about unattractive and unpopular nt women

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Frankly, I think me and the OP would make good friends. We're both as*holes, so maybe we can be as*holes together.

Forever Alone

I don't have any friends.

If someone else chooses to settle for the first person who is desperate just because they don't want to be alone, that's their business. I'm not going to judge them for that.

What I was saying is that I don't want that. If I couldn't find someone I could connect with, someone I had something in common with, I'd rather be alone. Especially since such an attitude is essentially saying "I don't really want you, but you're the best I can do." And I was speculating that these "plain, unpopular" girls he was asking about might feel somewhat the same. I did that much because the OP asked the question.

As far as I'm concerned, as long as someone limits themselves to people who willingly get involved with them, and does their best to be honest (as in, for example, not claiming to be 'available' if they're already married), anyone has a right to whatever standards - or lack of them - they choose. My opinion of those standards is nothing but one personal opinion. But that does not change the fact that certain things will affect your chances. There is a huge difference, for example, between "we have something in common, so I'm not going to get hung up on your looks", and "I think you're ugly, but I'm so desperate I'll take you anyway". The second isn't an attitude a lot of people - in my experience at least - are going to want to put up with. If there is someone out there who is willing to accept that, that's their business. But if you ask advice, you are going to get someone's opinion of what is going on; there's no way around that, and it isn't judging to offer such an opinion, especially since I noted this was simply my impression of what might be happening, not a definitive answer.

I've seen posts by guys on here who have essentially said they don't want to "settle" for anyone who isn't a spectacular beauty. I can't say I don't understand the wish - if I'd had a beautiful woman approach me, I wouldn't have run away just because she was beautiful. But I think the focus on looks is - at least for me - beside the point. If I were looking for a one night stand, sure, I'd simply find the hottest girl who'd have me, but if I'm going to spend much time with someone, there are other things that matter far more - at least to me. But a guy who wants to hold out for a supermodel has that right - but if he asks why he isn't getting dates with any supermodels, it's reasonable to point out that, unless he has looks or money or something to offer that might attract such a woman, who has tons of guys hitting on her and can pick and choose among them, then he isn't likely to. No one "owes" anyone else a date. Even if I'd consider the reason petty and stupid, I'd never be interested in dating anyone who wouldn't want to date me - in fact, if the reason they didn't want to was one I found petty and stupid, I'd be even less interested; if I found their reason to be an intelligent and thoughtful one, I'd be more likely to see if I could find some solution that would satisfy both of us. You don't have to agree with that, but it's how I work, and the type of advice I'm going to give.

Maybe you'll make some on here.

Read ya loud and clear.

me, you, both

It may be the truth, but tell me this... Would you feel all warm inside if a girl approached you and said "aww, you're so average?" Everybody wants to be loved and receive compliments. Surely you could say SOMETHING positive about them. Don't lie, but focus on the positive things about them. Get to know them. When you acknowledge that they're average, especially early on, you're just showing them the only reason you even bothered with them is BECAUSE they're average or ugly, which means you think they'll be easy.

I don't know about you, but if a girl came up to me and made it clear that she only came after me simply because she thought I'd be easy to acquire, I don't think I'd be very interested in her either.

Also, the difference between your situation and the situation Meg and Lisa are in is that the boys who go after them genuinely like them. Millhouse is absolutely infatuated with Lisa. Even though she might not be incredibly attractive or popular, HE thinks she's attractive and/or that there are more important things than physical appearance in the first place. Millhouse worships the ground that Lisa walks on. It ends up being somewhat pathetic when he continues trying after so many failed attempts, but at the same time, it has an adorable quality to it as well. I think Meg and Lisa should "settle" with Millhouse and... s**t, what's that kid's name? I haven't seen family guy in forever. Anyway... in a way it's better that they don't, simply because they'll never be happy with those two, and it will just end up breaking the boys' hearts, because they'll never be what meg and lisa really want; they'd always end up feeling not good enough or feeling like they have to emulate the behavior of someone else. And when you pretend to be someone else, it never results in anything good. It just creates stress and other problems. It stresses you out because you can't be who you are; it's a lot of work to keep that front going. And then when you finally get sick of the front, it's a huge letdown to the person for whom you'd been putting the front on. It will only end badly.

The girls are dumb for even wanting whoever it is they really want in the first place, for they'll never have that for the exact reason the boys will never have them either. Go for what you can get, but you still have to appreciate it, and for what it is and nothing more.

^^^
ralph ?

There's nothing wrong with "settling," but the fact that you see it as settling is sorta the problem. it means you don't really WANT to be with that person; That they are just a last resort. Nobody wants to be someone else's last resort, they want to be truly loved, wanted, desired... Or at least I sure as hell do. Telling someone they're your last resort is not truly loving them. If you "settle" and get to know the person, you might end up learning that you truly DO want that person. Who they are might cause you to "learn to love" what they look like. You will find things about them that attract you because you love who they are.

It's not so much that one needs to settle, it's that one needs to rethink his/her priorities and come up with more realistic goals. The problem is, everybody wants to live the fairytale life that all these years of stupid disney movies have made us believe are how real life is. Everybody wants a trophy wife that runs the whole house and acts as a sex slave for the man, or a husband who s**ts money and diamonds all day and could beat up a grizzly bear with his bare hands. The trouble is, those people are extremely rare, so a lot of people end up getting overlooked. And it's sorta funny because the ones getting overlooked are also overlooking the rest and holding out for the same fairytale crap.

Last edited by DerStadtschutz on 09 Oct 2012, 8:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No, not ralph... Mort Goldman's kid from Family guy. The nerdy jewish kid who's a member of the AV club. Seth Green does his voice.

Then again, Lisa should probably give Ralph a chance too.

I agree his a nice boy and seems happy enough she even said so when she thought she had the Simpsons "stupid" gene.

i doubt it.

AHA! His name is Neil. Neil Goldman. I just had an audio flashback of part of an episode where he takes meg's hat or something, and she yells out. "Give it to me! Give it to me, Neil!" Then he pulls a tape recorder out of his pocket and plays her saying "give it to me neil" back to her.

You could take me for a spin, since I really do think of myself as a reject female. I am garbage, and if you don't throw me out I will be very grateful.