I seem to have made a friend, then they're suddenly gone

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I might ignore the people. If they annoy me too much

I suppose it is a blessing in disguise...it's just that everyone I know turns out to be like that. I think I've found a friend, then suddenly they turn on me. In real life or online, wherever. Human beings just seem to be 'like that' in the 21st century.

But I have realised that I bring out the worst in people. I don't know why. Something about me annoys other people, they take most things I say as insults and I'm often excluded/ criticised/ ignored. I'm used to it now.

That's why I've given up on people really. I think I'll meet a new lot of people next year when we move house, so even if they are horrible, at least they will be different people being horrible

As I've probably said a million times, I've got stuck in a rut where I live and looking forward to moving away next year!

It sounds like you have run into a bunch of phony people who seem "Nice," at the time and they latch onto you for whatever reason. Trust me, I have had my share of phony people too.

When I was 23, I met another woman my age at an event that was put on by a wonderful organization that connects college students with adults with disabilities. Although she seemed to be interested and had time in the beginning, she eventually kicked me to the bottom of her list and led me on by making it sound like she was a best friend. She also made several false promises to me and there was always some excuse.

Things got to a point where I would get mad at her because I didn't feel like she wasn't living up to the empty words. At no time during our friendship did she ever own up to anything that she pulled on me. Instead, she insisted that she was right and took my confrontations as a personal attack and would throw a tantrum. She also accused me of thinking that I was better than everyone else and wanting nothing to do with me. So she basically told me to leave her alone and have a nice life.

You could be right, I could be surrounded by phony people, or maybe I attract them.

I suppose the thing is, I was brought up by a mother who was nice in public and nasty in private. Sometimes she would be lovely and other times not, so I never knew what to expect. I was never quite right, there was always something wrong with me and what I did.

Whatever went wrong in my childhood, it taught me to be very wary of people and have very low expectations of them, they can turn on me any time.

I think I just don't know how to choose good people as friends, so I've given up.

Your mother sounded a lot like the husband at that synagogue. He did a good job of playing the “Good rabbi and father figure” at synagogue. However, I he would mistreat his wife and step daughter during the car rides. He was also unpredictable like that too.


As for the phony friend who I wrote about above:
Another friend, who attended the group with us, pointed out to me that he thought she was phony.

I think that either: I never learned how to spot phony people.

Or: more and more people are actually phony these days due to way the world is i.e. so many people are obsessed with image, money, follower count, likes and clicks, taking offence at everything, self-centred, me me me etc.

Most human beings seem phony these days, it's hard to meet genuine ones.

I wonder if we could make a checklist for 'how to spot a genuine person.'

I lived with two roommates at 20 and 21 who were very phony.

For example, when I first called one of about the room for rent, there was a very rude tone on her voice mail greeting. So I wondered

Then when she gave my mom and I the tour, she put on a front but I had no idea.

Then when I lived with her, her nice facade came off within the first week. After that, I found out that she was mean and very controlling.

It's sad isn't it Summer Twilight.

It seems that the world expects people to put on a nice front, then drop it soon after. If we are nice to start with and continue to be nice, it really throws people.

I must say, the 2nd most common thing people say about me (after 'weird' 'strange' 'odd') is Genuine. I've had quite a lot of people say that about me. But it's like it puts them off me. No one who has said I'm genuine has ever befriended me, it's like they think I'm going to find out all their secrets!

Edited:

First of all, people don't know how to be nice and that is the problem and I don't think they want to.


As for my roommate situation, I never became friends with my roommates but I really wanted to. They made it clear on several occasions that they were not interested in a friendship with me. In fact, they were fed up with me after the first month and a half. They just provided me with a place to sleep in exchange for help with rent, bills, and chores. Otherwise, they didn't want me around. In fact, they didn't want me living there, period. Why? They were in their late 20s and I was in my early ones. This was even though they agreed to let me sign the lease in the first place.

I honestly had to tip-toe around them and especially the once who was really mean.

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 05 Apr 2023, 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not sure what's happened to the human race. We used to get on with each other. I remember when I was young, til the age of about 30, people had communities and interacted politely with each other, made friends. Like when I lived in London, we had friends and a social life. I even had a social life til I was 40.

What is happening in this world.

People keep getting meaner and meaner

They do. Is it because there are more of us now? The Earth's population has doubled since 1970, maybe it's the 'rats in a sack' situation. Everyone fighting over territory.

I think more people are out for themselves and are playing, "Nice" to get what they want. With people like that, it's usually all about them and not us. If you don't give them what they want or live up to their expectations then they toss you out like you're a piece of trash.

Oh so true! Life these days is all 'me me me' and there is no sense of community or working together or supporting each other.

Even my mummy and baby/toddler groups were all competitive: whose baby/toddler was 'best'? FFS. They aren't best, they're all different.

Older women say it wasn't like that when they had children, it's all got worse.

Competitive people make it seem like they want to be your friend when they aren't. In reality, they only latch themselves onto you because they see you as a threat. During the "Friendship," their whole goal is to snoop so they can get finer details on you. That way they can find out where you are going to be competition so they can try and undermine you or make them have it first and brag.

^Oh now THAT is useful information! I have sadly come to the conclusion that people see me as a threat for some reason. Probably because I am thin. Being thin seems to send most women into a frenzy of jealousy. They don't know (or care) about my health problems which make me thin. They don't know (or care) that I'm lonely and friendless 99% of the time. They just seem to see me as some kind of threat.

I wonder if that is what happened with my latest 'friend' who dumped me. Maybe. That was weird. I didn't give her finer details on me, I was very wary. Or maybe she realised I wasn't a threat but a lonely loser who wasn't worth worrying about. Who knows!