Ever been told that you DESERVED the teasing/bullying?

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Your Own Fault vs Bringing it on yourself-I once rode my bike to school and forgot my bike lock. I parked the bike and went inside. By lunch it was gone. My parents, who were not wealthy, got me another bike. I left the garage door open over night, and the second bike was gone. Needless to say, I walked everywhere from that point on, because my parents made a correct assesment that I was not competent enough to maintain the situational awairness neccessary to keep my bike from being stolen.

At no point did my parents tell me that I deserved to get my bike stolen. However, I had established a pattern of setting myself up for failure.

If you burn a flag in front of war veterans, use racial slirs in an ethnic nieghborhood, or imply someone's wife or mother has loose moral character, you run the risk of being attacked. And there will be little sympathy for you by NTs.

I got sick of being attacked, so I learned topics that I cannot discuss with people. Strangly enough, religion and politics are ok most of the time. But I avoid the following topics.

Personal Appearance. Never comment on someones appearance, or that of thier of loved ones. If someone shows you a picture of the child or girlfriend/boyfriend, simply smile and say "awsome" or "nice" and leave it at that. Don't use adjectives. Don't be helpfull. You are in danger when talking about someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, familiy, etc..

Personal Achievements of others. If someone is proud of somthing, no matter how rediculous it seems to you, simply say "cool" or something. NTs love their silly awards and minor acheavments. Let them have thier fun.

Anything you think is silly or rediculous should be kept to yourself. I don't think the ability to put ball/puck in a hole/net is a big deal. Others do. In fact, while I think it's fun to PLAY sports, i think watching others play is totaly rediculouse. I have found it unhelpfull to express how silly it is to watch sports.

Anything you think is interesting. Find people who share your facination, but don't talk about your comic book collection to people who don't read comics.

Race/Class/Ethnic groups. You may think people from the south sound uneducated or people from the northeast sound like criminals. I once told an American of African Decent it wasn't his fault he was "Black". What I was trying to say was that we don't determin our race. It came out different.

Invite others to include thier "self-layed social landmines"

You know what makes it worse?

Things were originally okay but bumpy. So I sat down and had a heart-to-heart with her, being very honest, trying to work things out. So I gave her the weapons in the first place, and showed her all my weaknesses.

How stupid am I?

One of the problems with being socially awkward is that people can take advantage of you. It's not the same thing as being stupid, it's more like a lack of paranoia. The reality is, that you probably still would have ended up in a similar ending if you had not "reviled your weaknesses". NTs go through this all the time. Lesson learned. I have found that MOST people respond well when you revel your weakness...slowly and carefully using non-clinical terms. NTs do this.

The next time, you can say..I'm a blabbermouth, just tell me when to shut up, I won't be offended. I'm also a complete slob, I will do my best keep my junk in my room and out of the living area, but if I forget something, just let me know. IF you have some pet peeves, let me know and I'll try not to be too much of a bother. I won't use your toothbrush, and I do flush 99% of the time. I'm a kind of an artsy/nerdy scatter-brain, but I mean well. I won't steal from you or hit on your boyfriend/girlfriend, but I may forget to stock the fridge. I have had roommates that took advantage of my good nature, so I am going to have both of us sign a sub-let agreement, just so we are up front if you can't take my odd but harmless living habits. Oh, and all the clocks are set at slightly different times, keeps me from being late.

Lets face it, most of us are hard to live with, and we tend to hook up with people that are extreemly OCD to make up for our weeknesses.

My vice principal was really good.She told the bullies, if they bullies me, and I gives the bullies a good lickin, they deserve it and she won't do anything to stop me from defending myself.

I wish I could do that!
I thought things with the bully in question were over, and now she's demanding more money. Apparently there's an overdrawn charge on the household bank account.

Frankly she deserves for someone to put her in intensive care.

But since she keeps bothering me via work email (and works for the same employer, though luckily nowhere near me!), I can't do a darn thing. I can't even use harsh language.

Early this year, I accidentally insulted a girl, apparently implying that she was ugly (for more details, click here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt100640.html. Needless to say, she got extremely pissed at me, telling me that if I didn't change, I would be ostracized and isolated forever. The way she said it to me, it was as if it were my fault, and I was an outcast because I chose to be myself and do what was comfortable for me. Perhaps she was just acting out of anger, and taking advantage of me because she knew I couldn't think quickly or come up with any brilliant comebacks. Regardless though, I still wonder if I really am to blame for my social alienation.

It sounds like she was the one with the problem. All you did was ask her a curious question simply because you want a relationship and you wanted to hear what she did to get the guy so you would follow what she did. But she took it the wrong way so it's obvious she has self esteem issues about herself. Did you ever apologize to her for accidently upsetting her and tell her the real reason why you asked.

I was sort of in the same situation too last month. My aunt and uncle and cousin got my husband and I a really nice wedding present and it shocked me because I didn't think they could get us one because they can't afford to travel long distance so I gave her a compliment in the card by telling her they may be too cheap to come but they weren't cheap enough to not get us a gift and it hurt her. Despite that I thanked her and her husband for the gift, they were shocked at the compliment and my aunt was hurt by it but yet when I said it at the wedding when I opened gifts, everyone laughed so how was I to know my aunt be offended by it? Then I found out afterwards "cheap" is an insult and it is not the same as frugal. My dad used the wrong word when he told me they were cheap and I took it literal and even my mom had called herself cheap and I didn't even know she was using irony and she had called me cheap too but I didn't know it was totally different.

To tell the one who is bullied that he or she deserves it, is in my opinion to take the responsibility away from the bullies, as if they were completely right to bully when they meet a "not normal" person. As if they can't help it, it's just their nature, and they are not responsible for changing their behaviour - only the one bullied / the "not normal" person is responsible.
(Much like when people say it's a woman's own fault if she gets raped because she wears a short skirt - the men just can't help it with their desires, you know... )

That's a horrible way of thinking.

It also appears when people say something like "people with AS / dyslexia / glasses / red hair etc. are in danger to be bullied, so we must try to normalise them, so they won't be".

Excuse me, but what about trying to change people's (eg. school children's) view on "different" persons instead?
What about learning people to use their, in other connections, oh so highly celebrated empathy which they apparently are said to have in bunches??
Interestingly even NTs have to learn to use it, but the psychologists just never mention that when speaking of ASDs and empathy.

Yeah, I did apologize to her, more than once. But I don't think I was ever given the chance to explain my behavior, making it all the more painful. While I still feel that I was taken advantage of and manipulated, I can't help but think that she may be right. I feel, all the time, that my condition is like a tumor that can't be removed. It still feels like I come across as a creepy psycho to people at first sight. People seem to lie to me about how they feel, and talk down to me, treat me like I'm from another species. I feel much too often that I'm not fit to be among mainstream society.

Oh yes, that kind of thinking makes me sick, too. What desires did those men have? Rape is nothing erotic. It is plain violence. So the men had a desire towards violence to start with.

I agree. Why should it have to be us who do all the changing to fit in with everybody else?

My view is:

If I am, without realizing it, demonstrating behavior that is hurting or directly insulting other people, I need to be made aware of it, and yes, if you like, corrected, because that isn't acceptable for me to do.

However, if the only thing wrong with my behavior is that it makes them uncomfortable for no other reason than it isn't 'normal', then that's not my problem - it's theirs.

nope but but i'm always taunted for not teasing other people and being kind to those they call "ret*ds"

yeah the whole "Feral vs Domesticated" thing actually makes sense to me....

WRONG! This is Harassment and not allowed by law. You can go to your boss and tell him about the harassment. If they don't do anything you can go to HR and File a complaint. if nothing happens you can sue the company and her and your boss.

Note the definition of harassment is: if you feel your are being Harrassed, you are. in other word you define harassment, not your boss or 'your coworker'.

By taking it to work, she gave you a great and legal way to deal with her.

If you don't feel comfortable taking this matter to your boss, go straight to HR and tell them. Make sure you get a copy of the Harassment policy to arm yourself with. If you have a manager or job coach on your side it will help. keep all of the emails she is sending you. DO NOT respond to them other than to tell her to stop. if you respond in kind you will be as guilty as her. Document EVERYTHING!. Every email, snide remark bad phone call everything. and take it with you to file the complaint.

I did try to take action against her very early this year. HR blocked it, saying that I should move out first or the situation would be exascerbated. I also spoke to the police, who said that if they took any action they'd have to bail her back to the same address, and advised against making a complaint.

Luckily, I've heard nothing from her for almost six weeks. I put my foot down and refused to pay any more. She accused me of stopping her from moving on, at which point I reminded her that I'd moved out in May and had been trying to move on, but that her constant demands were a sign that she wasn't moving on and was trying to hold me back. Then I set an Outlook auto-reply to "Your message has been deleted unread."

Five hours and almost 150 messages later (increasingly angry, some incredibly offensive and bigoted), I dialled her extension and asked if she'd like me to show them to HR, her line manager, and the police.

I haven't heard anything from her since. I got my deposit back, sent the paperwork to close the joint account... and that's it. Peace and quiet.

Exactly the correct response. Just in case she starts it up again keep the emails in your archive. You would need them to prove a pattern of behavior.