Social expectations that make no sense to you

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People expect you to stop everything you're doing (working, reading, watching something interesting on TV, etc.) just to make useless smalltalk. If you don't drop everything you're doing, they get mad.

Why is it what when people find out I'm engaged, they immediately ask, "When is the wedding date?" or "What is your color scheme?" That information is none of their concern!

Random strangers will come up to me, touch my hair without my permission, and then proceed to tell me how I should style my hair. Is this really socially accpetable? WTF!

Back in the old days, people were expected to have kids as soon as they married. While this trend has changed, many people don't seem to have adapted mentally... at least not when it concerns others.



Back in the old days, people were expected to be married around their 20s. While this trend has changed, many people don't seem to have adapted mentally... at least not when it concerns others.



Especially if you're outside, the weather is an easy non-offensive icebreaker. On top of that, neurotypical people are emotionally sensitive to weather changes and therefore it is also an easy topic to find common ground.



They try to guestimate what you're doing. If they're right, they get a sense of mutual understanding, which can help in the banding process.



It creates a positive emotion.



Job applications are intended not to test your skills but to test your personality. You have to adjust your behavior to the kind of personality they want as a new employee and if you don't do this there's no chance in hell they'll hire you. In fact, they might even hire someone with a more applicable personality but worse qualifications.



It creates a sense of having shared knowledge not available to other people, which in turn creates an emotional connection.



Women have a biological clock ticking. The older she gets, the lower the quality of her egg cells become. Whether intuitively or rationally, people still seem to link marriage with having children.



It creates a sense of connection between students who have little else in common and it allows for some great parties and other social events to be organised.



It's a silly American tradition (it's far from common in all countries) orriginated from DeBeers advertisements.



It's another silly American tradition, probably originating from the desire to create the appearance of wealth.



It's an ancient ritual originating from the attempt to seek closure with taking absense from a loved one.



If the stranger cannot harm you with the info provided, there is no risk in sharing the info and it could lead to both a pleasant emotional experience and a pleasant intellectual experience.



Christianity brings comfort to Christians. Even though some in a way do realise that their beliefs are very irrational, they hold on to their views because they're afraid to lose the hope and courage it gives them.



Neurotypical people are emotionally sensitive to the behavior of other people as well as music. The combination of likable music and happy faces releases a certain amount of dopamine in their body and this gives a very comfortable feeling as well as an energy boots that makes them want to talk and/or dance.



It's a signal to other people (eg. waiters) that says you're finished.



Arbitrary custom.



Unless they had a troubled childhood, neurotypical people tend to live according to the ways they are raised because that's what their intuition tells them to.



Arbitrary traditional ettiquette.



Traditional ettiquette.



It's because you come off as egocentric or antisocial if you don't give them at least a bit of attention when they try to get your attention. The best thing you could do, is to just give them a few minutes od your time, then politely tell them you're actually quite busy and then ask them if they don't mind if you continue your activities.



They aren't really interested in your wedding date or your color scheme but just want to have a chat and among neurotypicals it is considered sympathetic to talk about the life of the person you're talking with. I don't see why you should hide this kind of information for anyone, so among neurotypicals it would be best just to go along with it and tell them what they want to hear.



In some circles this may be socially acceptable, but this is definitely not a general thing. If you feel uncomfortable with this, you should explicitly tell them but try not to be too rude because they may not realise they're doing something bad.

If the stranger cannot harm you with the info provided, there is no risk in sharing the info and it could lead to both a pleasant emotional experience and a pleasant intellectual experience.

.[/quote]

first if they are a stranger how do I know? second, there is no reason to let anyone in onto my life, thiird, I rather avoid those things, so why would I encourgae them?

Last edited by Eggman on 26 Mar 2010, 3:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Not all information can be used to hurt you. I really don't understand why some people are so reluctant with sharing harmless facts about themselves.



Do you have a reason not to?



If you let people in onto your life, they might become friends. If you don't, it seems almost impossible to me to obtain sincere and intense friendships.

I managed to

Weird. I wouldn't know how to.

Anyway, could you please edit the post you made before your last one. You left out a BBCode-tag and it messes up the layout.

[quote="Salonfilosoof
Women have a biological clock ticking. The older she gets, the lower the quality of her egg cells become. Whether intuitively or rationally, people still seem to link marriage with having children.

[/quote]

men have one two, your clock starts ticking at conception, stops at death

Sorry, I wondered what went wrong

I don´t know why, if someone asks "do I look fat?" or "does this dress look bad?" you´re supposed to always say "no". If the answer is supposed to always be the same, rather than the actual truth, why do they bother to even ask the question?

In the country where I live at the moment, people seem to be offended if you forget to say "Good Morning". But I can´t always keep track of who I already said "Good Morning" to, or I just forget. Also, people here wish a "Happy New Year"- even if it´s January 6th- if you haven´t seen that person yet after New Year. Once, I wished a woman a "Happy New Year" twice, on 2 different days, and she was totally offended that I forgot about the first time. Well, at least I didn´t forget to say it.

If I´m sitting on the train, and an overweight person sits next to me, they get really angry if they are touching the rucksack I have in the seat next to me. But if I put the bag on my lap, then I have to spread out more, so they would have to touch me anyway. They don´t seem to mind touching ME, but they get livid if they have to touch my bag! This I don´t understand at all. Since they´re fat, either way they´ll be touching something, as they´re taking up some of my space as well. (And I don´t like to touch strangers, hence the bag...) Oh, and I seem to somehow just attract, like a magnet, these obese bag-haters....

THIS! What's wrong with just going up to people and saying hi? But noooo people instist in diving on eachother and calling eachother hun and holding hands.
When I watch the programme "come dine with me" whenever the dinner guest knocks on the door and the host answers it's always "OOOOH you look gorgeous!! Oh darling those flowers for ME?? mwa mwa! OOOH *hugs* I AM pleased to see yoooou" in this over the top high voice and they exaggerate everything from greeting eachother to accepting gifts. For god's sake just say "hi, nice to see you, thanks for the flowers" and leave it there!

Some neurotypicals (especially women) ask questions not to get your opinion but just to get confirmation. They ask you a question expecting you to say their decision is right or to say something to make them feel better rather than you actually giving your personal opinion. These are typical examples.



By fulfilling these expectations, you show Neurotypicals that you have attention for them. They feel offended when they feel ignored.



Can't explain that... Never experienced it myself. Maybe they feel offended because your rucksack (is that an English word?) is taking space they could otherwise utilise for their own body?!?

I realize that people do this, it´s just that I really don´t understand the logic. Do false, untruthful affirmations really make people feel better? And I imagine that sometimes at least, they may ask a question and really want a truthful answer. So how can you tell the difference?



Well I do talk to these people, so I´m not ignoring them. It´s just that they get super offended if I don´t say the "Good Morning" label. I just have trouble, at work for instance, keeping track of who I did/didn´t say it to. I´m going to have to bring a notebook, write a list and then check it all the time.



I know, strange, huh!

What I don't understand, is that if I want to have a kid using artificial insemination, people get all upset that the kid doesn't have a 'dad.' Well, what if I don't want to screw some dude?

Also, why do neurotypicals expect other people to be sexually active in order for them to be considered 'normal?' Why do the virginal folks get jeered at, especially the males?
I would love to have a male who was chaste, as he isn't likely to have some hidden STD or a possible 'love child' out there somewhere.

Lastly, why do people always act surprised when a person has no TV? I don't really find anything good on, so I don't bother with one.

When you let somone peer through the keyhole of the door to the room of your life, they seem to think they get to open the door and walk right in

Yes. It seems to be that the emotions involved are more important than the actual content, however I find it hard to really put any logic behind it.



I guess distinguishing between both is a matter of experience.



I'm NOT saying you ARE ignoring them. I'm saying to them it FEELS LIKE you are ignoring them. That's a huge difference.



Uhuh....



Many people (including myself) believe that a kid needs both a mother and a father figure for a stable childhood. I also don't think it's a good idea to have a kid if you're not willing to "screw some dude".



Most males have a fairly active libido and men who do not need sex are most definitely ackward. For women this is a bit more common but still...



What about men who only had sex within steady relationships? They are just as unlikely to have some hidden STD or have a possible "love child" out there.



I don't watch TV either, but I still have one that I use to watch DVDs. I think most people have become so used to owning a TV they cannot fanthom the idea that someone might not need one.

Gender roles make absolutely no sense, to me. They're just a bunch of outdated rules, that should have been done away with, in the 1970s.