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Space
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29 Jan 2009, 8:17 pm

Ticker wrote:
pensieve wrote:
Well said Ticker.
I used to go to a church and the people are still pretty friendly with me.
It's good for socialization, but if you want to pick up chicks go to a bar or club.


Real relationships don't start from drunken whores met at bars. If a guy really wants to find a nice lady join a hobby group (that interests both women and men), go to martial arts or yoga classes, meditation groups, take a class at the college or borrow a friend's cute dog and take for a walk in the park or beach. Having a dog along is a good way to have women come up to you who would otherwise ignore you. Its an old trick.

The trick to meeting women is to actually go out and have a life. Do things. But do things that attract someone other than just Aspie males. Like you probably won't find your soulmate at a electric train hobbiest meeting. It all depends on where you live too. A lot of the younger college towns have popular coffee shops to meet people and like at our university they have free movie nights that attract the nerdy girl types. Keep your eye on the newspaper for events like Celtic festivals, Sci-Fi conventions, OctoberFests and so forth but keep in mind once you get there you have to approach and talk to people.

PS: Gyms with swimming pools are also good places to meet. I've made several friends in my water aerobics class.

I was in martial arts for 2 years---never made any real friends or met women. I've gone to coffee shops and started conversations, but nothing ever goes anywhere. My university has events, but 90% of them are beer nights and pub crawls. I don't drink, and that combined with my AS makes it difficult to find someone. I am a good guy and I am looking for women who lead a clean life, I should be going to church to look for women.

You have no clue what it's like or what I go through, so don't judge me.



Ticker
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30 Jan 2009, 12:20 am

Space wrote:
I was in martial arts for 2 years---never made any real friends or met women. I've gone to coffee shops and started conversations, but nothing ever goes anywhere.


In the 6 years I studied martial arts I made more friends than in any other time of my life. You need to learn social skills.

Space wrote:
I am a good guy and I am looking for women who lead a clean life, I should be going to church to look for women.

You have no clue what it's like or what I go through, so don't judge me.



Well I know what its like to be the woman stalked by Aspergers guy in a church. I also know church is suppose to be a place to worship God. Not a place to chase after single women because you think you have a captive audience there. Are you going to tell the minister that's why you decided to attend church?

Since you can't make friends in a coffee house or martial arts studio why do you think church is going to be different? You need to work on your personality and social skills and then you can meet people anywhere. A new friend I met inside the bank. You don't have to go to some special place to make friends. Its not where, but how.



Space
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30 Jan 2009, 1:02 pm

Uhhhh I'm not a stalker, and I have social skills. Just because something worked for you doesn't mean someone else will have the same experience.



chrisno51
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30 Jan 2009, 1:08 pm

Going to church is a good thing, I used to try going at times. But I wouldn't exclusively to meet people, meeting new people can be a good thing (even though I am a loner saying this) I really think you should be more going for your religion and faith.



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30 Jan 2009, 2:50 pm

Ticker wrote:
Well I know what its like to be the woman stalked by Aspergers guy in a church. I also know church is suppose to be a place to worship God. Not a place to chase after single women because you think you have a captive audience there. Are you going to tell the minister that's why you decided to attend church?

Since you can't make friends in a coffee house or martial arts studio why do you think church is going to be different? You need to work on your personality and social skills and then you can meet people anywhere. A new friend I met inside the bank. You don't have to go to some special place to make friends. Its not where, but how.
nobody's talking about stalking people here, there are plenty of social events that are very accepting and joining one of those church groups (youth groups, bible studies, etc.) is a good way to meet people since they're generally very open to new members, especially if you're new to the faith, aren't part of the church but are curious, etc.. i agree that you shouldn't disturb a service to socialize, people are there for a reason, and that's not socializing, but there's no reason he couldn't join a social group involved with the church.



lucy1
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30 Jan 2009, 3:16 pm

Great idea - go for it.



Ticker
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31 Jan 2009, 3:43 pm

beef_bourito wrote:
nobody's talking about stalking people here, there are plenty of social events that are very accepting and joining one of those church groups (youth groups, bible studies, etc.) is a good way to meet people since they're generally very open to new members, especially if you're new to the faith, aren't part of the church but are curious, etc.. i agree that you shouldn't disturb a service to socialize, people are there for a reason, and that's not socializing, but there's no reason he couldn't join a social group involved with the church.


He's original post stated he was interesting in attending church because "hot girls" go there. Its obvious he's not interested in faith or making friends at church potlucks. He's looking for women. This is not what church is about and if he goes to a church with that intent in mind then it is STALKING.

I don't care go ahead and go to church and make a stupid ass fool of yourself. Just hope none of those girls have a brother or boyfriend that beats the crap out of you or that you don't get arrested when the girl gets tired of you pursuing her relentlessly which is what most AS guys do because they don't understand the appropriate way to act around other people. It's really tacky beyond words to go to church just to find someone to have sex with basically. Disgusting!



Tim_Tex
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31 Jan 2009, 4:01 pm

Also, keep in mind that 20-somethings traditionally have the lowest church attendance rate of all the age groups. (Your profile says you're 25)

This is because many of them are students, and can't squeeze church in their busy schedules.

As for meeting Christian women, there are a lot of Christian dating services out there.



Citizen72521
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31 Jan 2009, 8:05 pm

It depends on the church and/or group meeting time. I get the impression lots of people go to church more to socialize than to worship to some extent depending on their personal beliefs and level of conservatism or orthodoxy. Some people even go because its good for their business, not that they discuss business there, but they meet people or sometimes needs come up and others make recommendations etc. Churches also often sponsor other groups/meetings at various times.

There is a church near me that has a big sign for some kind of Singles meeting night spiritual study group that pictures young professional looking women and men. The church is making an effort to recognize different modern social habits of the age groups and targeting them specifically with meetings in the evenings when they may be less busy.

Obviously you want to find a place that matches your particular beliefs. If your not conservative and/or spiritual don't go to a conservative church because you probably won't run into a friendly atheist aspie unless your luck is just strange.



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02 Feb 2009, 1:39 pm

Citizen72521 wrote:

There is a church near me that has a big sign for some kind of Singles meeting night spiritual study group that pictures young professional looking women and men. The church is making an effort to recognize different modern social habits of the age groups and targeting them specifically with meetings in the evenings when they may be less busy.



The reason they are advertising is because as a group Generation X & Y have rejected religion other than say Paganism and Buddhism. At work I overheard many of the younger set making fun of believing in God, as they were quite sure he didn't exist and they made fun of churchgoers. Because of the prejudice so many denominations have supported for years they have turned off and turned away a lot of younger people. Not to mention younger people are either busy going to college or working 40+ hours a week while raising kids so they are too exhausted to go to church. In the church and synagogue I have attended I found there was no one else remotely close to my age. It was all old people. There was children in the congregation but they all seem to have parents that were 40 or older. Churches are trying to recruit young people because many are scared the denomination will vanish after the baby boomers all die off.



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02 Feb 2009, 1:48 pm

Ticker wrote:
Citizen72521 wrote:

There is a church near me that has a big sign for some kind of Singles meeting night spiritual study group that pictures young professional looking women and men. The church is making an effort to recognize different modern social habits of the age groups and targeting them specifically with meetings in the evenings when they may be less busy.



The reason they are advertising is because as a group Generation X & Y have rejected religion other than say Paganism and Buddhism. At work I overheard many of the younger set making fun of believing in God, as they were quite sure he didn't exist and they made fun of churchgoers. Because of the prejudice so many denominations have supported for years they have turned off and turned away a lot of younger people. Not to mention younger people are either busy going to college or working 40+ hours a week while raising kids so they are too exhausted to go to church. In the church and synagogue I have attended I found there was no one else remotely close to my age. It was all old people. There was children in the congregation but they all seem to have parents that were 40 or older. Churches are trying to recruit young people because many are scared the denomination will vanish after the baby boomers all die off.


That's exactly what my issue is.



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02 Feb 2009, 2:46 pm

Ticker wrote:
He's original post stated he was interesting in attending church because "hot girls" go there. Its obvious he's not interested in faith or making friends at church potlucks. He's looking for women. This is not what church is about and if he goes to a church with that intent in mind then it is STALKING.

so because a guy wants to meet "hot girls" it means he's not interested in making friends? so what if he wants to meet an attractive single girl, what single guy doesn't. I'd be willing to bet that there are a lot of christian guys who choose to go to a certain church simply because there are more attractive females. actually, no i wouldn't bet, i know i'd win, i know plenty of devout christians who decided to go to a church, join a christian group, go to a christian even, etc. because of the prospect of attractive single girls, so are you saying they're all stalking? if you look up a definition of stalking, i don't think it includes going to a church to meet girls.

Ticker wrote:
I don't care go ahead and go to church and make a stupid ass fool of yourself. Just hope none of those girls have a brother or boyfriend that beats the crap out of you or that you don't get arrested when the girl gets tired of you pursuing her relentlessly which is what most AS guys do because they don't understand the appropriate way to act around other people. It's really tacky beyond words to go to church just to find someone to have sex with basically. Disgusting!

that's another horrible generalization. a diagnosis of AS doesn't turn you into a stalker. I have NEVER stalked a girl, even by the loosest of definitions, and although people with AS are probably more likely to be stalkers than NT's because of the aforementioned difficulty with social skills, saying that most AS guys relentlessly pursue girls is going too far. you can't assume that all guys with AS are like that simply because one guy stalked you at church.

if you're just going to condemn and insult people without offering any helpful advice maybe you shouldn't post.



Space
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02 Feb 2009, 11:17 pm

Ticker wrote:
beef_bourito wrote:
nobody's talking about stalking people here, there are plenty of social events that are very accepting and joining one of those church groups (youth groups, bible studies, etc.) is a good way to meet people since they're generally very open to new members, especially if you're new to the faith, aren't part of the church but are curious, etc.. i agree that you shouldn't disturb a service to socialize, people are there for a reason, and that's not socializing, but there's no reason he couldn't join a social group involved with the church.


He's original post stated he was interesting in attending church because "hot girls" go there. Its obvious he's not interested in faith or making friends at church potlucks. He's looking for women. This is not what church is about and if he goes to a church with that intent in mind then it is STALKING.

I don't care go ahead and go to church and make a stupid ass fool of yourself. Just hope none of those girls have a brother or boyfriend that beats the crap out of you or that you don't get arrested when the girl gets tired of you pursuing her relentlessly which is what most AS guys do because they don't understand the appropriate way to act around other people. It's really tacky beyond words to go to church just to find someone to have sex with basically. Disgusting!

Not true, not true, and not true. Maybe you should get a life or something? You've contributed nothing to this thread, and said a whole lot of untrue things. Please stop posting your lies and generalizations. You know nothing about me, or any other guy here.



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05 Feb 2009, 5:06 pm

Church is a great place to meet people. And even if you are not htere for faith, there are many people in singles' groups of varying levels of faith. Yes, I knew some who used it for a meat market, but I also knew others who started out like that and then really got into their faith!

So church is always a good thing if they are kind and aren't nutty and alll.

GOod luck and keep us posted!



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18 Feb 2010, 10:39 pm

I have found the people at churches to be the least accepting of people that are different. I have found more acceptance from people at motorcycle bars then at churches.

They are too high strung. or maybe I have to get out of the bible belt.



passionatebach
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19 Feb 2010, 12:47 am

I have attended the local Unitarian Universalist church for the last seven years. I first heard about the church through other volunteer activities that I had participated in.

I have made many friends and acquaintances in this congregation. It probably helped that they were an open, tolerant and very social congregation that host many activities outside of Sunday worship. It also doesn't hurt that the church stands for many things that I stand for spiritually and socially.

I think that you can make some very strong friendships by attending a church that has belief system that you can agree on and attending frequently and partaking in social/spiritual/volunteer activities. And, I do emphasize strongly to partake in actvities other than Sunday worship.