When they said "Just ignore them"

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I received that advice for a long time... Also the one that "when one don't want, two don't fight..."

After some time I learned the "right" way: I ignore them, if they don't stop, I plailny bully them back...

The problem is that now I am becoming a bully myself :/ After so much bullying bullies, I sometimes (even by accident) bully innocent people, this make me feel really bad (when I notice it... usually I don't).

But the ways that best worked, as always, was violence...

I was in a sort of camp of the church, there was 600 other people from 13 to 19... I was 14, in my dorm there was more 60 around that age. I was sleeping in the upper bed of those beds that are two stacked, and there was several bullies in that dorm (and I knew it... I already knew them), and they acted only when the supervisor was not nearby, once of them was particularly fond of placing dentral cream on people, they even put in the ear of a unknown and shy child (noone knew that guy, and he was shy), he woke up crying with his ears red or something, I think that the cream was damaging his skin... That same guy on anotheer night insisted in creaming my legs, unfortunally to him, on the next night I was expecting him, when he came again, I landed a kick on his head so hard that his head bounced backward and hit other bed behind him (and there was a GOOD space between the beds, like 1 meter).

Later another guy kept bulling me I don't remember how, I grabbed my dehodorant spray and sprayed on his face while he was speaking something... He got really shocked, and screamed: YOU SPRAYHED MY MOOOUTH!! !

Both bullies stopped bothering me...


At school I once sparked a bizarre fight... Several bullies were bulling me, I grabbed a water plastic bottle and a notebook (made of paper... not a computer), and started to smack them, they too got some materials, and someone disarmed me and stole my "weapons", I don't know exactly what happened, but the result was 7 guys hitting each other with various objects, even the bullies were hitting themselves instead of me... It was really bizarre...

The ONLY way to make them stop is by beating the chicken s**t out of them.

In my experience, they tended to mean "don't show that hte bullying hurts you". Alternatively, they'd say "let itroll off your back". So not ignoring the bullies altogether, but pretending the bullying didn't have an effect on me. I was never able to do this, and when I was for a short while, it didn't help, either. I consider it jsut stupid advice from people who don't know what to do about the bullying so tell the victim to change instead.-

I always ignore them because I don't know how to deal with it.
It doesn't help at all, it just makes things worse. It's as if they actually enjoy being ignored.

Extreme pain and discomfort makes them stop.

The problem is that the bully is always someone who enjoys a high status in the group and will most likely get sided with if you retaliate, so coming against them is usually very risky or dangerous for the victim. And the victim is always someone not well-connected in the group, someone that no one of importance will stand up for. This is why they tell you to ignore them - because there's not much you can do in such a situation.

I was never bullied at school but I was bullied and ganged up on in several places I worked. I tried absolutely every idea I could think of, but in the end I had to leave those jobs, because absolutely nothing worked. These were extremely well-connected people and I didn't have any meaningful connections with anyone that could be influential in the group against these bullies.

The problem with violence is that it escalates, and you can find yourself the victim of a much more organized, hineous attack by several people. And needless to say, this is not relevant advice for girls and women suffering from bullying from boys and men. Another problem with retaliating with physical violence is that you can turn the tables against you by seriously causing bodily harm.

I don't have any good ideas against bullying, but when I have a bully at work, I make sure that all their bullying acts are exposed to as many people as possible, without myself looking like I'm complaning about them. I'll just leave proof around of things they did to me, comment to people on things they did to me pretending I'm just commenting because it's interesting or funny or necessary to comment on. This doesn't stop the bullying, but they at least think twice before doing the things they do to me, because they know that everyone will hear about it. Others don't care and will side with the bully, of course, but the bully is being observed all the same, and that can sometimes limit the ease with which they torment me. Bullying thrives in silence like a plant in fertile soil.

The problem is the victim tends to hide the bully's acts, it's an instinctive reaction to avoid the public embarrassment - and THIS is where bullies thrive. A bully cannot work alone. A bully needs the cooperation of the victim to keep what's going on silent.

Eg: In my last job I had this bully whom I shared an office with. She'd write me demeaning comments and put them up on the door outside, on the fax machine. I never tore them down, I left them there forever for everyone to see. I imagine it never crossed her mind that her mean notices would stay in place for years. Well, they did. If I'd torn them down, she would've made my walls and door a notice board for her humiliating messages about me, made a game of always finding something new to post to shame me. But she had to stop after the second notice, because covering the walls and door with papers would've made her look ridiculous, not me.

My sister is a bully, she's very seriously damaging. Last time she tried to bully me, I reported her to the police. I knew the police would do nothing about it, but the fact that she knows that her bullying acts are known of by a third party (not just she and I), deters her some. She doesn't feel as free to do to me as she pleases. She has to take into consideration more parameters than just little me.

I think carrying a tape recorder that's on at all times, and the bully knows it, can deter them some. Yes, it's bothersome, but after a while you won't need it anymore, as they won't use sound to bully you anymore. They'll go on to other things, and you'll find other ways to expose those other things.

Another one: send them a letter explaining how their behavior is disturbing you - and at the bottom write "CC: XX police (and any other organism or person you wish). It won't stop the bully, and those on CC will probably side with them, sadly, but they'll think twice, knowing that their acts are now public and not private. Even if people do side with them, people don't always like what these bullies are doing, and chances are the bully knows he may be losing points with them.

Well I had this problem quite a bit in secondary school and just thought, "Ignoring bullies does not solve the problem itself, it does not influence their behaviour". However someone on this forum gave me some VERY helpful advice and suggested just to pretend that the bullies are not there. That's fairly logical advice because you can just act as if they are not there to pick on you. However, if the bullying is physical, it might be hard to ignore, so if they're trying to hurt you, the best advice would be to try to ignore it completely and tell a teacher. That way, you can say you did nothing wrong. But if you retaliated to the physical bullying, and then told a teacher, the bully might use that against you.

Another diplomatic way of relieving the pain is 'destructive interference' (as I like to call it!) against other people's comments and nasty behaviour.
For example, if someone says to you "Get a life, loser", think something that opposes it and therefore cancels it out (e.g. "This person is a complete idiot who will get nowhere in life in that sadistic manner, and he will end up in prison") but don't say it out loud. Another way of explaining it is if the person's comment is given mathematically as C, where C is negative (a 'mood' variable, positive = , negative = ), then think to yourself a comment given by |C|.

So to summarise, when they mean "ignore them", pretend that they are not there, or try to block out negative comments from people by your positive thoughts.

That's what I do when I want to win an argument fast and surely. I tell THE TRUTH calmly. It's enough to destroy anyone. Truth is to an NT as light is to a vampire.

You remind me very much of a very famous southamerican cartoon protagonist, a precocious girl who appalls everyone by telling the truth. I was glad to see that some of it has been translated into English, even if it loses quite a bit in the translation.

LINK TO A SAMPLE HERE