How do you tell people you are Aspie?

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Well my boss knows and seems to be pretty understanding but the thing I have luck with is that the head HR lady for my company knows and she has an aspie son so she really understands if a coworker in the company tries to do anything to me she will go after them.

I'm leery about telling anyone if that is truly the case. My fears are ridicule, shame, guilt, and isolation.

But unfortunately, the Army won't put me through the testing to get a diagnosis, so I really don't know, but my family and those who know me best say that the traits are a dead ringer for it.

I tend not to tell ANYONE. If anything happens it'll be ". . . was known to have mental disorders. . ". I've never told anyone I was Autistic without it going bad. You know, the whole thing where they try to be understanding, but then just kinda float out of your life.

I don't think people mean to do it, they just don't want to have people with mental disorders around their kids or whatever, and they start seeing your quirks as signs of you being messed up instead of just you being quirky. I think it's the same thing as with alcoholics. Whenever I'm around a known alcoholic acting erratically, I can't help but wonder if he's been boozing again. I have to try to remember all the time not to offer him a beer, etc. etc. It's just added mental stress of remembering what you can and can't do with that friend.

My belief is that if you don't tell ANYONE, it may be harder, but you can pretend to be a perfectly average person and not have anyone second guess a thing you do. But if everyone knows you're "mentally challenged", which is how most people will think of it, they'll be wary of you doing all sorts of stuff. Such as. . . . .

Watching their kids,
Having drinks together,
Going to the gun range,
Loaning you their car,
etc. etc.

Pretty much anything involving a high level of personal responsibility.

Since I'm "high functioning" enough to keep people believing that I'm NT, just a really weird ass NT, I'm gonna keep at it.

Though if you DO tell people that you have something different about yourself, and it works out for you, let us all know. It'll make us feel better.

When I was diagnosed I tried telling some people I trusted about it. Most of them had no idea what aspergers was and I had to explain it to them.
After getting weird looks a few times when I mentioned the socialising trouble I gave up on trying to tell people I know.


If someone figures out by themselves and asks I will answer them vorrectly but I gabe up trying to tell other people.

Normally, I keep it a secret. In fact, the grand majority of people who know me either don't know, or I don't know they know because I haven't told them and they've said nothing. What I decided to do was to not mention it, and not tell anyone until I really trust them.
One of my friends know because we've been friends for a really long time. The fact is not brought up very often, though, which I'm fine with.
I told some other people that I've formed a close enough bond with nothing horrible coming from it, and one of them even had a good understanding of autism which, needless to say, filled me with glee.

When I told a club of mine, I got mixed reactions. One person reacted well and understood autism well enough to even help me explain things. Another person got confused because they've only known of the low-functioning stereotype, so I had to go into deeper explaining. Another person kind of just strayed away; I got worried, but things eventually went back to the status quo between us.

I think the reason I got such mixed reactions with the club was because I may have told them prematurely. In the future, I think I'll try to find out what they know about it first, though I don't know how to bring the topic up without looking odd.
But yeah, one major reason for me not telling anyone is because of the social stigma some people have with autism. Even if they don't actively try to be anti-autistic, a sort of awkwardness arises from them knowing of one's autism because of the fact that they may be bothered by it. Their awkward feelings on the subject do show in everyday conversation, and mostly when they ask you to do something. When it comes to how to treat people, I've noticed a considerable difference between people who know you're autistic and people who don't know you're autistic.
Therefore, I try to look for the right time when I think that awkwardness will not appear.

Of course, knowing how people will react after telling them is nearly impossible for me, so I mostly just don't tell anyone.

I must have been very lucky judging by the replies, since people have largely been good about my telling them:

My boss - She knew a bit about it because there was a query over her son having it. She burst in to tears when I told her and apologised 'for not meeting the needs of her worker' and ever since she's been great about giving clear instructions, giving notice of change, giving me space to work in if things are overwhelming.

My friend - She already knew a bit about it because of a friend's son. She's not treated me any differently since finding out, which is great.

My coach - She said that if there's anything she can do to help during the classes I just have to ask.

I've had one negative experience with an ex friend, but you can't win 'em all!

I've really only told four friends. The first, I kinda just awkwardly told over the phone, but we're really close friends so she wasn't surprised at all. It was also like 7 AM on a Saturday morning so I don't think it sunk in. The second, I didn't tell the name, just the symptoms. She wasn't that curious, we dropped the subject. The third actually managed to guess it, and the fourth I told because the third knew and we were all in fairly close quarters, so it was simpler than hiding it.

I have been very slow on coming out and telling people. When I had a meltdown in training, I told my Chaplain (religious support person bound by oath of confidentiality), and he seemed pretty good about it. I also figured I could vent because there was no way he could tell anyone.

I told my family because they've known me since well, I was born. For most of them they had this moment where the light bulb went ff in their head and it made them pretty much go "Aha!"

And then lastly, I told my best friend of the last 17 years. Since she's known me for years and because she has a degree in psychiatry/sociology she already knew I had it.

Overall the response has been good. I still don't want to tell my boss though. He's a NT who has a horrible habit of running off at the mouth and doesn't mind making me the brunt of his jokes much of the time. I think the last thing i want to do is give him even more ammo to make fun of me at work with.

Randy

Years ago I used to be terrfiied and embaressed about people finding out, but now i tell friends, but not casual aquaintances or co workers.

"She burst in to tears when I told her and apologised 'for not meeting the needs of her worker' "

oh god, that sounds awful, i would prefer a cold boss who didnt care than one who fussed like that.

Ah, but she was mainly just upset because she'd been getting cross with me and having a go at me for something, and she then realised that it wasn't my fault, so she felt bad for having a go at me.
She's really nice actually. She changed her working slightly to accommodate me, but apart from that she just treats me the same. She also 'fire fights' for me, meaning that when people complain about things to do with me that are actually down to the AS, she tells them that they have to be nice to me, so I don't have to deal with other people being bitchy.

I'll just casually mention I have it usually, if they ask what it is, I'll say it's a form of autism which Bill Gates has

With the good comes the bad. If you get just one, either you're too lucky, or something's wrong.

I go by a "need to know" basis. Mainly because I hate having to explain it

Honestly, I only tell people after I've spent a bit of time with them or unless the topic comes up. If Autism comes up in conversation, like if I'm talking with a psych major, I'll say "As someone with Asperger's I think...." and go on with my opinion. Or if someone asks about a quirk I have that's related to being an Aspie, then I tell them. Usually I just end up telling them straight and they're like "Omg, no way! I couldn't tell at all!" I swear that I'm a stealth Aspie or something. ^_^

i set a fire and scream until people just figure that I am, due to the fact they probably wouldnt take the time to look into it anyway

I drop little poems I write about it in their pockets.

TOTALLY in agreement there - I didn't get a diagnosis for any other reasons than to have an official document to back me up should I need help with certain things e.g. in college or at work, and to start getting help and advice from other aspies and therapists - in short, it was for the purpose of improving my life that I got assessed, and not for anything else. Good on you for standing your ground and not getting pushed around by someone too worried about what people think.

As for how I tell people - well, I told all my close friends immediately and they've been open-minded enough to be friends with me all this time anyways so telling them I'd been diagnosed with this was great- they actually congratulated me on finding the answer to so many problems and odd things about my life, and the only difference in their treatment of me is that they take my vulnerabilities into consideration e.g. sensory issues. My siblings were fine with it, my parents not at all though but they're just old-fashioned. I wouldn't tell a boss unless really necessary, because there's no point taking the risk when we never know how anyone will react in spite of disability laws!