I can't keep female neurotypical friends

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cyberdad
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11 Mar 2024, 2:58 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
And while you have, according to you, had many experiences with NT women, by your own admission, they ended in a failure to create or maintain a friendship. You have experience, yes - but not with a very effective track record, by your own statement.


Oh I see, so I am required to quantify my success rate? If we are talking about success rate of making friends with NT females then my 18-25 year old self was really bad. I had lots going for me but I was poor, no money, poorly dressed and low self-esteem. I also had little direction at that time. It must have come across whenever I met an NT female. So yes this time in my life would fit your synopsis.

Fast forward to my 29-35 year old self and I was financially stable, well dressed and (critically) my self-esteem was through the roof. Not only did I make friends with plenty of NT females but I dated 40-50 (I lost count). I was probably a serial dater. Where the relationships failed to take off is because I was picky. I was dating women who were in the early 20s who weren't looking for long-term. But this stage of my life making friends with NT females seemed to be easy.



cyberdad
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11 Mar 2024, 3:00 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
Wanna talk about unrealistic expectations? How about assuming you're already such a hot commodity that getting snubbed baffles you to the point where you need to pathologize an entire group of people to explain something that can just as easily be explained by not having a very good personality. But nobody ever wants to talk about that... \.


Why do you find this something to deride or ridicule? where am I pathologising women? I think this is your interpretation UCD. Says more about you than it does about me.



cyberdad
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11 Mar 2024, 3:06 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
And not just you, avoiding that topic like the plague. It's a theme that tends to accompany many of the discussions here, when it comes to an inability to form friendships or relationships with women. Nope, it's height and weight and looks and money and cars and how women are so picky and have such high expectations - but it's never "maybe I'm boring" or "maybe I'm a jerk" or "maybe I'm making them uncomfortable", or any number of other things that can put people off, that the guy is doing, and doesn't realize - but even when suggested, it's met with either a defense of their personality, or a defense of their intentions. Which don't mean much in the face of the results, which speak for themselves.


I'm at least sticking to the topic of the thread? I can see how exploring a topic from a straight male perspective can be interpreted as "mansplaning". Initially I thought it was ok to explore reasons but I can see these can be triggering. Having an open mind does not equate to having a pathological personality (you seem to be boundlessly throwing labels at me without a care in the world).

I have apologised (yes congratulations I'm not perfect) but it seems you require > a pound of flesh, I guess that's your prerogative but careful your desire doesn't reveal some type of hidden bitterness. You may need to reflect on this.



TwilightPrincess
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11 Mar 2024, 3:07 pm

.


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Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 11 Mar 2024, 3:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.

cyberdad
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11 Mar 2024, 3:10 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
Always some excuse for why they just know that their personality, their mojo, their social presence, is *slaps chest* more than up to the task, and if it isn't working, then something else must be working against them. "I don't have a bland personality! They're just too picky! That wasn't sexist! You're just too sensitive! I'm not creepy! They're just stuck up! I'm not pushy! They just don't understand! I am not insensitive! Excuse me for not being perfect and always remembering to walk on eggshells around everyone! I didn't say anything wrong! You're just taking it wrong!" Sounds charming.

Don't blame the pencil for your inability to draw.


Whoa Horsey! easy there. Where are you getting this? Is this how you see my posts? I think you described yourself as cranky or grumpy but this certainly goes beyond that. I'm guessing you will only be satisfied when I have agreed with every single obtuse/exaggerated point you make.



cyberdad
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11 Mar 2024, 3:13 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
[Moving forward, it might be useful for members to speak of women as fellow humans and avoid engaging in any discriminatory behavior or language.


I've agreed with this more than once, I'm guessing that's why this thread hasn't gone the way of the locked ones you have carefully curated so you can trot them out for evidence.



cyberdad
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11 Mar 2024, 3:16 pm

Cornflake wrote:
The discussion revolves around the opinion "I find with NT females communication becomes harder the younger and more attractive they are, the more narcissistic they become.".


It would seem this one statement has generated 20+ pages of angst and made me into an imagined agent of satan. If you would indulge me reframing this one more time, this was my 18-25 year old self speaking back to me (as an old man in 2024). It was based on my observations at the time. It is not my opinion now.



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11 Mar 2024, 3:19 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Cornflake wrote:
The discussion revolves around the opinion "I find with NT females communication becomes harder the younger and more attractive they are, the more narcissistic they become.".


It would seem this one statement has generated 20+ pages of angst and made me into an imagined agent of satan. If you would indulge me reframing this one more time, this was my 18-25 year old self speaking back to me (as an old man in 2024). It was based on my observations at the time. It is not my opinion now.

I provided evidence that that sole sentence wasn’t the sole problem. It’s not even the sole problem in this thread. Other forms of sexism were pointed out if you are interested in rereading the thread.

No one said you were Satan. Quite the opposite in fact.


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cyberdad
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11 Mar 2024, 3:23 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
No one said you were Satan. Quite the opposite in fact.


I think UCD would disagree with you. He described me (amongst other things) as having a pathological personality.



TwilightPrincess
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11 Mar 2024, 3:37 pm

It gets a bit frustrating when, instead of taking responsibility, members make excuses for their behavior by blaming others for “misinterpreting” them or for being too sensitive (etc.). People can’t make changes if they don’t think there’s a problem.

However, if you aren’t doing that stuff now, I’m cool with you.


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cyberdad
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11 Mar 2024, 4:33 pm

Well finally a thread that has a happy ending....Now all we need are some Loony tunes animated characters to come out and say "Well that's all folks"



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12 Mar 2024, 12:17 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Obviously, this is an important issue that needs to be addressed which is why it has been allowed to be addressed in this thread.

How do you know why something has been 'allowed' in this thread? Are you part of the moderation team or do you have a dialogue with CF behind the scenes?
Ooh, careful now - that's what "they" want you to think. :skull:
TwilightPrincess just happens to be more aware of thread content and potential moderator reactions to it than... well apparently you, at least. :?

It's pretty simple - if (a) a thread is allowed to continue and (b) with a moderator popping in (mostly as a member, I should add) it's a safe assumption that the content is allowable. No paranoia required at all. :lol:
I do regret the off-topic direction it took that could have been split off to a new thread - mea culpa, I guess.

Quote:
You seem to often invoke what is or isn't allowed often in various threads, and direct users to the moderation team often, and I haven't really seen anyone else do that - so I was just wondering? :huh:
Wonder no more.

There is nothing wrong with a member alerting others to what may cause problems or not be allowed, or directing members to the moderation team. In fact, I wish more would take the time to do so.
I can count on one hand the number of members who actually do, publically or privately, and it's always very welcome.


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12 Mar 2024, 12:18 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Well finally a thread that has a happy ending....Now all we need are some Loony tunes animated characters to come out and say "Well that's all folks"
:lol: I pictured that happening a few pages back but yeah, it would be nice to let it peter out now. Please...


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14 Mar 2024, 8:53 pm

Cornflake wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Well finally a thread that has a happy ending....Now all we need are some Loony tunes animated characters to come out and say "Well that's all folks"
:lol: I pictured that happening a few pages back but yeah, it would be nice to let it peter out now. Please...

Sorry it's stronger than me
peter out :lol:

blitzkrieg wrote:
Repeating that something is sexist because someone else said so, is an extension of propaganda from the original source of the propaganda.
I see a lot of misandrist propaganda that has occurred in this thread already, it doesn't bear repeating.

I like how you ignored everything else I said in the post :heart:
I didn't repeated it cause someone said so :lol: I meant the whole situation but apparently you felt attacked - someone have unclean conscious :lol:
on propaganda - big word - not fitting at all, not gonna comment on mansplaining on how you do not mansplaining :lol:

I kinda understand the need to explain yourself but if someone feel that you *certain way offended them* (whatever it would be) it would be better to ask why they feel that way/what offended them and accept the answer, and not trying to prove it's propaganda :lol: why denial? Did you really didn't mean it?
Would ask same cyberdad, but was already pointed couple of times by now.

uncommondenominator wrote:
You vaguely acknowledged hypothetical wrong-doing regarding a member who is no longer even here, while failing to address or account for any recent faux pas, for example, in this very thread, such as the example I pointed out, which when when brought up, you switch back to angst and defensiveness, rather than apologies. Not sure you deserve as much absolution as you seem to think.

The time you threw your NT-ness in my face made you seem amazingly empathetic. You said that I had some type of autistic privilege or protection, preventing you from arguing with me or addressing me how you really wanted to, being that you were an NT and I wasn't. When I asked you what you meant by that, you got strangely quiet. Such empathy. Much acknowledgement. Very changed.

As for why you're still here, that's for you to say, innit?

Please show me where I allegedly alleged that you don't have empathy, are closed minded, or ignorant. You clearly have empathy - at least for the people you relate to and align with. You clearly have an open mind, especially when it comes to explanations for your opinions and behaviors, or things you believe. And it would be foolish to think you are ignorant of autistic sensitivities, since your daughter is autistic - but that doesn't mean you always care, or act on it.


This line is too good to not be a meme so made one :skull: :lol:
Such empathy. Much acknowledgement. Very changed.


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