Who has no friends?

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I automatically think of friendship as temporary, because in 30 years it always has been. I'll occasionally connect with someone, have a lot in common, spend loads of time together, naively think this time it might last... Then they're gone. I never know why. There's never been an *incident* - it's just suddenly over.

Nope, never. Came sorta close to one when I used to work but she moved farther away & we haven't been in contact for a while...

Nowadays Ive gotten too used to my solidarity that I dont really want any...unfortunately that means if you get in a jam basically you have to go it alone & cant rely on help...but I just cant trust people enough to let them get close to me...

Ive had way too many of those. Having them as "friends" is sometimes worse than having none at all...

I had friends when I did drugs. I still have a few but I hardly see them. All in all, I go through weeks at a time without seeing or talking to anybody. So I turn to the internet like I always have and probably always will.

I answered a question similar to this on another post some time ago.......

I basically have no "real-life" friends. I don't want them and don't need them. Basically all my friends are in the cyber-world on forums such as these. I simply find trying to get along with NT's to be a waste of time and very draining. I find it easier to ignore them and communicate with people like myself on these forums.

Rob

Friends i wish i barely have contact with Homo Sapiens let alone friends i would be happy if i get to talk to someone once a week

I have 3 people I consider good friends. Two of which are now in the military. That leaves me with one. I have a hard time keeping in contact, mainly because I never know what to talk about. Things in my life are about as exciting as a snail race. I love my birds and computer more than I do human beings.

No friends. I have had friends in the past(10 years ago at college).
But never extremely close friends, I doubt anybody every considered me their
best friend. Even though I would take a bullet for them. I do not want or need
friends now. It would be nice to have a girlfriend.

Wow. I'd hate to say that I'm pleased with seeing so many lonely people here, but finally I find a board where people understand what its like to experience what I experience.

Well, I guess I'm the typical shy loner computer geek or something, seeing as how I have a grand total of ONE in-person friend, but several great friends online who I chat with in MSN messenger. Some of them also do not feel normal, and feel misunderstood, and its great, its probably why we connect well. I do not know if any of them have AS, but my best friend is particularly normal and exciting (must be an NT) and really has his life together, so sometimes I wonder why does he ever bother talking to me when I'm often depressed and my life is going no where. But we really seem to click - we agree about alot of things and have a really similar, bizarre sense of humour (lets just say if you saw some of our chats you might think we belong in a psyciatric ward =P ).

Ofcourse, I really appreciate my online friends. I probably wouldn't be here today without them. But my in-person friend, she's always very busy, so we almost never see each other, and its really really hard on me. I desire to have a social life so much....just on occasion. I mean NOT to party, but just to do ANYTHING with PEOPLE, good friends that is, that doesn't require sitting on the computer all the time. I mean I need exercise too, and I have no interest in it, cause I would either do that alone, or with family. And for some reason, I am not very connected to my family. Well my brothers are total jerks and I don't wanna be doing stuff with parents, I desire real friends my own age.... very very much, the loneliness is too much to bare sometimes. But at the same time, I mean, socialising is pretty nerve-wracking and draining on me (another reason why I need to practice it more, get more comfortable). I do appreciate my space and my privacy, I just want to have MORE than just that.

But college really was a nightmare. I felt so socially isolated in college - I felt like I had the power of invisibility or something. I could not understand why people there who were so outgoing and easy to talk and meet with each other - why didn't they come up to ME? I don't LOOK like a dork, I don't think. I'm a nerd in desquise really. I look and act mostly normal, but its like I give off this 'vibe' that acts as some sort of NT repellant. Even though I really REALLY hate that, because I very much wish to meet some decent normal people who could be meanful friendships. I did meet some aquantises. In fact I had some social success and I was very proud of myself, but nothing turned into hanging out or making friends. I have met people I wanted to be friends with outside college, but they always ALWAYS move away....

And as for seeking out AS people, I tend to hope I don't meet them really (no offense to anyone). Because I have had some very very bad experiences with AS individuals who were more obviously disabled than I was. One of them was even taking advantage of me, or it seemed like. This is really a shame, because it makes me nervous to go to any Aspie social groups as I fear it will happen again. In fact, I guess I have a social anxiety towards ANYONE, because its very hard to know who i can trust, who won't leave me behind, or mock or take advantage.

I will say though, pricks and sickos obviously exist on the internet as well. You can easily make friends, but get too carried away with feeling accepted at a message board, and eventually the people who can't stand you will come out seemingly in a PACK and all attack you and drive you out. One particular message board which I used to feel actually POPULAR and loved at, some kind of huge conspiracy happened cause someone I trusted and thought was my friend was really using my details and impersonating me online, and getting me in alot of trouble! I also had my first love online, and he turned out to be a player.... so... Really, though its easier to make friends online, don't take it for granted. It can still be a very cruel place, and some people don't consider that text is actually a REAL PERSON with REAL FEELINGS on the other end somewhere in the world, so because they can't look you in the eyes, they think its ok to say anything, no matter how cruel.

No real friends for me. The son of my mom's best friend says he's my friend, but all he does is make fun of me and bully me.

I had a friend once, when I was in third and fourth grade. She also was an Aspie, so we got along well.

I can certainly relate to that. My university years were like that. I could never understand how NT's were able to just make friendships (and relationships) just happen. It never worked for me then and doesn't now. I have basically given up on any kind of meaningful interactions with NT's as they just don't have the time for anyone different than they are.

Rob

Aww. Don't give up. Have some faith in people. There are certainly very nice and open-minded NTs in existence, and its got to be possible to meet them and make friends with them. Its just the starting point, and making conversation is the hardest. But all it really takes is ONE good friend who knows other friends, and he or she can introduce you to others. I was invited by my friend to go to her birthday dinner. The only person I knew there besides her was her boyfriend. She had several other friends there, nice and normal people, but they were alot more social and chatty than myself. I just kinda felt like I almost wasn't there, but, when the opportunities came, I did talk a bit. I'm sure she explained to them at a seperate time that I'm very shy with new people. They seem like good people, I just couldn't really make a connection. A couple of them were gamers though, like I am. I think if I just spent time with the gamers, I would have alot to say, and I could possibly even make friends!

Hey yeah.... I gotta ask her if I can meet one of them again, lol.

I think it is possible for me, I just never had a good opportunity yet. Even in college, the people I wanted to talk with and make friends with, they always seemed preoccupied amoungst themselves, and I didn't feel like my work was impressive enough like theirs so I didn't have any tips or suggestions for their assignments either. There was really no real way for me to wedge myself into their small group. So, it was a rather lonely experience. I wish there was some magic confidence pill or something I could take and instantly have the ability to make friends, lol. That would be awesome huh...

Thanks for the words of encouragement. That some Aspies manage to have successful friendships/relationships is likely proof that what you say is true.

I think my biggest problem is that a lifetime of living with AS (among other handicaps) has made me very bitter, depressed and resentful towards the normal population. I am always plagued by thoughts of inadequacy and wonder why life (or God?) has punished me like this. I find it very painful to see how normals have lives that develop and go somewhere. That is they meet people and make friends who invite them places and they meet more friends. This leads to girlfriends and boyfriends which evetually leads to marriage and children. I have seen so many normal people go through this process (or some variation of it) and they take it for granted. I basically have the same life I had when I left university many years ago.

Another thing that scares me is that I have had no opportunity to develop/practice social or communication skills. I suspect that if someone did want to be my friend, I would have no way of knowing how to make it work. The same goes for relationships. I have never had a girlfriend and have never even had a date. I simply have no idea of how these things work.

Admittedly, I am a little more depressed than usual right now but the same problems still exist for me at all times anyway.

The funny thing is that I don't actually mind being as I am. It is NT's general attitude towards anyone different that gets me down. I think that in the right environment I could be a very friend to anyone who wanted to get to know me. That I can converse with people on these forums is proof of that. I think your idea of a little magic pill has its attractions......

Rob

There was a time when I could relate to much of what has been written on this thread.

I, too, wanted to have friends, be successful and all the rest of it. I even made several attempts at it, failing abysmally on each occasion. At the back of my mind, was the annoyance and frustration with the behaviour of others, the fact that I very quickly became unpopular and outside the group tended to undermine my confidence to continue running the fruitless treadmill.

These days however, I am much happier. I am 'out of the loop', so to speak, because being older, there is no social pressure to, nor is there any condescension for my refusing to play the dating game.

I found that too many 'friends' were just playing games, theough there were only three of those in my 41 years. One was when I was 23 or so, another was when I was 34 and that is because we were both 'outsiders' and the third was when I was at college and that was because she had alienated everyone else, so there was only me left. She turned out to be a gossipy chatterbox who managed to mobilise everyone else against me. For this act of treachery, she earned herself the much-deserved soubriquet of 'Salacious Crumb'.

Not sure if this is the right thread to post in but what the hell right. I was on a dating site and there was a thread about Aspergers and I read everyones replies and thought - s**t thats me!

In December of last year I resigned from my job of 10 years simply because I didnt like a couple of people at work. Since then I have been unemployed (except for helping my brother do a building job). Its to the point that I really should be getting a job and I just cant. I have emailed for jobs and when I get phone calls or emails about it I just dont respond. Im not sure why I dont - part of me thinks its because I forgot what job I applied for and so Im getting nowhere with it all.

In the last 6 months I have done some random things - not that this time in my life is different to any other - apart from being unemployed. I decided that I didnt like society - there is nothing about it that I like. I decided that I would simply pack a bag and go and live in the forest - Grizzly Adams style. I wrote a list of things I would need and I added to it when I needed to. Needless to say I havent gone but its winter where I am at the moment and its damn cold.

I have all sorts of weird thoughts, amongst which a few good ones are:
* I am certain that my friends and family get paid to spend time with me. Yes I know this sounds crazy and I dont get it either but Im 100% certain in my head that this is real.
* It seems that every ex girlfriend has gone onto a wicked relationship after breaking up with me - no joke every ex girlfriend has moved onto something more solid than I ever gave them. Now I know you're thinking the law of averages works here, but all I know is that they do move onto something better.
* Im the only human being. I get this feeling that I alone am the only human being on the earth and that everyone else is not.

I have suffered from a few decent head injuries. I fell off a balcony and suffered a subdural haematoma, fell off someones shoulders - this was a doozy. I fell from someones shoulders onto the road. Had heaps of cuts and blacked out for a short time. This was a really strange time for me. I was at home and someone told me that we were waiting for an "Emma" before dinner. I thought long and hard and couldnt for the life of me figure out who "Emma" was. Emma was a girl that had been flatting with me for about 2 years and even though she was in the house i completely didnt know an Emma when told of her. Further to this incident I was 10000% certain that I could physically fly just with my arms as wing. I could jump up and launch myself into flight. Now I knew I couldnt but in my mind it was as though I could. I told my girlfriend who took me to an accident and emergency clinic. They thought I had concussion and were telling me to go home and I told them that I had had a serious fall and gave them my hospital ID number. They called the hospital and were told to put me into an ambulance and get me to hospital ASAP. I told them there was no fuss, signed out and caught a bus to the hospital. Since then I was diagnosed with epliepsy as I had a few odd "seizure" situations.

I was an outpatient in a mental organisation here in New Zealand. They helped me get off benzo diazepams which I was on for about 2 years (damn that was fun) and had signed me out when I attempted to take my own life. Within a day or so I had woken up in hospital and decided that I would walk home (yeah I know not so bright). So I simply got out of bed put my clothes on (thankfully they didnt cut this set off) and walked out. My case worker was at home and told me I could go into respite care for a week (living with other challenged people) or be committed. So I spent a week with some other people and then went home.

Now Ive lost my concentration along this post, but Im at a point where I know something is wrong up top. But..... I dont know where to turn. The outpatient situation would be best but the people there brought my family into it last time and I dont want to worry. Anyone else whos tried to take their life will understand the horrible feeling that can only come to those who survive - at this moment I would like to say (for better or for worse) that the only thing worse than killing yourself is actually surviving the attempt. I am always being asked if I am okay - to which I ALWAYS lie.

Any suggestions?

Oh and I have ignored my friends for months. I have only seen about 5 in the last 6 months.

Friends had some then they all disappeared. I don't have any friends now. There are people who know me but none that really know me know me. Oh well.