"But you don't /seem/ like you have aperger's..."

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I get this from people when I tell them (though it only a few people that I trust that I will tell). I can mask it very well when I need to, but need to have a breathing space and get away form people on a regular basis to recharge. Though most people I know think I am a bit weird anyway, and I do my best to fulfil their observations, perpetuate the assumption, and then go back to my quiet little life when they not around.

The few people that I've known for a long time will consider this for a minute before saying something like 'It does make sense' and then continuing on like usual, which I find reassuring as they not trying to fix me or treat me any differently.

I amazingly haven't ever had this happen, even though I've always been social and had friends (although I am learning just how vastly differently I process social encounters). I was very lucky with how my brain was wired, and I manage to give off the impression of being "eccentric" or "a genius" (although I am not, as my overall IQ is 140) instead of "awkward" or "creepy". It's because I am attractive and generally a happy, friendly person. I'm still obviously different from others, so people I tell never really seem skeptical.

I get this from my friends too, and they either don't get how seriously it impacts me, or they just don't seem to believe it. I don't see what's so hard to get about it- peoples' brains are wired differently, and if you get bad wiring, you just can't do what others can.

I've gotten that a few times. The first time I heard it, it made me so mad.

Someone stopped being friends with me when I was diagnosed...he was studying to be a teacher and he actually YELLED at me saying I didn't have it because I make some eye contact and I don't show "deviant" behavior and his mom works with autistic kids and I'm JUST NOT LIKE THAT.

This was the same kid who told me I couldn't get a job because I have "too much baggage".

but yeah I get that also from a lot of psychs who don't see AS very often...someone actually told me I may have had it when I was younger but I no longer fit the criteria. Not to mention I'm FEMALE. Depending on who I'm seeing my diagnosis seems to either be AS or Borderline Personality Disorder. >.<

People have told me that they can't tell, however they say I have a calm expression on my face all the time even when I am panicking or upset.

When I am really tired it is a different story, I stim like crazy, lose the affect in my voice and make absolutely no eye contact.
I guess when I am tired I don't care to make the effort any more.

"Friends" started yelling at me and calling me a sociopath because of some things I was doing wrong. I've spent a year researching and figuring out I most likely have Asperger's, and that it was my attempting to associate with a certain group of people that was brining out all of the negative traits. I've read a lot (I cannot tout The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships enough), and things make more sense about how I was behaving and how to not do that again. I'm not seeking a professional diagnosis, because it has only seriously negatively impacted my life when trying to associate within this one social group, and their rejecting me outright along with all the learning I've done since has more or less stopped that negative behavior in its tracks.

All that being said, and in relation to the original post, I found that attempting to tell those same people my findings has only led to similar quotes of, "You're just trying to hide your true nature and coming up with excuses to justify your actions." So, I've learned that people would rather believe I am a bona fide, evil, manipulative, psycho-sociopath than to believe I just have a little mis-wiring that needs some swift kicks in the butt to get me back on track, and to stop putting on too-fake of a persona that's causing problems and just be myself. They would rather believe that I am permanently damaged and steer far clear of me than believe that I'm just different and might require a little bit of patience and understanding. They would rather believe that I am intentionally trying to hurt them or steal their boyfriends from them or any number of other things than to believe I'm just a social dolt that has said things I shouldn't have said without thinking. "You're smart. You should have known better." How do I respond to that when I agree with it? I am smart, and I should have known better, but that pathway hadn't been built yet. I don't know how to explain that to someone that doesn't think like me. I can do calculus in my head, but I can't tell you why I'm upset without pissing everybody off and getting booted out of a social clique.

The most valuable lesson I've learned is how to be myself and wait for people to decide to be my friend rather than trying to be someone else and make myself fit into their world. If they can't understand my world, then I need to make the wiser choice and accept that I probably don't need to associate with them else risk getting called a psychopath.

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(quotes below from <[url=http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2011/12/31/the-good-it-also-brought-me-growing-up-with-undiagnosed-autism/"]John Scott Holman[/url] - BTW, in case you're reading this, thank you John. Your words have helped me be able to accept myself quite a lot.)

"Albert Einstein said, 'Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.' "
"I was a stranger in a strange land, a fish out of water, convinced that if I could only reach the top of that tree I would finally be able to breathe."
"No matter what society labeled me... I was still me. I always had been and always would be."
"No diagnosis can deliver a person from the judgments of insecure and intolerant people."

I've heard this everytime (except for one person who happened to have autistic siblings) I've disclosed in the last 2 years. It's kind of upsetting, feels like I'm being undermined, but at the same time i guess it's a sort of victory. I guess.

I really do not hide my eccentricities at all, really I embrace them, and - in social situations especially - I try to live by what I call rule number 1: "Amuse yourself".

One instance last week was interesting. I was talking with two friends in lab (known them both for over 2 years now) while we were waiting for a solution to come to equilibrium and one of them mentioned Jenny Mccarthy and that thing where supposedly vaccinations with mercury in them cause autism. Before I could decide how to respond, another guy in lab (who I'd worked on the bench directly next to last semester - so I spent at least 10 hours a week right next to him) rolled his eyes and mentioned that he feels confident that autism is genetic, since it runs in his family and I said "Yeah, it's all over mine too." The conversation kind of continued and I felt like it was relevant to mention that I actually have a mild form of autism - I'm not secretive about it but not showy either. The vaccine guy was kinda quiet for a sec and then said, "No way, you seem totally normal" but the other guy said "I knew it! I was wondering, not to be weird but, I'd suspected it since last year." I was actually kind of happy to hear that from him since I've been met with nothing but doubt since I entered college. A bit later, vaccine guy asked me again, "Are you sure? There must have been a mistake...".

Ah well. I think I'm so disappointed because I really consider myself a success story and it sucks that I feel like I can't consider myself that since I'm now passable for an NT eccentric.

I've always been that way. I've been called the absentminded genius, and half alien/half robot. Everyone sees me as the really odd-but-fun chick, and when I was being myself before, I was sometimes lonely and wishing I was a part of the "IN" crowd, but more or less okay with my station. It was when I actively started donning a false identity that bad things started happening in my life, and it took a year for me to unravel it all and figure out what was so wrong with me that I would think pretending to be someone else was the right thing to do.

At least your lab friend isn't putting you down or calling you a liar, per se, but just in disbelief. Maybe this knowledge will help him rethink what it means to be on the spectrum, and maybe he'll go and look up Asperger's and do a little more research. Knowledge about the spectrum is what people really need more than anything in order to be more patient and understanding.