Lost a Friend Again

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My morale and thus immune system has been so low. Today I was rushed to the ER because I couldn't breathe, no oxygen was reaching my lungs after a 2 day fight with a severe asthma attack (1 day and 1 night to be more specific). It took several hours for them to get my breathing to normalize, had oxygen tubes and the sort. They have me on so many steroids.

They asked what do I think caused it. I feel a combination of weather, lots of family visiting to see my dying grandfather who is in the middle of our living room in end of life care, and the loss of my friend/mother figure have taken their toll on me. I've just emotionally feel like my lungs are reacting to the pain of all these things it just feels like too much, and I keep forgetting all the positive things I am learning in place of just sitting and experiencing and trying to let go of the sadness/mourning I feel whenever that will be.

If my (female) friend explained to me, why we couldn't be friends I'd learn to accept that, so long as we could clear up any misunderstandings and she told me what she doesn't want in her life (me).

If she decided to talk to me even one month from now, and explained to me what she was going through. I would bend over backwards in an attempt to understand. I would and still DO love her, no matter what she does, that's unconditional. She can be the WORST friend in the world (which I don't think she is at all), and I'd love her as much as I love the next person.

Now I think me and my PC friend are pretty much done. I have talked to him clearly about this, tried negotiations, those failed. He seems very bitter towards me and has come up with conclusions in his own world, that may work for him. But I at least gave it a fair shot, a fair fight a fair chance. I used my words very clearly and he used his words before I officially began doing what I never do and sent the emails where I will never see them when they come (just so years later I can maybe look back on it and read it). I don't think there is any going back there for me, but at least I both know why and have explained why. Anything else he wants to add to it is on him. That's what I expect/want from all people but I understand not everyone can be like that!

Anyway, my morale is extremely down just about life in general. I've thought about seeking in-patient care for the depression, my therapist sessions are going well though. Just today with the asthma and then the crying exacerbating it (as it came out of the blue, I suppress too much) was just too much. So that's me and how I'm doing.

It's so annoying because people do say they're busy and they'll hang out with you later when they have no intention of it just to be polite and they'll do it with the same intonation and everything, so it's hard to know if people are telling the truth and really want to be your friend or if they're just trying to be nice. Well, I hope she's really your friend and if not I hope you meet a better one soon.

I'm sorry. Sometimes life is hard.
I'm going to be gone for a few days. The Parkinson's meds my sister's husband takes caused him to have a psychotic break. I need to go be with her for a while.

Summer: you were welcome to send her present in the mail? Not likely I should hope. I would try to get my money back or donate the present to a homeless shelter. It is amazing how outrageous we people can be to each other.

I have read some of this long thread and I am left with the impression that you need personal boundaries. In how you will allow yourself to be treated, in what you can expect from friends and what they can reasonably expect from you. Hopefully this is something you can work on in therapy, so your future can consist of healthy relationships.