Why Are You So Quiet?

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I hate this question so much! What do you say, I think that is the big problem. I have no answer.

Anyway, I think aspies are quiet, from reading the replies, because either they are not interested in the conversation, know little about it, or, especially with me, are tired. If I know little about a conversational topic, I really don't know what to say (but I think this may be the same for NTs) and get quiet. But I have learnt (after 30 years ;o) ) that if you add in a few space fillers, like "uhh" and "oh yeah", then you are "part of the group". The real problem for me is when I am tired. I am actually a fairly social person, around the right people, but I need a lot of energy to act normal. So when I am tired I either say stupid aspie things, or go quite. To not offend others I go with being quite.

I find it funny no one has come up with a good reply to the question "why are you quiet?"

I hate this question so much! What do you say, I think that is the big problem. I have no answer.

Anyway, I think aspies are quiet, from reading the replies, because either they are not interested in the conversation, know little about it, or, especially with me, are tired. If I know little about a conversational topic, I really don't know what to say (but I think this may be the same for NTs) and get quiet. But I have learnt (after 30 years ;o) ) that if you add in a few space fillers, like "uhh" and "oh yeah", then you are "part of the group". The real problem for me is when I am tired. I am actually a fairly social person, around the right people, but I need a lot of energy to act normal. So when I am tired I either say stupid aspie things, or go quite. To not offend others I go with being quite.

I find it funny no one has come up with a good reply to the question "why are you quiet?"

thing is most NTs just say, "oh, you are normally chatty", and they don't like being ask the question "why do you ask?" back. As someone else said, they normally label you as abnormal for being quiet.

lol

It's usually because I have nothing in common with most people.

Usually, when I say something of substance to an average person it will offend them, they won't understand or it just bores them to death. I aspire to be polite to people (Hi, by, how are you? etc.) but otherwise say little unless I am asked to. I laugh when others laugh, I complain when others complain in an atempt to fit in. I don't do small talk, I just simply can't do it for the life of me. I need a conversation with substance.

Because I find people deeply unintresting and vice versa

"are they even worth it"

I'm afraid of making a foul out of myself mainly

I consider myself so extroverted and amazing to get to know that most people cannot handle me... lol

I used to get surprised when people called me quiet. I was like what? But I'm popular. Then I realized that I never talked...

Seriously, though, I can't find a good way to bud into conversations most of the time.

I was usually quiet as a child around adult strangers, but not with other children. I would just talk about stuff that they didn't care about.

Now I'm just quiet around everyone. But it does annoy me when people ask me why I'm quiet.

I sometimes want to respond with "why do you talk so much?"

I'm so quiet for a number of reasons. Let's look back at my life:

Pre-schooler: It was hard to adjust since most of the children were already in full time daycare
Elementary school: I was so far ahead academically and did not follow the crowd. For example, when we were asked to draw the sun everyone drew the standard yellow with straight lines. Me? White with the wavy lines as the electromagnetic radiation would be if we had the ability to perceive it. Yeah, it's hard to relate to people when your head is in the clouds.
Junior High: The more I spoke, the more I was bullied. Bullies would take everything I said and use it against me and my literal interpretations didn't help. For example someone asked if I was straight and I told them not quite since I thought they meant did I stand up completely straight. You can guess what happened for the next two years!
High School: I seemed to be the only person not into drugs, smoking or alcohol and most conversations revolved around those topics. Oh, and music when I listened to talk radio most of the time. When I was quiet I was left alone and that was better than fearing for my life constantly.
University: I got a little better but was usually overwhelmed and went into 'shut down mode'. Still assumed anyone being nice had ulterior motives.
Young Adult: I hate small talk and find it difficult to start a conversation with someone I don't know. Recently I tried to be more friendly and outgoing and apparently women in their 20's think "hello" is code word for trying to be a creep so I pretty much ignore everyone I see at this point. It's just not worth the effort to talk to anyone I don't know at this point.

There are so many reasons.

- sometimes it's actually more enjoyable to just listen and think about what other people are saying
- nothing actually needs to be said
- I'm too busy trying to work on eye contact and evaluating body language/facial expression to think of anything to say
- I'm an introvert. I generally like being quiet.
- half the time I just don't relate or have anything useful to say
- I'm not good at talking and thinking at the same time (not good when I use my intellect to process social situations)
- I like to make sure I don't say something stupid or callous like I often can when I don't think before I talk
- in a group situation, I can't get a word in edgewise anyway
- Peace and quiet go hand in hand.
- I still don't know how to strike up a conversation that I actually find interesting without being awkward.