THINGS NT'S DO THAT JUST DON'T MAKE SENSE!

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You want NT's to "know" instinctively that you have no idea when you have said something offensive and have just hurt their feelings? And NT's are also supposed to not "assume" what you mean or assume how you feel by what your body language and facial expressions say even though that is exactly how our brains are wired? Sounds like you want NT's to cut you some slack in your lack of communication skills, but where are you cutting them a little slack in their communication skill deficits in regards to Aspies? Do these people you talk to even know you are Aspie? NT's are not mind readers and we can't just "change" certain ways we communicate with each other like body language and facial expressions (about how 90% or more of communication is done) UNLESS the NT knows you are Aspie and also knows something about AS. Communication falls on both parties involved.

I'm sorry, but I don't know what DNS means. I think people hang out with the boss or president, etc. to get promoted higher up in their job. I'm not going to deny that people use others to get ahead - it's called schmoozing or being a butt kisser, if you ask me. We have those kind of people at work too. Thing is that all those supposed "friendships" are fake. I can see those kind of people a mile away and I choose to stay away from them. Of course there's going to be people like that who use people to get ahead in life. Money and prestige just happens to be more important to those people than solid friendships and relationships.

Director of Nursing Services. I guess maybe they have that title only in nursing homes.

People tend to think that people "above them" are "contagious," and that hanging out with them will enable them to pick up their "disease."

I'm confused. Aspies want NT's to say what they mean and mean what they say, but when they say something positive that they "are interested in your work" you ask them multiple times if they really want to know about your work??? Wth. If I said something that I truly meant and someone kept asking me multiple times whether I meant what I said, it would just infuriate me and I eventually would say the opposite just to get them away from me.

All NT's don't lie and some will actually even say how they are thinking and feeling at that time. Sounds like you are doing the assuming about how certain NT's are thinking and feeling. Interesting.

Oh. I get you. I know them as "DON" Director of Nursing. Actually, the ones I know who hang out with the "higher ups" do get certain "perks". NT's know this and don't like it unless they are the ones kissing butt. I'd rather earn my way with my skills than being a lap dog.

Really, not all NT's fit every criteria for NT's.

Just like NT's frequently stereotype neurodiverse people; neurodiverse people sometimes stereotype NT's.

In regards to the first paragraph, I do that. The only place I do, though, is at work. At my new job there are several women that I don't like and they usually know it because I can't hide what I think about someone due to my facial expressions giving it away, but some NT's can do this very well - watch the show "Big Brother". I watch that show for the psychology and to see just how people really act. I'd like to think that some of the ways that people act would no longer surprise me, but some of the ways people treat others still surprises and amazes me. What I do at work is I try to keep a "civil" relationship going because in that job if something goes bad you need as much help as you can get and I don't want someone not helping me because I'm not "friendly" with them. Women are like that - if you act unfriendly with them they sure aren't going to help you when you have a problem and in the job I do the only one who will pay for it is the patient. Nursing requires a lot of team work. Your shift will be really hard if the one's involved have personalities that don't mesh. I do have certain people at work that I do have real friendships with, but it takes me time to figure out who these people are. This morning I just went to breakfast with two women at my new job and that I'm feeling like could be good friends. I'm taking a chance, of course. All friendships and relationships are about taking a chance and knowing you could get hurt at anytime.

The second paragraph, just recently I got backstabbed by two men that I considered to be my friends and one I told so much to that I considered him like a second father. The thing is - they were both Aspies. It happened at the other Aspie website I was on and once I was gone, they continued on with life like I never existed. I'm still hurt by what happened. The one that was like a father I would go to with everything that happened to me, both good and bad. He knew about my Ma, my job, my friends, my schooling. He helped me with one of my college classes and writing a term paper that I got an A on. We watched "Big Brother" together. It's going to take me a long time to get over what happened, if I ever really do. I'll never forget it. I still like Aspies and I have a wonderful Aspie friend that I have known for a year and half that I want in my life forever and other Aspies that I still communicate with outside of that Aspie site because I know all Aspies aren't the same - just like all NT's aren't the same.

When an NT smiles, its inviting the other person to come over and talk to them. A smile also tells that the person is trying to be friendly. My job has a "rule" that they want all of their employees to smile at everyone they encounter because they want the hospital to be seen as a friendly and helpful environment. No smile = stay away from me, I don't have time for you and you're not very important. NT's can tell when a person is just smiling to be cordial and when they are smiling because they are really wanting to be friendly. The smile has to include the eyes, as well. One has to be able to read facial expressions, but the eyes will tell if a smile is a "warm" or a "cold" smile. Cold smiles are fake smiles. I have done cold smiles when I'm trying to be polite and cordial, but I really need to be elsewhere and I'm in a hurry. If I don't smile at all, for me it means "don't even think about coming over here".

Here's something that may help Aspies because I know some of you don't talk or look at people unless there is something important to say - When I'm really pissed off at someone (happened at work this weekend actually), when they are talking to me I will not look at them or say anything unless it needs to be said and even then I'm am quite curt and cold with no smile and no eye contact. NT's hate the no talking stuff and the no eye contact - it makes them extremely uncomfortable. Aspies do this naturally and it may be the reason why friends are hard to make. Just a thought.

That thing about eyes not taking part in the smile boggles my mind. The sheer difficulty I find to understand it makes me wonder if I can actually smile, or my smiles are just some primal, reptilian reflex with no human meaning. I do know I feel horribly fake if I try to smile consciously, and, judging by what it looks like in the mirror or a picture, I'm dead sure others can see how fake it is from a mile away.

Silence feels weird for NT's around people that they don't feel comfortable with. With my close friends I can have long gaps of silence because we feel comfortable with each other and don't feel a need to keep talking. I think the reason for that is that we have already talked to each other about most everything and know pretty much everything about the other person. Me and my Ma are so close that when we are on the phone we have very long silences and are actually doing other things without saying anything. Just knowing the other one is right there is comforting I guess. Seems a little weird thinking about it now - having someone on the phone for over an hour and not saying much of anything since the phone is actually a source for talking only.

My friend Mary is one of those that can't be quiet for a few seconds. She can actually carry the conversation all by herself to the point that a few times I have put her on "mute" when I had to dry my hair. I'd listen to her every few minutes to make sure she didn't know I wasn't listening and she never knew anything was different. I do think that is rude and normally when I'm talking to someone I will give them my full attention, but when she calls me sometimes the conversations go for 5 hours or more and my phone battery even goes dead. Some people talk a lot because they are very anxious and have anxiety issues. Mary is one of those. I'll talk a lot (about nothing) after I've had a Red Bull.

NT's smile a lot when they are with people that make them happy or they are really happy to see someone. How do Aspies act when they are around someone they really like or are seeing someone that they haven't seen in a while?

Great post, I also have had many issues with these things. You also sound like someone who has worked in customer service, based on a few of those.

1) Not true. NT's that like their own personalities and have hobbies spend plenty of time by themselves. (I'm one) For me, being alone doesn't make me anxious if I'm in an environment (like home) that I am comfortable in. One thing that does make me anxious and depressed is being alone in life and not having anyone to be able to depend on and be there for when things aren't going well or even when they are.

2) Not true. It makes me angry when others take credit for something I have done.

3) Depends on the person. If I do something wrong, I'm the first to admit it and apologize. Lying only will bite you in the butt later. Why put off the inevitable.

4) Wrongo again. I love routines. I have a routine for getting ready for bed, for getting ready for work and even for brushing my teeth and drying my hair. I probably have a touch of OCD.

5) I don't understand what this one means.

6) If someone doesn't want to hear what I am saying, then get up and leave. I don't want someone in my personal space and using up my time that I will never get back if they are not interested being in my presence and in hearing what my thoughts are.

7) Wrong. I believe I have said it several times if I don't know what someone is meaning.

8.) Because the other person usually doesn't care in my own experience. I believe I have explained the "how are you?" in a previous post.

9) Because that is how our brains work. I also explained that in a previous post. If one also hides that they are an Aspie, we will think that you are a person who thinks the same way and can understand body language. It took me a while to understand from the other website when they said the "say what you mean and mean what you say". It doesn't come natural to NT's.

10) I explained this in a previous post, as well.

More to come, huh? Should be interesting.

You do see these sorts of characteristics in some NT's. And when I experience them, it can get irritating.

They're stereotypes--but they're based on some truth.

I base my impressions of people upon individual traits, rather than communal traits.

When people talk about their personal problem and don't want to hear things to worry about or be prepared for. They just want to hear that everything will be fine.

Also, how they have things to say during small talk/chit chat.

Oh brother. (Takes two aspirins with a really stiff drink)

1) I actually don't ever see that happening. I felt weird when I went back to college. I found that no one carried a conversation with another person. Most people had their face looking down constantly at some electronic device that was in their hand and most had ear buds. I, myself, will get on my phone immediately if I don't want anyone to approach me.

2) One interesting thing is that the whole time I was on the other Aspie site I never received an apology from any Aspie whenever they hurt my feelings. I took a lot of NT bashing on that site. One Aspie explained it to me that Aspies don't apologize if they don't think they are wrong. Who ever has a disagreement and thinks they are wrong? An apology, like I tried to explain to you in a PM is used for when "feelings" are hurt and therefore isn't logical when and NT needs to hear an apology. I don't know how else to explain it.

3) How are you expecting an NT to speak the same language as you when you speak Aspie? Isn't that the same as NT's expecting you to be able to understand your way of communicating? If you want to hang around people who are NT's, then make sure they know you are Aspie and know a little about AS or you will never be happy in the friendship/relationship. Just a thought.

4) Not quite understanding this one either. Wait, that could apply to my compulsive liar friend. But again, it depends on the person. Sounds like you're hanging around the wrong people.

5) Huh? In an argument, both parties think they are right, otherwise there wouldn't be an argument going on.

6) That one is true.

7) That depends on the person again and the way they think of themselves as being better than others who have a place in line ahead of them. What you may not be thinking about is that these people treat everyone in their life the same way - meaning that the other people could be NT or Aspie. Neurology doesn't matter.

8.) I would need an example of this to understand completely what you are meaning.

9) I've done this. Also though, I may think I know the answer, but whoever I am talking to may see the question totally differently and be able to give me a new perspective on how I'm looking at things. For me, it's a problem-solving technique.

10) This is true. Or I think the person is "unfeeling" because I think with my feelings instead of logic. I may not think this way if I knew that you were Aspie, but then I know some things about AS.

I have a question.....
If there was an NT site (maybe there is?), would you go there to try to understand how your NT friends think and why they act in a certain way? Or do you think that it is their place to adjust entirely to you? Just wondering.