I still don't entirely ''get'' what empathy is

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Vectorspace
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08 May 2013, 9:56 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
I'll use my reactions as an example:
Say one of my friends is crying. Since I do have some social perception, I'll be able to tell that they're sad, or upset in some way.
That's cognitive empathy.
However, I won't feel sad myself.
That's (a lack of) affective empathy.
But I will feel concerned.
That's caring.
If I find out it's my fault they feel bad, I'll feel guilty.
That's conscience.

Very good description.

Joe90 wrote:
Oh, and when a woman has period pains, I literally get them too, because period pains is the worst pain I have ever had and can really empathise with another woman who is suffering with them. I also feel panicky for them if they are out and don't know where to go or what to do because of the pain being so bad. I often say, ''I bet you wish you was home now, laying on your bed'', and they're like, ''yes, I do.''

Hearing about someone else's pain affects me most, too, especially because I can't do anything about it, and I don't even know what it's like. I literally haven't felt any actual pain in years.



zer0netgain
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11 May 2013, 12:31 pm

Bazinga4 wrote:
I think empathy means being able to place yourself in someone elses shoes and see things from their point of view which is hard for some AS people to do.


Unless the person with AS has been in an identical or very similar situation themselves and can relate to the experience.

Caveat...presumes that the person with AS had a "normal" reaction to the situation rather than an atypical one.



katkore
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14 May 2013, 4:43 am

hummm... why do i not find any of the examples fitting? I mean, they do explain empathy, but only on a simple needs basis. People do not generally have simple feelings, or at least they don't seem to.

Let me bring a couple of examples:

- someone is going through a break up, they feel what they should feel and I know the feeling since I've been through a break up myself. I do what I think I would have wanted others to do with me and I get accused of being intrusive and lacking empathy and simpathy.

- a close someone like a grandfather passes away, I can appreciate why mom feels the way she does and why dad acts weirder then usual, I can understand that the whole family is living some very awful mass feeling which I don't feel. I get accused of being emotionless, feel awful for not feeling the right bad feeling, try to deliver my simpathy to the family and get accused of being selfish and intrusive.

- my bf is going through heavy working stress, I know how that kind of stress feels, I understand his attitude but any support i try to deliver is taken as innatural or wrong to the point of needing to be explained.

I view empathy in the 3 examples but something is going wrong somewhere which causes high discomfort and stress, not to speak of frustration and the fear to face any social situation needing to show either empathy or simpathy.

Any thoughts?