Aspergers: we just "grow up slower"?

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Me too, I'm 22 and find so many people the same age as me to act too 'grown up?'

I would have to disagree. Growing up slower, and yet we have our little narrow-focused interests? That doesn't seem right....

I'm a little too hyper sometimes, but I talk about things that no one else my age would talk about, like neurology [a special interest] etymology [other special interest] and color theory [what is wrong with me? I have three unrelated special interests].

I've always been much ahead of others mentally, particularly when i was a child. On the other side i noticed i'm at least 2-3 years behind normal persons when it comes to social skills and understanding of social situations.

"Mentally" in what sense?

But I do agree with the "2-3" years thing. It's the same for me, and a phenomenon I've noticed with a lot of Aspies.

It makes us look rude.

How do you put an age on social skills exactly? I didn't know everyone had the same set of social skills in each age range. I guess I am just having a difficult time seeing how one's social skills would be 2-3 years behind, as I did not know there where specific levels of social skills for every specific age group.

In everything that doesn't requires social skills and physical skills, like movement coordination and such things.
More or less NT have the same social skills as everyone from their same social environment.

For example most NTs give their first kiss at around a certain age. It's not something that involves just grabbing someone and kissing her/him, it requires a range of social skills (from both parts). When i kissed a girl i was almost 2 years out of that range, even though smart people in my social environment were out of it of about 1 year.

A lot changed for me early last year, and it was largely because I got lucky and met a friend in the hospital where I was sent for suicide-watch. He introduced me to some friends, and they introduced me to some friends, and so on, until I was socially adept enough to introduce myself to people. Before then I had maybe two or three real-life friends at most, and I was a nervous wreck with obvious self-esteem issues.

The biggest thing that changed within me was my fear. I used to be ruled by fear of rejection from others, and build my life around it. Even my parents weren't entirely sure why I was so miserable for basically all of my teenage years, and neither was I, but now I'm actually happy and more social than I've ever been. You have to simply thrust yourself into the situations that make you uncomfortable; unless you're risking being stabbed or something, there's no reason to be scared.

So do it! More people play with stuffed animals than admit it publicly, that's for sure.

I lol'd

I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately. First of all, I'm 18, so if you're only looking for stories from adults, sorry.

First of all, both people in my family and everyone at school likes to "baby" me for some reason. I guess I seem really innocent and childish, and having a prepubescent voice and being happy all of the time only adds to that. I don't have any close friends now, but last year at my old school I did, and when I would go to a couple parties and get a little bit drunk, people thought it was the most amazing thing ever and were really proud of me. Being this way made me quite popular, which I enjoyed, but I was kind of cut off from that when I moved to a new town.

Obviously, having AS means language and fine motor delays. I couldn't talk until I was 4, and couldn't tie my shoes until I was 13. I didn't learn social skills until after I was diagnosed with AS, and even then, it took me a couple years to get to the level of an NT. I don't know what I'll be like as an adult, only time will tell, but I don't see myself as being much different from what I am now.

Asperger's is basically lacking social awareness appropriate for your age, hence you are immature.

Actually I think its quite a bit more complex then that......and I don't think it has much to do with age. I don't think my social skills issues match up to a specific younger NT age so I think its more like I don't have social skills appropriate for a neurotypical, but I'm not one so whatever.

It's a give and take. The more you are in your own head, then the less you are open to the social stuff going on around you. Note - this is not the same as paying attention to the stuff going on around you. You may be paying attention to what's going on, but you may be constantly couching it inside of your own imaginations and expectations of how things should be rather than how they are.

Also, like Brillemeister mentioned, getting over any fears you may have of being involved more with people socially is a huge step. It isn't going to magically give you the right words to say so that people won't laugh at you or think the wrong ideas about you, but it will help you be more open and less defensive when receiving such criticism. Change happens when you let your defensive guard down and start to really figure out why an interaction didn't go how you thought it might. (And it's not always your fault - some people you really just don't need to associate with, but it's important to figure out the difference between making a social mistake and them just being jerks so that you can identify the differences in the future.)

Life feels about the same. I feel depressed, just like before. I don't really have a social life, just like before. It may actually be a little worse, since now that I have freedom, I am LESS interested in socializing; at high school we were forced to stay until all classes were over, and you weren't allowed to leave- you had to go to the lunch room, and you'd get your stupid five minute break in-between classes.

ONE major thing has changed: I have become aware of my Asperger's, and I feel more comfortable with who I am enough to openly talk about it to people (which sometimes backfires). I care less about what people think of me.

As for growing up... I was always very mature as a child, and was often called a smartbutt for the way I acted (of course this was unintentional). I still played with toys and stuffed animals until about 13 (I actually still have my stuffed animals at 20). If you're talking mentally, I felt a lot older when I was younger. Now that I'm 20, I feel/look a lot younger, but I still "think" and speak like like I'm older. Kind of confusing. I still have fears like that of a child, and I don't have a lot of independence. I do have quite a bit more, but I am FAR from being completely independent. If I were like that, I wouldn't socialize WHATSOEVER. I kind of fear that happening once I get into the working world and live on my own.

I know a 32 year old that acts like he's 17. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

I am 42, and I act like I am 22. Every weekend, around 5:30, I leave home and go to the nearest theater to watch a movie. Sometimes during the week, I play pool, usually alone, since I am not a good player.

I don't have friends, and my hobby is toy trains.

I wouldn't say that we are "growing up slower". Personally, I'm really mature for my age. I'm 18. Our brains are just wired differently, and we have to learn how to interact with others as we go along.

There's a reason I work at a summer camp... this is probably it.