So who has (AS) mastered social skills?

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I'm not sure anyone masters social skills, with or without AS.

Oh, some do. I won't even debate about this

BlackMetalIstKrieg that was great post. Thank you.

What's wrong with goths, punks, and hippies? Preppy and jock folks, I find, really discourage any sort of difference or diversity in people, and are heavily insistent on people dressing, talking and acting their way. They're also not so academically oriented, despite what many people think. The majority of people I've met who fit these stereotypes consider drinking to be their primary recreational activity: not a good thing at all if you're a serious student.

Most of my friends are what others consider to be bohemians, beatniks, nerds, and hippies. They're very open-minded and tolerant: a great thing if you're a bit socially awkward and have trouble fitting in. They also value knowledge and learning: and yes, most of them are academically gifted students

By 'preppy' and 'jock' folks, I meant hardcore Business, Accounting, Finance and Corporate Law students who are involved heavily in student government, athletics, and the like. The drunkards, I do agree, are a horrid group to hang around at university (they are not true 'preps' with class).

The reason I personally don't hang out with the 'hippie' type of student is the drug usage and non-academicness. It's not really academic studiousness that I value - it's more business savvy and the ability to network, thereby bringing me into a more successful circle. I have some hippie and gothic friends who are medical students or some such, but they aren't on the 'far end' of the hippie/gothic scale.

I'll change my recommendation though - studious friends with connections and focus are by far the best, whether they identify with a youth subculture or not.

That's exactly what I was referring to. Studiousness and contentiousness are probably the most ideal traits to look for if you're planning to stay focused in school.

I just can't stand Kin/Phys. Ed students, as they tend to make up the vast majority of the alcoholic prep/jock group. I never even thought of Business/Accounting/Finance students. The ones I've met seem to have an incredible amount of focus and a solid work ethic: excellent for keeping you attentive to your studies. My good friend takes something similar (Economics) and she's the most studious and focused person I know, with insane grades in the 90s. She's also a very supportive and loyal friend.

As for hippies and the like, I only associate with those who are either in or completed school...the idea of dismissing the educational system altogether can easily get one off the right track. They're usually at the low end of the hippie spectrum, but if they're higher up, they won't engage in risky behaviour that could potentially affect my studies (i.e. do tons of drugs).

Hmm...where did you happen to find these people?

I don't think there's anything wrong with being "preppy" or "goth" or "hippie" or anything like that. It's more important to find people with similar values and attitudes, not all of which you can find out about just by looking at them. Ask someone what book they've read lately, or what kind of music they like, or something that interests you. Push yourself to be social, but don't fake it. I would agree that joining a club is a good way to meet people. Even if you're not in school, check the events calendar or the classifieds/groups section of your local newspaper.

Anyway, I think that it is definitely possible to learn enough skills to function. Personally, I am most concerned about being able to function in a business/professional setting. I would be quite happy to be alone for the rest of my life, but I know that isn't feasible for my career ambitions. It helps to have a wide variety of loose acquaintances from whom you can garner job leads, or so I've read.

Some things that I have tried (directly/indirectly) include:
-- Improvisation workshops. Mostly for actors, but helpful for learning to think on your feet.
-- Medication. Not for everyone, and it was mostly to manage other things going on.
-- Behavior Therapy. I worked on this on my own through a workbook I bought, and it was helpful in developing some coping strategies.

Most important is to practice self-care. Check in with yourself regularly, and take breaks when you need them. "Pushing yourself" is not the same as overwhelming yourself socially. While it might be uncomfortable, it shouldn't set off any alarm bells in your head--if that's going on, you're not ready for what you're trying to do. Also, trying to work on your social skills should not inhibit your regular daily tasks--i.e., if you're too tired of people to go to your job or class, you're doing too much. Learn what calms you down--knitting, sudoku puzzles, even keeping a small tub of play-doh in your bag or pocket can help.

How would you know if someone you are talking to is "NT" ? they may have aspergers & have just mastered how to have a conversation. Maybe some people are born more anxious than others, but are better at hiding it than others, we will all get there in the end, but having a diagnosis of Aspergers could make things a bit more differ cult for the socially awkward child which will make the child even more self conscious than they already are & may damage their future social relationships , which becomes more apparent when the child reaches their teens, leading to depression & low self esteem.

I have not mastered it yet, but it is one of my goals. To be able to talk - that is what I wish to be able to do naturally and effortlessly. I'm working hard on it if you didn't see and I think the only thing that will ever limit yourself from being the absolute best at talking is your own mentality.

Granted, I seem to be what I would call a more lucky Aspie. While I suffer from bouts of depression and most of the other symptoms of Aspergers, one thing that I was blessed with was an intelligent mind, so I was able to quickly start working towards my goals in just a span of 2 years.

Talking to other people makes me feel accomplished and incredibly happy. It scares me that until 7th grade, I wasn't sad not because I was happy, but because I wasn't sad. I was just.... neutral, satisfied with going to school and being a loner. But after getting 'friends' (actually acquaintances) I felt this really good feeling inside. And by darn, I won't be afraid to work my butt off to go and chase after that. An endless road to run down or not, it's not the destination but the journey. And I plan to make that a journey that progressively continues to get better.

But that's just me.

My wife and I had moved to another metro area for work. Even though I still have longtime friends, I find it difficult for myself to find new ones. I would say putting yourself out there is probably the first step, if your not around anybody, your not going to gain any interaction skills.

Yes, I have.

Whenever you do, a stairway would magically appear within nowhere, and you will walk up to an old man with a beard high on the mountain tops. "Well, my young wise aspie friend. You mastered social skills, way to go" He says. "Thanks" I say.

But, seriously speaking, I am two thirds of a way there.

I think a good way how our social skills are compared to NT's is like this.

An NT is a computer with decent- to very good hardware, and the Operating system(windows) is working fine.
With an asperger, the hardware tends to be good(smart people with talents), but the operating system isn't working as it should. The processor is missing connections so it can't handle a lot of information at once.

The registry of NT's have 99.9% of the keys available, where each key represents a social interaction, observation, instruction for a response and the value of most keys are within a certain level, (i.e. an NT has a value of 60 for spontaniously telling to an aquaintance what he has been doing, whereas an AS person generally has a lower level, say 20, or there are keys which handle relevance and relative context are missing/ have a 'wrong'(not in the 'normal' range of a NT ), which could make an AS person less interesting for socializing from an NT perspective.

AS people have less of the 'needed' registry keys, especially those concerning social interaction, say 40-80%. But through experience this might rise, but still the values of many keys are so different from NT people that there will still be something 'peculiar' or 'different' in an AS person, in NT perspective.
And by bullying several values can be changed in a negative way, such as 'threshold of spontaniously telling about my feelings', which could first be 10(easily telling about feelings) to 80(nearly not telling anything at all).

I hope I made my comparison of the AS/NT brain to how a computer works clear, I don't have much time but maybe I can later explain more/try make it clearer.

With me I think I posess about 85% of the keys, but the values are a bit scrambled up since I entered high school I didn't have a lot of trouble with socializing in primary school, I knew everyone from the school, could get along with most people from class and had 7 'real' friends. When I look back now I wonder how could they be so forgiving, because I acted strangely sometimes. I think it is because when I entered the primary school I immediately made a lot of connections and they just took me as I was. I used to think that my social skills were 'gone' and was afraid I would never get them back, but now I slowly see difference again and all the 'values' just need to be reset

Unfortunately we all have some traits, some more than others its called personalty, character, some people are shy some people are outgoing,& everyone suffers from anxiety & stress it is part of our human make up. but usualy it is the shy ones that will suffer with anxiety & stress more which can manifest itself in certain behaviours to deal with this trait. for example social isolation, low self esteem, naive,vulnerability, depression, aggression, anti socail behaviour, inward thinking, negative thinking constant worrying. If we can change our way of thinking & not focus on the negative , we may have a chance of a more fulfilling life it may take years it may take months, with the right people & suppoert around us we will be ok.

Except that, for a good number of us, shyness is not the problem. Some of us are capable of talking to people easily without feeling incredibly anxious or scared (otherwise, I wouldn't be part of the speech and debate team) but when it comes to the talking itself, then nothing can really be said.

Its all down to personalty,to all the people dx with aspergers or higher functioning ones & anxiety is shown in many different ways which some people do not reconise.

I probably mastered the vast majority of them.