What is your most common social mistake?

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no Im not planning on being brutally honest with you, we can live a blissful lie

Hooray!! !

It might sound like I'm being a bit superior up there, but I'm calling it my mistake, because I'm failing to take in the different modes and levels of being in those around me.

It seems like everyone has a different threshold of honesty they can handle. Also different kinds of emotional triggers, different areas and levels of ego investment. Like if I say to someone with a gucci handbag that they have a horrible bag, it might pique her ego, but if I say it to a bin man removing bin bags, he's likely to agree.

If someone says to me, "sometimes you talk too loud", I don't see that as a criticism of me, because I don't see what I do as a fixed part of what I am. I see it as a criticism of one aspect of my behaviour, and I can then judge for myself whether it's valid, and maybe change it.

Putting something brutally or politically is really a matter of choice, one might work better for some things. Sometimes a short sharp shock is a good thing. Sometimes a gentle word is more effective.

Anyway, ramble over.

One of my big mistakes is being a total control freak when it comes to my special interests and discussing them.

I have difficulty maintaining small talk, as I often find it a waste of time. I really can't handle superficial fluff talk and it's just easier to stay silent. I also mistake people's "interest" in what I am saying and can go on and on and on....I have talking bursts where I can talk non stop for 5 minutes without seeming to breathe and then just go silent. I find I get obsessive over whether people are listening to what I am saying and if I feel like no one is listening I'll just abruptly stop talking and wait to see if anyone notices that I was talking at all. Sometimes no one even notices, which makes me very angry and then I just won't talk unless I have to.

I have trouble smiling and being natural as I'm paranoid about appearing to be fake, but can't find a balance between being "friendly" which requires smiling and being phony. I don't have a natural smile that I am comfortable with, I always feel like there is something wrong with my teeth so I shouldn't show them (even though I know my teeth are fine). I find that when I am in groups and people are smiling or laughing at jokes that I should smile and laugh too, even though I don't want to. But sometimes I just can't be bothered and keep a straight face, which I know is a mistake.

I also tend to have a frown for my relaxed normal facial expression. I have had so many jobs where I'll be immersed in my work and then someone will come and talk to me and ask me what is wrong. I feel like I should just plaster on a contented expression all the time, but it's too tiring.

I have an awful difficulty with saying good bye to people. I wish it was easy, and you just wave good bye and leave. But everyone seems to have a different ritual about how to say good bye and often times it's extremely drawn out. Some people kiss on one cheek (but I never know which cheek to start with) or some people need two or three cheeks. I always end up picking the wrong side and practically end up kissing peoples lips by accident! Some people need to hug. I often mistake someone who wants a hug for someone who wants a kiss, and so randomly kiss someone when they are trying to hug me or the other way around. It's so embarrassing!

Seconded.

My other main social mistake is talking too loud, almost always when I shouldn't.

lol you will have to put 'sounding superior' as one of your social mistakes lol. I know what you mean though, Im always offending people with my opinions.

If I ever score a second date with you we can tell each other objective critique and see who cries first

Lots of these definitely apply to me. Small talk is always difficult, I feel like I can do this for about 5 minutes and then I just run out of steam to keep a conversation about nothing going. I am also pretty 'figidty' when I'm talking to someone I always end up finding myself playing with my keys or something when someone is talking to me. I don't really realize it until I think 'Oh crap! I have no idea what this person has been saying to me!'.

I think another of my most common social mistakes is trying (and failing) to make jokes.. it is one of the ways I try to stay involved in conversations. I always seem to screw up the timing with jokes though, usually people look at me strangely because the joke I have to tell isn't quite in sync with the conversation... like a minute late or something. I just say something I think is funny and everyone just kind of looks at me funny because they had already moved on to a new topic. Other times when I actually get the timing right nobody thinks my joke are funny (but they are!). Sometimes I just try to resist the urge to tell a joke altogether and just end up laughing to myself. Either everyone has a terrible sense of humour or I am just bad at jokes... its probably everyone else though and not me!

Other than that talking to softly is my other big mistake, I end up mumbling something and then someone will tell me to speak up and the whole conversation stops. By that point I don't even want to repeat myself because I feel like a i just derailed the entire conversation. I think the louder things get the softer I want to talk.

I'm not sure if this is classed as social nor a mistake, but I always get confused when it comes to giving way to people. I don't mean in the car. I mean things like holding doors open for people, letting people through the door first, letting people step onto the bus first, ect. When there's a few other people besides me waiting at the bus stop, and I'm standing right in line with the bus doors, I never know whether to step aside and let others on for politeness, or to just get on. Sometimes I wonder if I'm already right at the front that it'd be wasting time to step to the side and let the others on first. Sometimes I just like to get on, especially if it's freezing cold or raining. But if there was somebody else who was the first one to get on and didn't let me or other people on first, it wouldn't bother me. So it can't be that bad. But I just get afraid to look rude.

being inside your head and thinking of the best thing to say. Most people that are socially confident are present. hope that helps

If a conversation has more than one other person in it, I just lose track of everything and It quickly becomes a conversation with me on the outside looking in. I also instinctively avoid eye contact like the black plague.

yes, conversations with more than one person are very difficult indeed. What I find really annoying is that it seems like everyone is interrupting everyone else, speaking loudly and forcefully and it becomes this huge competition. If you can't speak super articulately, loudly, and be very interesting or funny it seems like no one is willing to listen. I often feel like I have things to say but don't want to be rude and interrupt someone but by the time there is a lull in the conversation, the topic has changed so I don't ever get a chance to talk and when I do, I often get cut off rather quickly.

I'm very open about things like my anxiety, my psychiatric history, and my emotional state in general, to the point where I think I can make people uncomfortable. I've also had a history of spending so much time talking about myself, my views, and my feelings that it bores people to tears.

Recently I have noticed that I dont show many emotions. I dont remember how long I have been like this but I think I have started noticing it as I have started interacting with more people through my work.
I remember when I was about 12years old playing a card game with my family and they said that I would be good at playing poker because my face never gave away what cards I was holding. Then at my last review at work one of the bosses said "how do you think the year has gone?" and I said "great!" and they looked astonished and said "oh thats good to hear because we can never tell whether you are happy or not and we assumed you were not happy". I can be ecstatic but have a straight face alternatively I can be sad or depressed or angry but my face will stay straight (I dont think I know how to scowl) so outwardly maybe only my tone of voice or the amount of words I say will show what mood Im in. Realising that I dont show emotions like NTs do has made me realise that they havent got a clue what Im thinking and so maybe I should try harder to show they in ways they can understand..

Also on my expression of emotions, I can laugh at a joke but I also find myself laughing or grinning at other times when I think people may have said something which was sarcasm or I think they are trying to make me smile but then I find out they werent when they say "what are you laughing or smiling at?" This has been very embarrassing at work.

I have also realised that I get tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat at any sort of serious conversation whether its sad or just serious like when my boss said how are you finding your current project and I try to answer that I have made good progress . I fear the lumping my throat makes it sound like Im upset but Im not Im just trying to be serious.

The other thing I have noticed is that I dont say ouch when I hurt myself or make any other exclamations for example when I drop a plate in the kitchen or trip over something. Although recently I dont know how it started but I have started saying "ouch", not in reaction to the pain but because I felt pain and thats what people say when they feel pain ie my reaction is delayed because I have to think what reaction I need to have. I have also started saying, but not exclaiming, whoops if I drop something. I dont know why I started saying these things but I think they may make me blend in with NTs at work. So now instead of me cutting my finger and just staring at it or saying "may i have a plaster i appear to have cut my finger", I try to say "ouch! ive cut my finger" people seem to react better to the latter statement.

My biggest mistake is talking too much, and running off on a disinteresting monologue without realizing I'm boring people, or talking too little, and giving people the impression that I'm snobby, I don't like them or I'm uncomfortable with whatever they're doing.

I don't make a fool of myself with every social encounter. I'm pretty well behaved nowadays. It takes practice and preparation. If I'm caught off guard or if I'm tired or sick or stressed out, I'll still flub it up.

Sometimes, I get tired of having to live up to people's expectations and never being good enough. You can be successful in 9 out of 10 encounters but if you mess up that tenth one, they'll suddenly think bad of you. I hate that. It makes me value my true friends more because they love me just as I am.

Trying to figure out who is a friend and who isn't. Who should I greet if I see and who should I walk by and look straight ahead.

It's a toss up between:

- As someone else mentioned, using lame jokes or quipping sarcasm (oddly for an Aspie, I do sarcasm very well. We all have our quirks) to spice up conversation. I don't really think it's a mistake, because I'm pretty good at judging when it's appropriate. Although for those that don't know me or aren't used to my personality, it can be a bit confrontational. It's a good coping technique, because there's many times where I actually don't have a clue what to say otherwise - I can't carry a conversation without it unless it's something factual and not just generally shooting the breeze. But most people who aren't stupid (i.e. my friends) think my covering-up-my-cluelessness-jokes are funny anyway (I hope...).

- My tone of voice is sometimes off-base. Making it sound like I'm snapping at someone, when it's not intended that way in the slightest. That's a rarity nowadays though, but it's probably the worst one so I'll count it because it's not something I can be conscious of for some reason so I have no idea when or why it's going to occur so I can't catch it in advance.

- Recognising who is really a friend and who isn't. This has screwed me over greatly recently, and I've blamed myself the entire way through life so far for thinking that specific people were actually my friends. I get so mad that I can't see these people's true intentions until it's too late and it's completely destroyed any confidence I had in my abilities.

- (Slightly related to the previous point) Not being open enough about how I'm feeling. Admittedly, if I'm in the zone where someone has done something epically stupid or something has finally driven me to the breaking point, I'll let fly about it (there's a few discourses where I'm known for my "telling it like it is" and overall bluntness). But I seem to have only two modes to the outside observer: poker face and happy (kind of). I need to find a way to strike a balance between my current state of (external) emotional nonchalance and being fully "up in your jammy" about how I'm feeling about something. This is good for two reasons, it makes me appear more approachable to the other party because I'll appear to be more normal. It'll also mean that I have an outlet for both my positive and negative emotions, meaning I hopefully won't get so bottled up, anxious, depressed etc, thus stopping the vicious cycle that has been my emotions of late.