Trouble talking

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Wow! Until now, I thought that I was the only one who had such problems conversing. I wouldn't wish such frustration on anyone, but it is good to know that I am not alone.

Yeah, I have similar problems too, I don't talk unless I'm pretty sure I won't interrupt anyone, which makes me silent most of the time.

Finding new topics is another problem, I used to wait for the other person to come up with a topic, until recently, I'm now trying to learn how to start conversations, I usually look around for something interesting, talk about something happened to me the day before, or try to remember the things that person and I talked about before, this one is a bit difficult for me as I have poor memory, I try as hard as I can.

I also happened to realize that I used to lower my voice so much while talking, making it difficult for the others to understand, not any more now.

Another problem: Coming up with correct, related sentences is a bit difficult, so I usually think of the sentences in my head, and then say them.

I hate dealing with the telephone. And answering machines. Ick.

I prefer email. A lot. To the point that a lot of coworkers just started emailing me instead of bothering me with stupid phone calls or stopping by my desk and interrupting whatever I was doing.

I've had trouble at work in the past because I'm focused on something and someone comes by and asks something and while I'm refocusing, they claim that I look really mad, or like they asked something stupid. (Well, a lot of times it was a really stupid question - but that's beside the point). But so I would get in trouble for my facial expressions! Ugh. Never mind that I would answer them, and go out of my way to help them learn how to do it and everything...

I can only carry on a conversation if it is about a particular subject. I'm notoriously known for getting into debates (because these are one-subject matters). I have great difficulty in everyday speech (like Good morning, How are You?, etc.). No body really likes being around me much because I don't say much. I usually sit someplace and quietly observe other people talking...

If I'm talking to a person and they've ostricised me at any point during my Past, I can feel my Vocal Chords tighten up and I barely get my words out.

[quote="Bobcat"]I could print this thread, frame it, and put it on my wall so anyone visiting me could read what it's like......

Think I might take your advice and compile some quotes to help explain my predicament to others. I've very recently ventured onto this site. While understanding that I was not at ease with small talk, I was unaware of the other social impediments I suffer from. A number of girlfriends have previously joked, but recently a very close friend called me an Aspie - and I accused him of having Marfen's syndrome (Marfi) as he resembles an anorexic bean pole who has been on the rack.

After reading through many of your post I felt rather emotional and ultimately relieved that others experience similar feelings in social situations. Most of my friends can be very sociable, mostly due to the nature of their jobs, but admit that it is an effort. However, I have not opened up to them how much of an effort it is for me to talk to them sometimes, especially in a one-to-one, let alone the terror of more intimidating social occasion (conference dinners etc). Thanks to you I might tackle my problem with them as I am terrified that one day they might have enough of my peculiarities - perhaps if they understood more.........Or perhaps not? Has anyone been though a similar situation? How did your friends react?

Although I question whether an AS label helps an individual, in fact I do fear that it may be detrimental? If I am AS, I think I must be a mild case and have passed unnoticed (or if noticed, no-one mentioned) until now. Should I continue as normal or act? Any advice welcome.

When I was a young teen I did manage to develop a very close friendship with a boy my age who was subsequently diagnosed with AS in his 20's. Our telephone conversations were weird - we would go through an almost ritual beginning to each conversation, but eventually we'd end up with these incredibly long silences. After maybe two minutes of dead time one would ask "are you still there?", the other would reply, and the conversation would pick right up and run on for a spell before winding down to another long pause.

YES! This is exactly what I'm like. I'm horrible at starting conversations in general, and can't keep one going when I'm not talking on and on about my specific interests (politics, sports, music, cats). Often I find myself just listening to the other person and remaining silent, or making a clumsy attempt at commenting on the what person is saying, often sneaking in something that has to do with my interests and little to do with the actual conversation.

I can relate to each and every one of you. I have great difficulty talking to anyone unless it's a specific subject. I just can't chat like most NT's do. I, also, have tried from time to time to be involved in conversations with other people, but; like many of you, I'm largely ignored. Another trait I notice is, when I do happen to get into a conversation with others, I'm interrupted at every turn.

I get interrupted during conversations all the time! Rrrrrrgh I hate it.

It drives me crazy when I'm interrupted, but I never really complain about. I'm extremely passive except when I'm with family.

I don't like to be interrupted either. My mum actually does it to me on purpose! She does it to help me, though. Usually when she interrupts me it is to say 'stop talking at me' or 'back and forth'. I think people have to interrupt me because I have problems with conversation. I tend to start lecturing and the poor other people can't get a word in. I think I am improving at reciprocating conversation.

It depends. I only ever had one really close friend during my entire early life (til age 22, I guess). We met in grade 8. Later on as an adult he was diagnosed as having an autism-spectrum disorder but I don't know if it's AS or not. In any case we were pretty much the same where socialization is concerned. It was nice to talk to someone who didn't make a fuss about eye contact or long pauses in the conversation and who shared my hatred of all things athletic. It was also a huge relief to not feel so alone. Our conversations were pretty dysfunctional but we cherished them anyway. Sometimes I would go to his house after school and we would both just sit there and not say anything at all for a long time. The problem with discussing complex systems is that they are pretty boring if you're not interested in that system. My friend and I had a few common interests that we could discuss at length, but sometimes we'd be going in opposite directions and end up having a tug-of-war over the conversation because we'd both be obsessing over our unique interests that day.

i cant stand current events i just wanna have deep conversations with people(not in a group setting) but i cant do that with people i just met. thats my big problem
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My mom interrupts me all the time too, but she has no idea she's doing it. I'm always watching myself and I've never been one to get into long-winded one-way conversations with people. I might just bring up a subject during dinner, and suddenly my mom will start talking about a totally unrelated subject. My dad is really the only one that notices this, so whenever it happens we just look at each other and burst out laughing

I love my mom though. She just doesn't really get me sometimes.

When I try to have a conversation with people, my mind just shuts down and I can't think of a single thing to say. So I'm sitting there desperately trying to come up with something and just blurt out the first thing I can come up with. This is usually slightly on topic, but off enough that people just look at me funny and it kills the conversation.