Do you burn bridges a lot?

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I do try to get some bridges open but there have been a few in the past that I have burned and just moved on.

Yeah, I get upset in bad arguments. My heart races, and a few times I almost got misty eyed. But at least it sounds like you can return the favor. I've let people get away with ridiculous assertions because I didn't want to fight, or because I couldn't think fast enough.

Wow that's a really good point.

Dropping a friend who tries to use you or just upsets you isn't a bad thing to do. Unfortunately some people need to be treated this way - if you keep them around they'll use you or hurt you again & again.

You've spotted the negative pattern of behaviour and refused to put up with more. Well done!

I've burned a lot of bridges. Most were justified but there are a few that I regret.

Well, I haven't had a lot of friendships, but if I get the impression that someone is treating me badly, they are GONE from my life. I feel like I can be a bit cold about it, but I can't handle dealing with someone who I don't know if I can trust them. Like, in high school I was sort of friends with this guy, we talked in class but never hung out or anything. Then I heard (from a mutual friend who I had every reason to believe was telling the truth) that he was telling people I was a freak, weird, hyper, etc. I changed my seat in the class we shared and literally never spoke to him again (incidentally this improved my grade in the class ). Maybe that's a bit extreme, but it wasn't just pride, I didn't know how to talk to him, it would have made me so uncomfortable and stressed out, and I didn't want to give him another chance to hurt me. And he clearly didn't miss me anyway.

YES. It's becoming a problem. I live in a small town and I believe that all I need to do is burn one or two more here and I will be a total outcast. I don't know why I do it....maybe because I have "daddy" issues or maybe it's just that I'm so compulsive and reactive when someone does me wrong. I hate mean people and I usually don't let them get away with it.

I have burned bridges with a University, a restaurant, a youth mentoring program, a church, my best friend from Jr High and multiple boyfriends. I burned bridges with my classmates, my friends in the Army....and recently I burned bridges with two tree cutting services here in my town! There is no one safe from my wrath and then ghosting.

I have ADD and there is a good chance I have OCD and AS. My oldest son has AS and my youngest son has ADD. I'm pretty sure I'm the culprit. What's a gal to do?

If someone has done something to you they're only bound to do it again. So the lines of trust have already been broken down. At that point there is no other choice then to cut ties because they're only going to do it again and would you rather have a toxic friendship with someone who you KNOW is using you or some kinda opportunist or be alone knowing that you did the right thing? One thing you probably learned(assuming you're an adult) is that friendship wasn't meant to last forever. People come and go and that's the way it works.

So true....but is this an AS thing typically? Or, is it rooted in something from my childhood?

the bridge never got built to begin with

I don't know to say its an AS thing but one thing I will say is that many AS people are less likely to put up with peoples crap and don't generally care about being alone so its easier to cut people loose knowing that you don't really care about being alone. Take my example for instance, I just cut 2 guys loose recently. Of course it was my fault for breaking the rules of friendly conversation because I talked about politics with one and race with another. But once I saw where their minds were really at I just said to myself "you know what, I don't need this mess." and just cut them loose.

I must have a menagorie of diagnosis going on. I can't concentrate, I can't sit still for very long....always have to have a million things going on to feel like I'm of any use, I don't have patience for stupid people, I have a very bizarre sense of humor that most people don't get, I'm a acceptance junkie who can't spell her way out of a wet paper bag. Of course the list goes on to include the obvious....I burn bridges a lot.

This has been an issue in the past, once I get upset at something i can get extremely upset. Part of my job is debating this things with people which will go on to effect a huge number of people (> 60 million), my job is to help advocate the needs of the diverse users. Last time I massively exploded was when a small design change was refused due to 'politics' and I had to just wait for it to fail... Knowing many many people would be excluded from something important because one visual designer really wanted to follow a trend.

The issue is, the more I exploded the more credibility I lost to the group. In order to do my job I need a degree of detachment. It's very challenging sometimes.

In the end I took time away from work to deal with the underlying issues (mostly housing and support related) so I had more capacity left.

I may have burnt bridges that day, I might live to regret it, but at the same time I stood up for the users and having a reputation for defending the end user is not a bad thing.

Moreover, if I had said nothing, I would not have been able to forgive myself. In the future, I might speak to other members of my team to create a plan of attack rather than reply with my blunt thoughts!

Hope that helps,

J&L

Some people have trouble controlling their tempers, among other things. I burned some bridges when I was younger because I was too hasty in deciding what people did or didn't mean, and thought I was always right when it came to people.

Some people do hang around others specifically because they want favors more than because they like their company. Showing them kindness won't change them, they know what they're there for and they're getting it already.