Do we really need friends?

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"NO" these so called "friends" * exasperated my severe co morbid conditions now that I'm a nearly l well packaged aspie I realize what a fool I was the only friend I need are my pets surely no human can offer you more than a loved and cherished pet ?

I lost 2 bird pets recently to which I suspect aflotoxins in nuts they where getting on so I don't fret on it , having said that I balled my eyes out for 3-4 days.

Seriously forget teaching ASD kids social skills etc teach them much of the worlds people are @ and only in it for themselves, to reinforce that fact above every childs bed shall be a oversized picture of Maggie Thatcher with her wise words :

"their is no such things as society only individuals.""

That should scare children in to submission!

Nobody cares , accept it and move on .....

* family I've found are little better....

I feel you on that one.
The male friends shunned me because of certain things I would not do or could not be interested in.
The female friends either called me cold because I did not want to talk or be around a lot or they wanted to date me.
The male friend who understood and accepted me died earlier this year and he was my cousin.
And a female friend who lost her husband about a month before my cousin died is trying to date me and will not take no for an answer because I helped her out with bills and practical stuff till she got stable.
So I have to end it because she is like we either have to be together or else.

I'm so tired... of interacting with people. Even after you have explained your condition it is like they still will not give you space. Like the atheist vs religion stuff normal folks and schizo/aspies/isolated folks seem to be mutually exclusive from the people I have known.

I think most people in general, aspie or not, long for at least some kind of social contact. Online can help, but nothing can replace in-person. Many aspies including myself, when we long for friendships, we want that group of friends that we can always hang out with like a clique. The ones we can trust and share all of our personal secrets and such. Real life, we have to realize that there are some people who don't really care for this actually, This took me a long time to realize. There are those who are flaky, undependable, and extremely social. I don't envy social butterflies anymore. Most of them if not all of them don't have many if any close friends. Or the friends that are close to them are probably more unstable. Those people tend to be too inconsiderate for us. They are not necessarily people to hate, but I tend to stay away from most of those people unless they can actually take the time to spend more of a 1-1 with me. It has happened with me, but it's much rarer.

Another thing personally that held me up before was that my family would focus on mainly the negatives or would give me bad advice for social situations, but then expected me to have self-confidence. I was able to gain more self-confidence when I finally realized that I am not always the one making mistakes in social situations, and that sometimes I need to walk away or stand up more on my own terms. Just keep looking, don't give up, keep your composure, and don't let people walk all over you. Easier said than done, but I hope this helps people. I know that many people may not face the same kind of obstacles I've faced at all, but I still hope this helps others.

i never talk in terms of "we" because all i know pertains to me.
i will reply solely from my own perspective, and i do not represent anyone else.

i do not know exactly what a "friend" is. i have a reasonable idea, but i am not sure.
"friendship" seems to me to be a "relaxed familiarity with another person", and an eagerness to communicate with them.

there are varying degrees of familiarity that i "feel".

on my spectrum of "familiarity", there is at the bottom of functionality "acquaintances". "acquaintances" are people i have encountered and interacted with previously. i can loosely predict how they will behave so they are not complete strangers to me.

if i get to know someone better because i can more easily communicate with them, then i will think of them as "friends" because i like talking to them.

in my heart of hearts (which is in fact a battery), i do not need to be in the company of anyone else to feel completely content.

i do like people but i do not need to be with them. i like to talk to them and then go home without them.

I concur

I only wonder if I should have friends when I'm lonely. I get lonely a few weeks out of the year.
Of course that excludes the adult desires which I seem to have plenty of...

The only people I can associate with are people who don't get upset, are not insistent on being right without proof, never keep score in fights or favors, don't shove things in my face, and drive me to the store. Basically all of the traits of a good pet, but with the extra reasoning skills and driving skills. I train people to be good friends if I am forced to be around them. Here's how I do it:

If someone teases you a lot, always respond with an over-exaggerated look as "I'm not impressed" but not angry or unhappy. Research what they are easily embarrassed by and tease them immediately whenever they tease you. Make sure to keep teasing until they call you on it. Finally, give them the ultimatum "If you stop doing x, I'll stop doing y." Eventually after a few months, all of their teasing stops.

Whenever you criticize someone make sure to say "everyone else does this" or "it's weird when people do this" instead of using direct accusations. Make sure to wait a while after it happens, maybe a few hours to a day. This helps stop the person from being as upset by your statements. Some more dense people need to be told exactly the situation that happened.

When you notice someone making hints a lot, be sure to immediately tell them that it is offensive. It may be difficult, and you may need to rehearse it a bit. After a few months of this training, the person will be a lot more vocal about what they want around you. Some people are too used to the game of hint dropping to respond to this and are impossible to train, often getting offended that you are naturally unable to notice their hints.

Lastly, make it difficult for the person to get your attention. If you hate being disturbed all the time while you are not interested in socializing, you have to do this. I made a long path of poorly stacked junk to my door, this helps deter the over-curious visitor. Many people often use the headphones listening to music, when they are interrupted they act startled or respond as if rudely interrupted.


I think my dad has aspergers and it worked on him, so it may work best on people with aspergers. I'm still training him how to look where he walks and check for people ahead of him.

Touch Down!

I would love to have more friends, but it's so exhausting. I know some people are looking for something from me, but what I don't know. I don't want to make a pest of myself, but I don't want to be completely aloof either. So I end up in a constant anxiety ridden WTF mode. Can't seem to be a happy hermit either...

Just cause you have "friends" doesn't mean they'll help you out in emergency situations. I've had some friends for over 5 yrs. who I now consider acquaintances because when I was facing homelessness noone did a thing. You have to learn to stand on your own. It's hard to depend on others. Friends are nice but acquaintances take up less energy. The only reason I would want a real friend is to have someone to help out myself. You know being the change I want to see in the world.

Real friends are nice...people posing as friends to use/manipulate or cause some other sort of harm, really kind of suck.

I haven't a single friend at the moment, yet I'm fine. Sometimes, I would like to have one friend, but that is probably because it has been a long time and I don't really know what would happen. I also find that friends are very complicated to keep, but even more complicated to get. I don't know how I would manage a friendship at the moment. I have a sort of desire for exclusivity which is not a sound basis for a relationship. It has been at least three years since I have had a real friend whom I saw relatively frequently in real life.

If you believe in evolution:

Humans are descended from primates. Primates are a highly social species.

If you believe in creationism

G-d created Eve for Adam to have companionship.


I think that real friends serve a plethora of tangible and non-tangible benefits.

Go try without them.

We need friends, because they can support you and give advice. Having friends is exhausting though.

My husband made plans for us to hang out with some friends tonight. I'm kind of dreading it. I'm depressed anyway, and now I have to deal with socializing...

Some people don't but even when I have a boyfriend if I don't have other friends I feel a very deep sense of emptiness. For me, as much as I enjoy my own interests, having someone to relate to and laugh with and who gets me without any romantic undertones is a truly great gift.