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Social Skills/Rules Learned The Hard Way, Not Intuitively?

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SpreadsheetMaster
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 3 Apr 2017
Age: 33
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Location: Seattle WA

15 Apr 2017, 7:15 pm

Don't make a joke unless you're sure your audience will understand it. I offended a whole group of friends with one of those.



Here
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

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Joined: 17 Jun 2012
Age: 62
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Location: California

16 Apr 2017, 6:50 pm

Here wrote:
Personally, I must say, social-skills and rules were learned "the hard way" early-on (to say the least). I quickly learned intuitively, as well as by osmosis (from both advice, and "real-world" examples) later-on, up to the present! Yet, active participation in anything beyond small-talk still remains a challenge.

It must be mentioned, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do!"

Here is a post on small-talk: 'Small Talk: First Conversations vs. Subsequent Conversations.'
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=318389


ADDENDUM: To clarify, the adage "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" can apply anywhere; that is when we find ourselves in unfamiliar situations (even in our own communities), carefully note the common sentiments/actions of surrounding people. It's been noted that people on the Autism Spectrum can sometimes feel like strangers in their own lands!



League_Girl
Veteran
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Location: Pacific Northwest

16 Apr 2017, 8:51 pm

I am still trying to learn this; when someone asks a question, they are not always looking for an answer and it's not even a real question they're asking. For example someone asked on a forum "when does it become abuse?" when they were talking about being in a abusive relationship and when does fighting back become abuse she asked so I answered it. That got taken the wrong way and I didn't mean to offend the OP and I apologized for misunderstanding her question and I thought she was asking it so I answered it and I guess I misunderstood.

It's also better to blame yourself when you take things literally and apologize for misunderstanding them. That way people are forgiving and can move on and there is no friction. Don't argue with them about what they should have said or what they didn't say, etc. Just say you misunderstood and "my bad." If you know you're literal, this is what you should be doing.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.