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I have absolutely no friends

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questor
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27 Dec 2015, 8:50 am

I haven't had any friends in over 40 years, and before that it was just an occasional school chum. None of the neighbor kids liked me, and almost the entire enrollment of each school I went to didn't like me, because I am different. Being on the spectrum is tough today, but back then nobody had ever heard of Autism or Asperger's. We were usually diagnosed with emotional/behavior problems. Naturally, the methods used to try to "fix" us didn't work, because they didn't understand that this is a built in problem from birth. Some coping methods do help, some of the time, but there is no cure for people on the spectrum. At best, drugs can sometimes mask the symptoms, but they have harmful side effects, are expensive, and often addictive, without leading to a permanent cure. I was on several kinds when I was a kid. None helped, and all caused problems. Once I was in my teens, I deliberately started skipping doses, and eventually took myself off these dangerous drugs because they didn't work, and the side effects were unpleasant.

As for finding people who share some of your interests, try taking courses in subjects of interest to you. The teacher and the other students will share your interest in the topic, and that might lead to at least some casual friendships. Just remember, no one person is going to share each of your interests, but there's no reason you can't get some enjoyment out of spending some time with someone who shares only one of your interests. :D


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Butterfly88
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27 Dec 2015, 8:58 am

I don't have any friends either. Had one good one once but things didn't work out. There's got to be people interested in science. There's this great website called www.meetup.com where you can enter your interests and find events related to them near you. I know there are some science meetups in my area, maybe there is one near you. Good luck finding a friend!



Ilovesnails
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27 Dec 2015, 9:50 am

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One of my special interests is the weather :(


Sorry Kraftie, I should have been more clear. I mean the talk about the weather with a stranger that lasts for about two seconds when you are waiting around for a bus, etc. :lol:

-Uncomfortable silence and shuffling.
-"It sure is rainy today/hot/cold etc, today."
-"Yes, it sure is."
-Back to uncomfortable silence.



Yigeren
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27 Dec 2015, 2:26 pm

cberg wrote:
Yigeren wrote:
I hope so. I'm not exactly an expert on any one topic though, like most people I've seen on here. I tend to get obsessed over things within my major areas of interest, then suddenly lose interest for no apparent reason, so I know a little about a lot of things. Maybe it's ADHD (quite hyperactive as a child)...but I don't know


I tend to think passing interests like yours lend an agglomerate picture of the world. I sort of have the inverse quandary of stuffing my head with so much random knowledge that it starts edging out everything else. As I understand it, this has a lot to do with my insomnia. There are lots of different ways to reconstruct knowledge at its' boundaries...


I think that was in a episode of Married...with Children. The daughter, while not very bright, could memorize lots of random information but something useful was edged out. They started training her to go on a trivia game show, and the extra facts edged out something really basic she needed to know and she lost...

I kind of like random knowledge. I tend to know some odd things that most people are surprised to find out. You can then, out of nowhere, just say "hey did you know that the mango is related to poison ivy?" and then get an interesting, yet confused, reaction.

I have chronic insomnia myself. I spend a lot of time researching random things that are interesting but usually useless to me.



Yigeren
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27 Dec 2015, 2:43 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
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Ha, I had never even heard of it. But I did just look it up and that is a good idea. Apparently I don't know a whole lot of what's out there. I have another photo editing program that is free but it's rather limited in its capabilities.


Well, the GIMP is more than just "free" in the ordinary sense in which that word would be understood in this context. As Richard Stallman puts it, it's free as in free speech, and only as a result of the usefuleness of coöperative development through the Internet is it also free as in free beer for you to use. It's easier to make the distiction in languages that don't use the same ordinary word for 'having, made with or respecting freedom' and 'at a price of zero'.

I began to learn about the existence of free---as in free speech---software precisely when I found the GIMP as a replacement for a then-already-obsolete version of Adobe PhotoDeluxe. Then, after some trouble when I tried to enable some kind of functionality on Windows, I figured the GIMP might work more smoothly on an operating system made with the same philosophy ... and then I was amazed at the huge amount of software that was there, all perfectly legal for me to use, and generally made with coöperation in mind, and therefore encouraging the user to learn, rather than making things needlessly obscure, unnecessarily limiting what the user can do with it, or competing for the user's attention like plants for sunlight. What I find truly shocking is how little visible the Free World is.

If you're willing to program a little bit, you can write scripts to make the GIMP do a lot of things. An idea I haven't yet gotten started with---and which perhaps someone else has done out there---is stereograms.


That is good to know. I will make sure to do more research after the holidays. I do understand the distinction you have made in regards to the word "free". I appreciate the idea behind freeware; unfortunately I wouldn't have any knowledge to contribute, but I believe donations are accepted in some cases.

Right now I am using Windows so I hope I could get it to work correctly.

I would like to learn how to program. But I sort of have a strange relationship with computers. As a child, I developed an aversion to computers because I was strongly encouraged (not so nicely) to start learning about them at an early age (long story). Now that I'm older, that is wearing off and I think I would like to learn a few things. From what understand, successful programming is primarily about logic, and attention to detail, which I don't have any trouble with. But my knowledge is extremely limited at the moment.



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27 Dec 2015, 5:29 pm

Yigeren wrote:
That is good to know. I will make sure to do more research after the holidays. I do understand the distinction you have made in regards to the word "free". I appreciate the idea behind freeware; unfortunately I wouldn't have any knowledge to contribute, but I believe donations are accepted in some cases.

Right now I am using Windows so I hope I could get it to work correctly.

I would like to learn how to program. But I sort of have a strange relationship with computers. As a child, I developed an aversion to computers because I was strongly encouraged (not so nicely) to start learning about them at an early age (long story). Now that I'm older, that is wearing off and I think I would like to learn a few things. From what understand, successful programming is primarily about logic, and attention to detail, which I don't have any trouble with. But my knowledge is extremely limited at the moment.


Programming is indeed about logic and attention to detail. It's also about having good tools to help you avoid the more common mistakes people make. I would suggest picking a specific language to learn (I recommend Java as it's close to a number of other programming languages buy fairly simple to learn) and start learning it. Start with a basic "Hello World" program and move on from there.


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the_phoenix
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27 Dec 2015, 5:46 pm

Yigeren wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
I'm also into abstract art. As a photographer, I prefer creating abstract landscape scenes and abstract nature close-ups from ice or from a sunset over a pond or lake, or simply ripples in the water, or a tree against a textured overcast sky. They become abstract based on the post-processing techniques I use in PhotoShop Elements. Some people criticize the use of a computer program, but I bet those same people don't know how to use PhotoShop. Basically, I paint with it.


That is almost the same thing that I have wanted to do, except with paint. I love nature, and I tend to notice interesting patterns that others do not. Close-ups of natural things, made into the abstract, reveal beautiful things about nature that aren't immediately apparent. I think using a computer program is also art, it requires imagination and skill, it's just a different medium. I have used Photoshop in the past, but never mastered it. I can't afford to own these types of programs.

I always did art for me, but I definitely do appreciate when others like my work. It's just not what drives me. Unless it would be for someone special, that's a different story.

I would be interested in seeing some of your work sometime if you have a site or something on display. Unless you are very private about your work, some people are.


Yes, Yigeren,

It definitely sounds like we have similar tastes in artwork.

I'm not shy at all about people seeing my work since I exhibit it, bring it to craft fairs, and sell it online. That said, I can send you a link in a Private Message to my Etsy shop if you're interested in seeing it ... I'd be more comfortable posting the link privately to you instead of in public.

Also, I would be interested in seeing your artwork too! :)

...


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Moon Trance
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27 Dec 2015, 7:08 pm

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Thank you, that is a very nice thing to say, and it does make me feel better :)


Really? Oh...that´s good to read that...anyway, you can contact with me by PM for anything!


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Yigeren
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27 Dec 2015, 10:04 pm

Nist498 wrote:
Programming is indeed about logic and attention to detail. It's also about having good tools to help you avoid the more common mistakes people make. I would suggest picking a specific language to learn (I recommend Java as it's close to a number of other programming languages buy fairly simple to learn) and start learning it. Start with a basic "Hello World" program and move on from there.


I wonder if it's something I could learn by doing whenever I get a chance every once in awhile. I can't focus on too many things at once (because I'm terrible at it). I'm already teaching myself a language and going to school so I don't know how much time I'll have to work on it. Maybe if I get a book to teach me. My father programs and designs software, lol, so I ought to be able to learn it.



Yigeren
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27 Dec 2015, 10:11 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
Yigeren wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
I'm also into abstract art. As a photographer, I prefer creating abstract landscape scenes and abstract nature close-ups from ice or from a sunset over a pond or lake, or simply ripples in the water, or a tree against a textured overcast sky. They become abstract based on the post-processing techniques I use in PhotoShop Elements. Some people criticize the use of a computer program, but I bet those same people don't know how to use PhotoShop. Basically, I paint with it.


That is almost the same thing that I have wanted to do, except with paint. I love nature, and I tend to notice interesting patterns that others do not. Close-ups of natural things, made into the abstract, reveal beautiful things about nature that aren't immediately apparent. I think using a computer program is also art, it requires imagination and skill, it's just a different medium. I have used Photoshop in the past, but never mastered it. I can't afford to own these types of programs.

I always did art for me, but I definitely do appreciate when others like my work. It's just not what drives me. Unless it would be for someone special, that's a different story.

I would be interested in seeing some of your work sometime if you have a site or something on display. Unless you are very private about your work, some people are.


Yes, Yigeren,

It definitely sounds like we have similar tastes in artwork.

I'm not shy at all about people seeing my work since I exhibit it, bring it to craft fairs, and sell it online. That said, I can send you a link in a Private Message to my Etsy shop if you're interested in seeing it ... I'd be more comfortable posting the link privately to you instead of in public.

Also, I would be interested in seeing your artwork too! :)

...


Yes, that would be fine. I don't have much artwork anymore...most of it is old from when I was in school and much of it was destroyed/ruined when I moved. I even gave a lot of it away, or threw stuff out when I was done. I don't know why exactly; I guess I had a low opinion of my work. If I do something and it's not my best I have little use for it. Now I mostly have a ton of ideas I never get a chance to work on. But I can still show you some of the old stuff.



Yigeren
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27 Dec 2015, 10:30 pm

questor wrote:
As for finding people who share some of your interests, try taking courses in subjects of interest to you. The teacher and the other students will share your interest in the topic, and that might lead to at least some casual friendships. Just remember, no one person is going to share each of your interests, but there's no reason you can't get some enjoyment out of spending some time with someone who shares only one of your interests. :D


I'm sorry to hear that you haven't had friends for so long. It sounds like your childhood was difficult. I don't really believe in medication for many mental conditions. Many side effects, some possibly permanent, and they still aren't fully understood.

That is good advice. I know some people in real life have advised me to do the same, but I was very pessimistic about it. I guess I should rethink it.

I know this sounds awful to say...But in the past when taking classes I was usually much more talented than the others in the class. Particularly with art. There was no comparison. It was awkward for me. The professors were always using me as an example and the students remarking on my work. I like to be among people on the same level. Otherwise I am singled out and feel alone, awkward, etc.



kraftiekortie
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28 Dec 2015, 11:40 am

Hi Phoenix,

I'd like to see your artwork, too!



Hyperborean
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28 Dec 2015, 12:41 pm

Yigeren, I understand exactly what you mean in your original post. The main problem with many (but not all) NTs is superficiality. I was going to say a lot more, but you've had some wonderful responses from some of the great people here already, so I hope that makes you feel better. You're among your own kind here on WP - among friends.

:)



Yigeren
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29 Dec 2015, 1:42 am

Hyperborean wrote:
Yigeren, I understand exactly what you mean in your original post. The main problem with many (but not all) NTs is superficiality. I was going to say a lot more, but you've had some wonderful responses from some of the great people here already, so I hope that makes you feel better. You're among your own kind here on WP - among friends.

:)


Thank you, I agree about the superficiality. I force myself to act in that manner in public (sometimes), but I HATE it. It makes me feel awful, false, like a liar. I don't understand why people want to act that way, but if I don't, people think I'm weird.

I have had to learn to be fake, and I use it when necessary. Otherwise, if in public, I talk to practically no one and avoid the problem entirely. Or if it doesn't really matter, I can get away with being my "eccentric" self and not worry too much.

I can't get away with the fake persona for long though. The real me comes out eventually. I'd like to get to a point where I'm respected/liked by enough people (at work, or in the event that I actually have friends) that they just accept that I'm eccentric and then I can be me.



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29 Dec 2015, 2:25 am

Quite frankly, I don't give a f!ck anymore about friends, or other people. Just leave me the hell alone, and don't bother giving me any kind of help, even if I beg for it.



kraftiekortie
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30 Dec 2015, 6:54 am

I bet you have found at least a couple of friends here!

Never give up! You have lots of good and intelligent things to say.