How do you make friends with men?

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aussieblok. i quoted him

Oh.

Erm because they share the same interests, because they share the same sense of humour, because they want to get advice from someone with a different gender perspective.

Meet guys that aren't desperate, and talk to them.

That is, no one from 15-25 who is straight and not in a relationship.

I find that while I tend to get along with guys a lot better, they tend to see me as intense emotionally. I try to watch having too many in-depth conversations about emotions or what I think or feel, just to keep the balance and prevent them from feeling overwhelmed. Most men tell me they are simple creatures, they just want to hang out, listen to music, watch movies, and just have fun.

I hate talking about my feelings, because when I open up I don't want them to be ignored or dismissed, which they are 99% of the time. It's horrible when someone keeps trying to make you open up. It makes me resent them and want to tell them to f*** off.

I don't think men are simple thinking creatures, but I think their wants are more simple. I understand what you meant though.

I'm emotionally intense too. To be honest, as long as people acknowledge that I'm upset, and that I have a right to be, that's enough for me. Nobody has to understand me. Surprisingly, there aren't that many people that can even acknowledge my feelings.

I think that most of the time men befriend women if they think they are 'doable'
whereas women would befriend men even if they think those men are not attractive enough to sleep with.

That's why when women try to be friends with men, they think women also fancy them in that way.
I've tried to talk to men a lot older than me and a lot younger because I thought they would be safe but they all think I have a thing for them. Even gay men sometimes.

So I kind of gave up on trying to make friends with men.
I wouldn't deny that it is possible for a straight men and women to become friends without romantic feeling from either side, but I believe it's very rare.

That - is - so - TRUE! It took me most of my life to realize why friendships with men always failed to work our or last any amount of time. It wasn't until I met my husband that I started to understand how all this works. I can remember being treated rudely or coldly in certain shops by male cashiers, and observing them being very helpful and polite to other women. Instead of doing their jobs correctly, they were only being helpful to the women they wouldn't mind sleeping with. And, I have had times when I felt friendly towards males but did not want to take it to another level. Then they would get upset because I wouldn't sleep with them. And yet when I started being more conservative with them, they accused me of being cold.



This!

If thats true theres an awful lot of guys who want to sleep with me
I have good conversations with them about Doctor Who and South Park, but really I don't think I'm "all that"!

Nice generalization Just because you have had bad experiences doesn't mean all those that are diagnosed fit into this negative description you have created. People with AS can be just as varied in mindset as anyone else.

I don't think that we can safely take it as a compliment. At first I thought that I should feel flattered, but I realize now that a lot of men out there will "settle" if the woman is rather plain looking, as long as she is even remotely bed-able. I realized this when I was watching movies with my guy and remarked that an actress was very plain. He said that he thought she was hot. After discussing it, I realized that what constituted "hot" to him meant "acceptable looking" to me. It is maybe some biological thing with men, in that if a woman is just passably decent looking, and is of childbearing age, she will do. It is certainly not very flattering.

I can't say thats the case on the online dating sites - even most of the 40 year olds seem to only want to speak to hot 20 year olds.

I dunno maybe I'm oblivious to these things but some of my male friendships go back nearly 20 years and I can honestly say I've never felt any sense in which I was being evaluated sexually by any of them.

As for the online dating sites, Maybe it is more fantasy for those men?

Btw, I think you are very fortunate to have friendships with males who are willing to keep it in the friend zone. I honestly think that men and women could have wonderful friendships if women could be viewed as people first, potential sexual partner second.

I guess to friend guys, to an extent when you talk to them you should try "being one of the guys". When you stay in your woman persona so to speak any interest they receive from you normally is misinterpreted as you being a girl liking a boy rather than you being a person liking another person as a friend.

You could also try talking to guys as a group rather than talking to guys on their own. When you talk to guys or one guy more than the other guys in a group their ego can swell or they get the wrong idea.

I am very fortunate to have these friends, in particular the guys at work have been really useful in letting me know when I've said something inappropriate and trying to speak up for me when I've inadvertently upset someone (usually a female co worker) with my aspie-isms.

I think its very useful to have friends of both genders - I'll rack my brains think if theres any more tips I can think of.

Another reason I don't particularly get on with women (of a certain age group though) is that they talk all the time about children. I can't think of a more boring subject. It doesn't help that I don't like children.

I don't mean that to be a put down on women, but children are as boring as football.