Trouble getting along with other Aspies

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I don't really know if my Asperger's is mild or severe....I was often mistaken for an autistic savant as a child, but these days, I'm pretty well-socialized and come across as (according to most people) a slightly eccentric, sometimes pompous (I'll cop to it!), incredibly straightforward 'normal person' who kills people in pub quizzes and knows everything there is to know about music . I know what my residual problems are, though, even though most of the time I keep them pretty well under wraps, and it bothers me severely to see Aspies who started out with far fewer issues than I did, at my age or close to it, being totally non-functional and using Asperger's as their excuse for it. THOSE are the Aspies that annoy the hell out of me, and GOD, do they ever annoy me. Even my boyfriend, who I was friends with for years, annoyed me something dreadful when we were first dating, because till our relationship took this turn, I'd no idea how low-functioning he was in his everyday life. Luckily, he's straightening himself out, because I was sure I was going to kill him for awhile.

There are smaller issues I have with some Aspie friends, that I deal with only because I'm sure they sometimes have the same problems with me....for instance, as bad as it is taking everything literally when you're dealing with an NT, it's particularly difficult to communicate with someone when BOTH of you take everything literally, and additionally, you're both sarcastic bastards who only understand YOUR OWN sarcasm much of the time.

Heh I have this problem a lot with my very AS-ish boyfriend...

um...My problem is that I don't really get along with anyone I am not used to...and it takes me a long time to get used to new people who are hanging around...Aspies, NTs and everyone else in-between...or beyond.
I am very nervous and avoidant around most people until I have grow accustomed to having them around all the time...We have an aspie guy working for us...and I still have not quite broken out of my shell with him...but it is just because I am not used to him yet...it has only recently gotten to be slightly easier.
Um...
There was "crazy Aspie lady" of the extremely extroverted variety who sometimes worked at our old location...she drove me nuts with her lack of sense of personal boundaries...She was always getting way up in my face and also touching me...and FORCING me to make eye contact with her wide eyed stare...and rearranging everything her way...and so on and so forth....she drove me bonkers.

There was also a guy who I am pretty sure was an aspie who would show up at my screen printing workshop just to heckle me because he had worked in commercial screen printing for years, and didn't have anything better to do...

A lot of the time I am painfully aware of how different I am from most of the Aspies who hang around my place....but that doesn't make me not get along with them....Hopefully they understand I am usually not good at "hanging out"...

I have more in common with my close AS-ish friend....he is left-handed, artsy, and childlike...like me...and i am used to him because I have known him for years.

Generally speaking the more symptoms they have the less well I get along with them.

I seem to sense this to be the case ......

For me, it depends on the person, since Aspies can range from being severely functioning, to mild, almost NT-like.

I am on the mild end of the spectrum. I don't have the sensory issues like I used to, and not taking things literally as much as I used to, and I don't have schedule issues (unless it interferes with the Simpsons and South Park, my two favorite TV shows).

I am ENFP according to Myers-Briggs.

I was trying to get along with one aspie from my school and TRIED talking about his interests. It went ok for a while, but then I guess I paid too much attention to him (becoming too emotionally attached to people is one of the reasons why I might annoy them) and began talking more about my interests as well, and this annoyed him. He asked me to stop talking to him altogether without giving me any verbal cues to the fact that he found me annoying. In his email, he told me to avoid him and to stop emailing him, and to also delete all of the email messages that he sent me in the past. I read his email during my autism support group meeting, and totally blanked out. Happily, people there understood my troubles and offered me consolation. If I read the email at home, I would probably end up cutting my wrists and breaking stuff.
It is painful. My first attempt at trying to get the other person to be my friend instead of other people coming up to me and offering their friendship, and I end up failing. I guess I just talk too much sometimes. I'm so ignorant and selfish...

In real life I only know one other Aspie, and we don't really share the same interests or way of thinking, so we don't really talk that much. It's not that I mind him or anything, we just don't have anything in common really besides having AS.

My AS traits annoy me. It's kind of like I can see myself as an NT would but can't stop being the way I am. It's so frustrating. Especially as I often seem to 'pass' and a lot of NTs around me refuse to believe that I'm AS, but still have difficulties with what they don't know are my AS associated traits. It doesn't help that my language is good but often my understanding isn't as good.

I haven't met many Aspies, if you only count the people who certainly have it. There was one boy at school who really annoyed me, because he was extremely tall and large, and a bully. He would go into your locker, snoop and take your stuff out, and insult you or try to trip you. Or he would be allowed to play computer games while you were forced to work because the female special needs staff were afraid to discipline him. But maybe that wasn't only AS, I'm willing to admit it might have been because of his personality or being spoiled also. Not all aspies are bullies.

There was an Autistic girl in another place I was at, I liked her and worried for her sometimes when people tried to exploit her, but she was a little annoying because she would never answer you, just ignore you and go back to watching tv. Or she'd come to your door, and when you answered, trying to get her to say what she wanted from you was 'like pulling teeth'.

Sometimes I feel like I have a foot in each world and so I'm not accepted by AS or NT. It's a lonely feeling.

Again, this really depends on the aspie.

The ones that I've met fall into two categories:

The ones that have moved on with their lives, and the ones that didn't.

It doesn't really have to do with severity or intelligence. I've seen people that are nice, and bright. I'm fine with being friends with them...but we barely have anything in common.

While myself, and several other aspies I've met are out working, or in University, some of the ones I've met seem content just laying around the house all day, surfing the net and playing video games. They haven't been able to "get over" the whole AS diagnosis thing, and just move on. They feel that they have to "accept their limitations". And they'll be in for a very rude awakening when they realize that their parents aren't willing to support them anymore.

The ones that have moved on with their lives tend to range in noticeability. None of them are severe severe, but I've had people make comments to me about "that creepy (insert name here)". Many of whom I suspected had AS. And they were nice people, but I can see how some NTs would mistake them for creeps.

I've been to an AS social group a few times and everyone there had "The Look" that you are talking about. I was thinking to myself..."I can't really be like this, can I?". I've stared at myself in the mirror many times, trying to see if I could see Aspergers inside of me and I know that's stupid but they were textbook Aspergers, every single person there and I started thinking that maybe I didn't have AS at all.

I told my counsellor my thoughts on the subject and she explained to me that it's common for people with AS to not see themselves in the diagnosis. She said that it's common for them to have the awareness to see oddities in others, but not in themselves. This puzzled me because I KNOW that I'm odd, I don't fit in with the norm but I certainly don't display what they other people displayed at the group. My counsellor disagrees so I guess I'm stuck.

It depends on the aspie, for the most part I tend not to get along with other aspies, but my best acquaintance is an aspie.

I've met a few aspies before. My high school had 5 or 6. I once went to an asperger's support group a few times when I was 18.

When I meet aspies my biggest problem with them is that they seem to be closed minded and seem to not want to talk to me at all. I've met over a dozen aspies before and every single one of them is pretty close to your stereotypical nerd. They're out of shape, play a lot of video games, and are very averse to anything sports related. I don't fit that mold, though. I'm a former college basketball player, I'm still in good shape and exercise, though I do sometimes play video games so I don't completely buck the stereotype. I don't seem to fit into other aspies' preconceptions of an aspie so they close themselves off to me without giving me a chance, they dismiss me as a jock, except for the one exception who has an open mind and actually tries to talk to me.

Most of my other acquaintances are very NT. The type that has many, many acquaintances, and tends to be very friendly to everyone.

If one has an extremely rigid schedule, or has to have things a certain way (and will not compromise), is there a way to reach some sort of compromise, or would I (the flexible one) have to just give in all the time?

I was in a situation where I had pursued someone romantically, and she wouldn't date me because I didn't live within walking distance, she accused me of not having a good enough personality (yet she liked it from day one, and I hadn't noticed any changes). I tried negotiating and reasoning with her, but when I did, she accused me of trying to "manipulate" or "guilt-trip" her. The only reason I was able to keep a friendship for a few more months was because I basically said "OK, you're the boss", and let her have her way. I stopped discussing my feelings out of fear of losing the friendship--I was practically bullied into not discussing them. She would never listen to anything I said.

Distance: I was only about 100 miles away, translating to a 2-hour drive over mainly rural areas with a 70 mph speed limit that is rarely enforced, which was nothing.

Personality: She complained that I had a weak personality because I got upset and objected to her not compromising. What was I supposed to say? "I am happy that you don't want to date me"? And she had really crazy ideas about personality, and kept changing the definition of personality, to confuse me.

When I tried to reason her regarding those things, that's when she accused me of trying to manipulate her.

Then came the 6-month silence. She stopped answering my e-mails and blocked me from IM, without ever telling me why, despite her promise to "never disappear without a reason". The only reason I got one last e-mail from her was because I asked a friend to e-mail her, and she was angry that I gave someone else her e-mail address. I meant absolutely no bad intent with it, but instead of thinking of me as a concerned friend, she was acting like I was some sort of creepy stalker who was out to get her. I would never dream of acting that way with anybody.

And because of her, I have to lie and tell people I'm an atheist and have left-wing political views (she was a Christian and conservative, and so am I) in order to attract people with the same interests.

My thoughts: Anyone who can't make compromises like that has absolutely no business being in a relationship.

I also had this problem with one of my ex's. We were both literal we had tons of misunderstandings. He be sarcastic or joke around and I take him literally and he just couldn't accept I am literal and he expected me to get used to it because it was "who he is." And because we were both literal, we interpreted things differently and took it literal. One of the examples was:


I was at his house visiting and this was after we broke up and I tell him I am going out to Portland to see my aunt and uncle and I was thinking about bringing him with but I wasn't sure. I also told him I want to try and meet people from the internet there but am nervous and he said he be my bodygaurd and we both talk about what if he was there. I was also wasn't sure if I should drive 50 minutes to pick him up and then have to spend my money to feed him since he has no money and I don't like to be bothered about when we leave places so that's why I prefer to do things alone. He said he let me do what I want and I was like okay and then he says I don't have to bring him and I say okay. I knew I wasn't pressured to bring him so I think about it for the rest of the month and decided not to because of gas. Then while I am away visiting a guy I met online who was my second ex and I get a PM on myspace from him asking when I'm leaving for Portland and I reply telling him I am already here. He replies back saying "you left without me" in caps. Then he said in his message how pissed he is and he was looking forward to it and his friends from Salem were looking forward to seeing him and he said we made a deal. I couldn't believe he thought I was bringing him and I never said I would bring him officially and he did say I didn't have to bring him. So I replied to him backing saying I never made a deal and he says what we talked about and I told him he said I didn't have to bring him so I thought about it and decided not to. Then he said it was a misunderstanding. Okay so why did he tell me "You don't have to bring me?" Could he have been kidding or did he forget he said that or was it one of those games people play where they say something and you do the opposite?

Well anyway he assumed he was officially coming so he went and told his friends he was coming to Portland and I suppose they all made plans and he thought we were planning our trip when I thought we were talking about what if I brought him. That's what happens when two people are literal.

Was this the lady who stopped answering your emails? She sounded like bad news and I hope you have moved on from her finally because she isn't worth it.

^^ Yep, same one.

I just don't understand. I did everything I could think of to save at least a friendship, but it wasn't enough. And it has me feeling that I have somehow failed as a human being, despite the fact that I am getting my bachelor's degree in December, and possibly pursuing a master's degree.

Some people are unreasonable. Sometimes it's them, not you. It was her, not you.