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SoSayWeAll
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13 Jun 2010, 8:21 pm

That's good. :) Someone who is embarrassed should seem subdued. I just wanted to make sure there weren't any signs of overacting. (Not sure how to describe it, but if you've ever seen Edward Scissorhands, some of the Avon ladies did this in a very exaggerated form. ;) )


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jc6chan
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20 Jun 2010, 5:33 pm

I remember there was a while when I refused to hang out with church friends. When I finally hung out with them, no one minded me tagging along, its just that I don't see the point of hanging out with them.



countzarroff
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20 Jun 2010, 8:26 pm

Because I have had so much social skills training to the point where I can pass myself off as a NT with new people, I don't really have much of a problem meeting them or making friends with them. Most are actually pretty surprised when I tell them that I do, a couple of people didn't even believe me when I said I had it. Once people start talking about the right subjects though, it comes out. Most of my friends are in fact NTs. When I got to college, a lot of them where people I would never imagine being friends with in high school (fraternity jocks, party animals, etc.)

What worked for me:
My advice is that people in high school should TAKE THE SOCIAL SKILLS COURSES. Are they embarassing and boring, usually, but they do help a lot. Practice looking people in the eye and if you think you sound funny, sometimes learning to develop a common accent where your from can help deal with that.
You don't need to get all fasion crazy and get the latest thing every day, but I would strongly advise against wearing anything that attracts negative attention. If you really like to wear a trench coat like I do sometimes, do it when its pouring out, don't wear it on a sunny day (black ones are a big no no if you want to at least be approachable.) Nowadays I tend to wear a flatcap and a plaid shirt as casual wear, I rarely wear my trenchcoat as much as I used to.
Be flexible and try new things. Yeah that means try seeing if you enjoy something you have never enjoyed before (sports was the case for me.) I found that I was not interested in many of the popular sports that were in my area. However, I went to a couple hockey games and decided I liked it. So you really never know what you will like until you try everything. The more things you like, the more likely you'll find people who have that in common with you. Plus you'll be suprised to find people who like a lot of the things you like whom you'd never guess does.
Finally, stay away from social cliques. Even the nerd ones. Don't waste your time with them. They already have "clicked" together and have a hierarchy all set up. You will find yourself discluded by people who want to prove their dominance over you. Just don't waste your time with these people. Even if it seems like they like you at first, they are only looking for prey.

I hope this helped. A lot of NTs are really not that bad once you get to know them.



countzarroff
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20 Jun 2010, 8:42 pm

Greenmouse wrote:
Hi!

Here's my situation: my NT friends are church friends. We share the same interest for theology (of course) and psychology. I like them very much, and I feel so comfortable with them. They say they do like me though, but I always have a doubt in my mind. For about a year and a half, they avoided me. Now they say I'm part of the gang, but they still often hang out without me. I chill with them on Saturdays and Sundays and I chat with one of them on a daily basis. I am never invited to other activities. I don't mean chilling together in small groups. They invite everyone excepts me. Does it mean they only have pity for me? I don't know if I should feel rejected or not.


I'm saying this with good intentions. That is the wrong way to go about making friends. If they are all sharing an exact set of interests they are a clique. Yes, you want to have friends who have things in common with eachother, but if they as a whole group are so strictly bonded by set interests such as theology or psychology then they like what you think, not you. Do you really think these people would still want to be friends with you if you turned into an atheist the next day?

Plus, look at the way they seem to like you on and off, as well as never invite you to anything they like. They are preying on your desire to be friends with them (I remember a clique that did the same thing to me in high school.) When you meet a real group of friends, they are often very different from each other and bonded by a bunch of different things but always seem to be trying something new every couple of times you see them. Honestly I'd just say don't waste your time. I'm sure there's plenty of people in Canada that you can meet who will like you for who you are, not what you are to them.



CaptainTrips222
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23 Jun 2010, 5:51 am

countzarroff wrote:
Greenmouse wrote:
Hi!

Here's my situation: my NT friends are church friends. We share the same interest for theology (of course) and psychology. I like them very much, and I feel so comfortable with them. They say they do like me though, but I always have a doubt in my mind. For about a year and a half, they avoided me. Now they say I'm part of the gang, but they still often hang out without me. I chill with them on Saturdays and Sundays and I chat with one of them on a daily basis. I am never invited to other activities. I don't mean chilling together in small groups. They invite everyone excepts me. Does it mean they only have pity for me? I don't know if I should feel rejected or not.


I'm saying this with good intentions. That is the wrong way to go about making friends. If they are all sharing an exact set of interests they are a clique. Yes, you want to have friends who have things in common with eachother, but if they as a whole group are so strictly bonded by set interests such as theology or psychology then they like what you think, not you. Do you really think these people would still want to be friends with you if you turned into an atheist the next day?

Plus, look at the way they seem to like you on and off, as well as never invite you to anything they like. They are preying on your desire to be friends with them (I remember a clique that did the same thing to me in high school.) When you meet a real group of friends, they are often very different from each other and bonded by a bunch of different things but always seem to be trying something new every couple of times you see them. Honestly I'd just say don't waste your time. I'm sure there's plenty of people in Canada that you can meet who will like you for who you are, not what you are to them.


The bold part is an excellent point. Well put, too. Keep that in mind- they're friends based on an obsession, not appreciation for each other. These are unstable friendships, so it might not be worth it to pursue.



jmnixon95
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23 Jun 2010, 9:13 am

Greenmouse wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
I get along with NTs, just as long as they treat me with respect.


Usually, NTs show no respect for people on the spectrum.



I'm not an NT, but stereotyping NTs in the manner you happen to be just isn't right... I know plenty of very accepting NTs.



MONIQUEIJ
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23 Jun 2010, 8:30 pm

only a few but they have to be shy



Kat15
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24 Jun 2010, 2:00 am

Yep, . It's weird like I can get along good with NT's I prefer to be friends with them, I just have to get to know them first.



Element333
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25 Jun 2010, 12:15 pm

I can get along with NTs as long as I rarely see & interact with them. When exposed to them for long periods of time (like, for instance, at work), I invariably say something weird or stupid and they suddenly stop talking to me. I don't make the effort anymore. The NTs whom I speak to/interract with nowadays are the extremely outgoing A-type personalities who will talk to anyone. My husband, fortunately, is extremely outgoing. If it weren't for that, we'd have never even dated. 99% of our current NT friends are actually his friends. They just "tolerate" me.

E333



astaut
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28 Jun 2010, 10:26 pm

The bit you said about them hanging out with you because they are Christians...I think you're correct. I didn't really want to say it because I've heard you talk about your Christianity and know it's important, but I think that's what it is. It could also just be that they are NT girls and often they don't want to say what they're really thinking. They'd rather just ignore you and hang out without you than admit that you aren't part of the gang (this has happened to me too).

You said "If the Christians won't hang out with me, who will?" I just wanted to say...the Christians aren't going to be the nicest people all the time. I know that in church we're taught that we're supposed to be Christ-like and yada-yada, but the truth is that often Christians are NOT going to be nice to you. The are a million reasons why but why is think this is is due to two main reasons, 1. Christians are the majority (religion wise) so there will be less unkind people just because there are more people, period..and 2. Many are so afraid of sinning that they very careful about who their friends are and stuff. Or they feel like they don't have enough fun because they are a Christian, thus they don't have time for us 'tag-a-long' aspies because they need all the fun they can get. If they aren't being good friends, look for friends elsewhere. And it sounds like they aren't.


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Greenmouse
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28 Jun 2010, 10:34 pm

Update:

I talked to my NT friends and they say they don't do it anymore. They include me and I trust them.



Guitar_Girl
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29 Jun 2010, 1:58 pm

All of my friends are like me, and other people make fun of us.

I had friends who were NTs but they always grew apart from me.

NT People in school see me as judgemental, but they are the ones who don't like me in the first place...



hans66
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04 Jul 2010, 8:25 am

It is easier for my to interact with NTs and have NT friends now than in the past. In the past it was way harder.

I remember an introverted NT woman that only seek contact with me, but not with other colleagues. She was more introverted than I am, because when I feel alright and being accepted, I can be pretty social and outgoing for an autistic, I think that NT women will still notice that something is wrong, especially those that get more interested in me.

I sometimes have some distrusts towards NTs, but I sometimes even find myself in the position of defending NTs against generalizing by some autistics (not by every autistic). I just find that NTs are not nasty per se. Many of them (it might be NTs that are 30 years or older) are quite understanding and socializable.



hans66
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04 Jul 2010, 8:29 am

Element333 wrote:
The NTs whom I speak to/interract with nowadays are the extremely outgoing A-type personalities who will talk to anyone. My husband, fortunately, is extremely outgoing


I would describe these NTs as very social. They are polite to anyone, including me. So they are the easiest to interact with.



SaNcheNuSS
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04 Jul 2010, 12:36 pm

hans66 wrote:
It is easier for my to interact with NTs and have NT friends now than in the past. In the past it was way harder.

I remember an introverted NT woman that only seek contact with me, but not with other colleagues. She was more introverted than I am, because when I feel alright and being accepted, I can be pretty social and outgoing for an autistic, I think that NT women will still notice that something is wrong, especially those that get more interested in me.

I sometimes have some distrusts towards NTs, but I sometimes even find myself in the position of defending NTs against generalizing by some autistics (not by every autistic). I just find that NTs are not nasty per se. Many of them (it might be NTs that are 30 years or older) are quite understanding and socializable.


The NT's are being trained how to understand us better than before. They still have a ways to go.