When is it acceptable to "buy" friends?

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You know, I watched an anime along these lines called "My Little Monster" and the main guy did this. It ended up with him being exploited by so called "friends"... so no, I don't think its acceptable.

I know where you are coming from, but you have to ask yourself, is it worth being taken advantage of.

f**k that. If I'm going to buy something it'd be a hooker.

I bought all my friends from the pet store. Does that count?

I wish I could have pets.

Why can't you have pets?

Not allowed in my lease.

I think the inviting people over for dinner and a movie is how you bridge that gap from "church friend" or in my case "sports friend" or "mutual friend" to "friend friend." I don't think it counts as buying a friendship. I've slowly learned that a good guest will usually ask "what can/should I bring?" So they're reciprocating and it's not all on you (and eventually if they want to be friends should invite you back.

I also have trouble getting past the "friendly at X" zone to "friends in general" zone.

Also (though I am by no means any expert... my husband is amazing at this switch, I am terrible at it). I think the trick is to be somewhere in between 100% polished someone else and 100% yourself. I mean... I think you have to make this a gradual shift, not a big jump.

I was going to say this, I'm pretty sure everyone would put in all their effort in getting you to like them if they saw you in a Lamborghini Aventador in comparison to being in a beat up 1998 Toyato Corolla where they'd probably do the complete opposite and treat you like crap.

Absolutely.

Warning: Pragmatic Explanation Inbound.

There have been many hidden truths revealed to me over the course of my long life, and there's no doubt in my mind that I'll not discover at least a few more before I finally draw my last, terminal, breath.

One of life's greatest truths is this: No True Friendship is without cost.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you choose to look at it, there is only one universally accepted form of currency that can buy True Friendship, and that is Time.

Tangent begins.
Now time, might, be on Mick Jagger's side, but for the rest of us, it is most definitely is not. Steadily ticking away, time is a precious finite resource, that is slowly, but most assuredly, running out.

Time is the one resource we prize above all others, from the halcyon days of our youth, to the fleeting years of our dotage. Those that spend their time wisely, are both admired, and respected, their accomplishments, skills and talents widely celebrated and praised the world over. While those who foolishly squander their time are openly criticized, pitied, and rejected.

There are many different ways to spend our time, so many in fact, that we simply don't have enough time to do everything. Which is why "Time Management" is considered such an important skill to have.
Tangent ends.

Here's a short list of some well (others less) known methods used to trade time for friends.

Time Equals Money, Equals Time.
Most of the time when adults think about buying friendship, and haven't given the matter much thought, this is what they mean. It can best be explained using the simple formula below.

Spend time acquiring money. -> Trade money to buy friends. -> Enjoy their friendship. -> Bought friends have more money. -> More money equals less time spent acquiring money. -> Less time spent acquiring money equals more free time. -> Free time equals happiness.

Or as I like to phrase it: Time = Money = Time.

Why does this method have such a bad reputation?

Chances are almost nonexistent that at least one or two of the posters above me didn't outright say "NO!" to this method, they might have used more words, but the message would have most likely demonized it.

It's not that there's anything wrong with the act itself, it's just that the results tend to be quite fleeting, often more so than people are readily prepared for. All too often people treat bought friends like a product, believing that having given them money, they are now entitled to that person. This kind of treatment can have severe dehumanizing effects on the bought friend.

Depending on the level of professionalism of the bought friend, they may not even consider you as a friend that gifts them things, but as an employer that is paying them for their services. They may leave you once you have no more gifts to give, or leave once you've stopped paying them and/or they consider the service completed.

Hypocritically speaking, I don't think much of this method myself. I consider it viable for people who are looking for a temporary friend, and have no prospects of fostering a long term relationship out of it. With this in mind, you should consider bought friends as temporary friends.

So why would I waste my time on temporary friends?

Some good reasons you may want a temporary friend.

If your Relationship level is low, and you desperately need Exp. points to level up. Then having someone to practice with, who'll give you honest and constructive criticisms, who doesn't have their own agenda and/or reason to play games with you, is an extremely good source of it, and training with them is likely to lead to other long term friendships.

If you want to go somewhere (often abroad) and no one you know can make the time (and/or you don't speak the official language of your destination). Then offering to take a stranger (or friend of a friend) becomes a very viable option. Also, if your taking them strictly for their linguistic skill, people tend to be more accepting of this, I have a few opinions on this, but this post is already looking to be quite long, so moving on.

If your in a competition or playing a game of something, and you need skilled and/or talented manpower to compete against/with, but lack the friend-power to see the task done. Then a skilled and/or talented temporary friend can be a great asset to play with, strategize between games, and celebrate with afterwards. Though even if you lose they'll still be their to be your wing man, and designated driver, before riding off into the setting sun.

I could go on and with the examples, but as I just said a paragraph earlier, this post is getting on a bit, so I'll finish it there.

Hypocritically speaking? Why do you consider not thinking much of "Time = Money = Time" hypocritical?

I spend a lot of my free time moonlighting as what is (formerly) called an Escort. In simple terms, I'm a friend and/or lover for hire, though at £500/hr I get more interest for the latter, but as I'm often booked for an entire evening the two often get rolled into one. I've been doing this for awhile now, I'd like to say I do it for the money, but I'd be lying, lying to both myself and to you, my dear readers. The real reason I fear, cannot be so easily transcribed to a few written paragraphs on a Forum post.

I've encountered pretty much every aspect of the "Time = Money = Time" method, both casually, and professionally, and like I said previously, it's viable, you just have to be realistic about what it can actually achieve.

Getting to Know You.
This method skips the middleman (money), and runs on the concept, that the more time you put into the relationship, the more you'll get out of it. Often the goal is simply spending time with the person and enjoying each others company. The mutual investment of time is what makes it a popular method, since your time is precious and your choosing to spend it with them. For this reason it is often considered the sincerest form of friendship. It's also considered the cheapest and most expensive form of friendship, for a variety of reasons, though I'm not going to explain them, far to complex for post that's already shockingly long.

I'm sure there are others who have touched upon why this is the better way to make friends, but I'll go into a little detail.

This method is all about the journey, and it's very likely that by the time you realize that your friends with them, it will be years later when you reflect upon the time you've spent together. Notable benefits include the support and trust of a true friend, one that in most cases will be second only to family, some may even be considered family, others could be something more.

Notable downsides include the amount of invested time wasted if a friendship turns sour, their ability to embarrass and hurt you with what they about you/what you've told them. Friends gained by this method will likely hold you to some kind of standard and/or expectation that was present during the time spent founding the friendship. If you change enough from the person you used to be, they may consider you a shadow of the person they once knew, and your friendship may start to fracture.

"We've been through so much together."
Often thought of as the "Friendship born out of adversity", these are the friends you've made because you've been forced to spend time together. These are your cellmates, classmates, coworkers, neighbors, squad, team, ect. who you've been lumbered with, and if you don't want to rock the boat, then you'll need to find some way to get along with them.

These friendships could be considered some of the most diverse, since there's less emphasis on the who you are individually, than what you've been through collectively. Often considered to be the friendships with the most longevity, their easy to make and easy to maintain, even easier nowadays what with the Internet and Social Media. That being said, while these friends can be close, they're unlikely to put the time into interests that you don't share, though they may be cool with occasionally helping you get out of a bind.

The Gift Giving Agenda.
I almost forgot about this one. It's the child version of "Time = Money = Time", except centered around non-monetary payment. When I say child version, I mean that children, not just adults, employ this method.

I understand How this would work for an adult, but a child? How, why, would a child even buy a friend with gifts?

It's actually pretty normal, and in my days, when I was younger, all those years ago, when I had hair in fewer unwanted places, it was also widely practiced.

Among the many things my mother would pack into my rucksack, a first aid kit, a torch (for if I was out after dark), a road map (with our neighborhood circled, just in case I got lost), a police note (letter with her contact information), my game boy (I'd forget to recharge it, so she'd do it), there were these two items. My school lunch, which was about four times larger than the pack lunches of other children. Of course, considering I often didn't go home until well after dark, it could be said that it was intended as a substitute for the evening meal.

Then there was The Tub. This massive plastic tub was so big, it dwarfed the Jacob's variety box, and made the biscuit tin feel meek. It was refilled daily with homemade sweets and treats; glazed with love, and baked to perfection. There was no chance that I could eat all of it in under one week, and I'd feel pushed and likely very sick to manage it in under two. Stockpiling was pointless, since it was refilled daily, and because The Tub has always been THE Tub, storing them in other tubs, even through the eyes of a child, seemed redundant.

However, I never received the "Go out into the world my Son, and give unto them cake, that they might know thy generosity, and worship at thy alter." order, clearly it must have been lost in translation somewhere in the great monolithic, bureaucratic, hierarchical divide, that exists between the Mother in Chief and Private Son Jr.. That being said, it never stopped her nagging me about how much was left, and how it would hardly be worth the effort to replace them, but she would do it "...because my love for you knows no bounds..." with a wrinkled smile and all knowing eyes.

It wasn't too long before I started sharing my treats with other children (Gods those were some lucky pigeons and squirrels), but when I did, boy did it attract a crowd. It started slowly at first, but gained momentum once word of mouth started to circulate, and by the time I reached the point where I could empty The Tub in a day, I was a made man. I got invited to all the outdoor activities, got invited to all the clubhouses, people invited me to their house to play games. For a few short years, it was almost like I never had Autism, almost, then The Tub was abolished.

Somewhere during the middle of summer, leading up to my first year of high school, I was informed that The Tub would be stopping, that I would start getting pocket money instead. At that point, most of the people I regularly partied with, were people I shared a game, hobby, or interest with, and The Tub had long since become meh. Once it officially stopped, most people were aware, but I'd still occasionally get people coming up to me and asking me for treats. Once I got introduced to the horror that passed for a special needs high school, I felt glad The Tub was gone.

Years later, long after high school, I'd learn that the real reason behind The Tub existence was a lot more complicated. Largely, I was the aircraft carrier that served to get the bomber Tub close enough to it's intended target to deliver it's payload. I was just another soldier in the secret long drawn out mother wars, where one upping the competition has been a tried and true Scottish pastime for over 5000 years, even though only two or three Clans have stories from 3000-4000BC, and most Clans can only go as far back as 1000BC. Actual history aside, I think most Scots just like to make large sweeping statements, and there are few nations that have had such a long continuous history as us, and because 5000 is a nice round number, 3000 works too. Although, I think their afraid they might be compared to one of the other fledgling upstart nations, the one's who've only been around for that amount of time.

*cough-cough*

The other reasons for The Tub, was to make sure I was always carrying between 7-9kg of weight, to help counter-balance the lack of posture I routinely demonstrated when playing the computer. To increase my back strength, and to keep the pounds down. To champion my mothers skills in the kitchen, to show off my father's hard earned wealth to to be able to afford such ingredients, and to demonstrate to all their love and devotion to their eldest son. Who most definitely doesn't have anything wrong with him whatsoever.

Anyways, I've talked enough, it's getting close to lunchtime and... Oh it's evening already? I guess it's dinner time then...

That post was awesome, and hilarious.

I second this notion

Awesome, and hilarious. Not what I usually get attributed with.

What parts stood out as being particularly "hilarious"?

the way you write is very conversational which makes it easy to get sucked into reading your post. "the tub" story was especially fantastic, in the way you set up the premise and somewhat sentimentally described the function of the tub for you as a child, then at the end how you implicitly revealed the other reasons for the tub's existence, and ended on a dry joke that depended on the context ("who most definitely does not have anything wrong with him whatsoever ").

this is why I thought your story was awesome and hilarious. thanks for sharing!

I am at a loss for words to describe it, although I agree with Seaweed's reply. Your posts in general fill me with admiration and respect, and they somehow make me feel more human. I cannot really say why, though. Sorry.