I can't keep female neurotypical friends

Post Reply New Topic

What exactly do you mean by "as is necessary to get his point across"? It sounds like you're trying to say that women just "don't get" what you're trying to say, as opposed to them absolutely "getting it", they just still disagree, or don't accept it. If this comment is meant as "repeating my script in different ways till the woman accepts that I'm right", then yeah, mansplaining or gaslighnting both seem like reasonable labels.

Additionally, did the woman ask for the explanation, or did the the man just decide she needed one, to make sure she understands, cos clearly she doesn't, or else she'd be agreeing...?

I ask cos I hear that complaint a lot - "you don't agree, therefore you must not understand!" - or claiming they're in denial, refuse to see the TREWTH!, etc etc...

Also, I didn't realize unintentional bad behavior "doesn't count" as bad behavior. Every child whines about how they "didn't MEAN to!" do this or that, to get out of trouble. It's annoying, but tolerable, in kids - they don't know better yet. It's disappointing when an grown-ass adult thinks "but I didn't INTEND to!" carries any weight.

And to be fair, if someone has a pattern of bad behavior, even if they "don't MEAN to!" keep behaving poorly, the fact THAT they keep behaving just as poorly, also shows that they "don't MEAN to" do anything about it, or even attempt to change said behavior.

Oh no! The consequences of my own actions! What cruel fate!

Yeah I already acknowledged I need to be mindful of this earlier, But thanks for the reminder.

I've been on this site since 2011. If what you say is symptomatic of my posting then why am I still here? I have more empathy than what you are alleging. I am not a closed mind or ignorant to sensitivities of autistic people, please be more respectful.

I'll re-direct you to the topic of this thread. "I can't keep female NT friends". The OP is male so the topic is why many autistic males (and I don't want to quantify the number because you and others will use that as ammunition) do have difficulty
a. making female friends
b. keeping said female friend if they are able to make a friend

So far when certain males have tried to offer solutions or observations we are labelled
sexist
misogynistic
mansplaining
showing a pattern of bad behaviour
beyond redemption

This type of labelling is really quite hurtful and my sincere response to these is met with more labels as "childish" or "juvenile" but these responses were merely meant as open ended questions.

I have made it abundantly clear the said observations I have made are:
a. from my own experience
b. not necessarily universal
c. taken with a grain of salt

Any solutions offered are from any success I had or have observed but are
a. not necessarily transferable
b, taken with a grain of salt

Your hostility has come really out of left field, If for some bizzare reason I made "one" comment which insulted you in the past I am sincerely sorry and hope you can move on.

Could you point me to the specific posts where people said that those who engaged in sexist behavior were beyond redemption? I’ve not seen that. Instead, members have tried to inform members on this topic. For change to happen, people need to be aware that there’s a problem.

You vaguely acknowledged hypothetical wrong-doing regarding a member who is no longer even here, while failing to address or account for any recent faux pas, for example, in this very thread, such as the example I pointed out, which when when brought up, you switch back to angst and defensiveness, rather than apologies. Not sure you deserve as much absolution as you seem to think.

The time you threw your NT-ness in my face made you seem amazingly empathetic. You said that I had some type of autistic privilege or protection, preventing you from arguing with me or addressing me how you really wanted to, being that you were an NT and I wasn't. When I asked you what you meant by that, you got strangely quiet. Such empathy. Much acknowledgement. Very changed.

As for why you're still here, that's for you to say, innit?

Please show me where I allegedly alleged that you don't have empathy, are closed minded, or ignorant. You clearly have empathy - at least for the people you relate to and align with. You clearly have an open mind, especially when it comes to explanations for your opinions and behaviors, or things you believe. And it would be foolish to think you are ignorant of autistic sensitivities, since your daughter is autistic - but that doesn't mean you always care, or act on it.

Questionable behavior can't be related to an individual's inability or lack of success when it comes to making and keeping friends?

What precludes those suggestions or observations from actually having been sexist et al, and thus perceived as such, rather than simply arbitrarily called those things, for reasons. Also, only certain males? Not all of them? So, doesn't that mean it's not aimed at ALL men? The same way that "young girls are narcissistic" doesn't mean ALL women, therefore it's an ok "observation", as has been argued and defended. Or do the rules change for some reason yet to be revealed?

What if I said I didn't INTEND to be hurtful. Or said you were just being sensitive. Do I get to use that sword and shield too? Or is it only for your usage?

Ok, then I too shall make it clear that these are all my observations from my own experience, are not necessarily universal (hence why, as you said, it only gets directed at SOME men, not ALL men), and should be taken with a grain of salt.

As for "solutions", what kind of solution is "girls are narcissists, guard yourself"? Even if true, it's more of a "solution" as to how to avoid people, rather than attract people. Which is what the thread is about - finding and keeping friends.

As for "successes", this seems to run contrary to this comment - emphasis yours.


Cos everyone knows, thinking you look good, having a job, and being able to use words, is literally all it takes to be a Don Juan Casanova, and makes it literally impossible to unintentionally put people off in other ways, resulting in hostility or avoidance on their part. There's literally no other explanation than narcissism.

For me to feel insulted by you, your opinion would have to mean something to me. I barely have to respect your opinion. I sure as s**t don't value it. Why would I care about a feigned apology from someone who wasn't bothered in the first place? Also, it's funny hearing that my attitude is "out of nowhere", since it's usually claimed that I'm always this way.

If my behavior bothers you, consider for a moment that the majority of what I've done, is take your rules and opinions, and applied them back to you. If it's acceptable to state that most young women are narcissists, cos that's what you personally have experienced and observed, and expect that to be respected, then how is it any different to say that many men are sexist, cos that's what I personally have experienced, and expect that to be respected? Even if we assume that both things are true, the woman not being a narcissist is just as important as the guy not being sexist, for a friendship to be maintained in a healthy way.

I am not being defensive, I have apologised if I caused harm

You should know the timing. Prior to the incident you mentioned I was being attacked on multiple fronts by a group of WP cybertrolls who (thankfully) are no longer on this forum. Their key weapon was I was an NT and that whatever I posted was triggering them (which turned out to be a lie), Certain past moderators took their side (at the time) and I was warned not to engage with them or nuetralise the language in my posts. It just so happened you were on my case at that exact time so I literally had no choice but say I am NT and treat WP as a safe space for people on the spectrum. I am sorry you took that personally, it was not my intention.

It's insinuated plenty of times. Feel free to read your own direct/indirect and 2nd hand responses to me.

Oh really? so why such a passionate refutation of my positions? doesn't quite align to your claims. I think you will find I am being highly courteous and from what I can see you having trouble reciprocating based on some unfathomable slight I have allegedly created that has somehow created ontological shock for you (but oh! wait! my opinion is s**t so why all the hoo hah?)

Sorry UD! I have set no rules and opinions and applied the to either you or Twighlight. You on the other hand are simply trying to build a somewhat shaky basis to justify ferociously criticising me. Heck! why am I even bothering, go for your life.

If you can indulge me one final point, I commented without passing judgement. I never said "young attractive women should not do this or that"
Women are free as men. We live in a world where everyone has the autonomy to make their own decisions.

I read back through my comments and couldn't find a single instance in which I said or implied that people with sexist attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors were "beyond redemption." I found several which suggest the opposite like this one:

I interpreted your point that certain people have patterns of behaviour over many years suggest their apparent "problem" shows signs of being intractable. If that wasn't what you were insinuating then that's fine with me.

No, I said the exact opposite on numerous occasions. The point of this discussion has been to inform. With awareness, patterns of behavior that have occurred over many years can be changed. Depending on what it is, it might require more effort to change than something that's less deeply rooted.

Most people are capable of change, However in this instance (i.e. this thread) the degree of change required and the degree to which intent is being misinterpreted is what is being debated