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When Aspie women and Aspie men don't get along

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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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24 Oct 2017, 2:10 pm

hurtloam wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Men making sexist generalizations about women is not women's fault.


I totally agree.
We shouldn't just have to take it on the chin.

Kara you make it worse by the way you respond though. I genuinely think some of the guys on here are oblivious as to how their words can make someone feel.

Reacting like it's obvious why you take offence and springing into insult mode won't help you put your case forwards. To them it's not obvious.

I've learned to be as emotionally flat as possible in responding to these guys and try to reason with them. I can often draw them out and get a conversation going.


I didn't insult anyone, I am the one being personally attacked. They may have perceived insult when I said that some of the guys make the environment here really hostile for autistic women, but that's not an insult. It's a statement of fact, because some of the guys here act that way--if they are not the guys being sexist, then there is no reason for them to think I am talking about them when I talk about the guys who make negative generalizations about women. There is no reason to wish harm on me, for stating this fact. Maybe I don't take the most passive tone with these guys, but that doesn't make it OK to wish brain damage on me. It's rather messed up that its being suggested that my not being docile enough is what's causing men to attack me personally.


You called his post BS. Even if it is he thinks it isn't so will get on the defensive and an argument will ensue.

It's more conducive to conversation to say 'I don't agree because of x, y and z.' We can stop the threads escalating that way.


I call it like I see it (his post was a bunch of sexist BS), and I'm not going to be more docile and passive just to placate men who can't handle disagreement. And commenting on the content of someone's post is not a personal insult, and does not justify a personal attack and wishing harm on people. They may not like women disagreeing with their posts, but that doesn't give them the right to break the forum rules.



hurtloam
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24 Oct 2017, 2:17 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Ragnahawk wrote:
Give me one second. I got one up for you.


Just so you know, wishing harm on other people is really crappy. Apparently your parents didn't teach you that, so I thought I should mention it. This forum is about learning social skills after all, so you might want to remember that in future to improve your social interactions.


I am not familiar with this expression. Is it wishing harm?



ZachGoodwin
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24 Oct 2017, 2:35 pm

I think "give me one second I got one up for you" means the middle finger.



Temeraire
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24 Oct 2017, 2:49 pm

I find it difficult to read all of these comments as it is so painful to watch people who could be supporting each other having a dig at each other.

The written word does not show the intention behind it and can be misconstrued just as much as emotions make us react in a heated way. We are all human, none of us perfect regardless of gender and we all have different perceptions.

I so wish people would be careful with their words when making a potential sensitive statement and say it is just some people who does this or that. I have been drawn in myself by reading general sweeping statements only to realise the poster didn't really pay attention to their words and didn't mean any offence.

So I am learning to be more tolerant and think before I reply - I can at least get confirmation from the poster whether they meant to make such a sweeping statement before I get all worked up.

Lets try to learn from these things instead of going on the rampage with each other.

Tolerance works both ways.



ZachGoodwin
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24 Oct 2017, 4:08 pm

Temeraire wrote:
I find it difficult to read all of these comments as it is so painful to watch people who could be supporting each other having a dig at each other.

The written word does not show the intention behind it and can be misconstrued just as much as emotions make us react in a heated way. We are all human, none of us perfect regardless of gender and we all have different perceptions.

I so wish people would be careful with their words when making a potential sensitive statement and say it is just some people who does this or that. I have been drawn in myself by reading general sweeping statements only to realise the poster didn't really pay attention to their words and didn't mean any offence.

So I am learning to be more tolerant and think before I reply - I can at least get confirmation from the poster whether they meant to make such a sweeping statement before I get all worked up.

Lets try to learn from these things instead of going on the rampage with each other.

Tolerance works both ways.


Same goes for you.



Temeraire
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24 Oct 2017, 4:17 pm

ZachGoodwin wrote:
Temeraire wrote:
I find it difficult to read all of these comments as it is so painful to watch people who could be supporting each other having a dig at each other.

The written word does not show the intention behind it and can be misconstrued just as much as emotions make us react in a heated way. We are all human, none of us perfect regardless of gender and we all have different perceptions.

I so wish people would be careful with their words when making a potential sensitive statement and say it is just some people who does this or that. I have been drawn in myself by reading general sweeping statements only to realise the poster didn't really pay attention to their words and didn't mean any offence.

So I am learning to be more tolerant and think before I reply - I can at least get confirmation from the poster whether they meant to make such a sweeping statement before I get all worked up.

Lets try to learn from these things instead of going on the rampage with each other.

Tolerance works both ways.


Same goes for you.


Absolutely the same goes for me. I would be happy to get feedback as long as it wasn't a personal attack.
If someone feels I have made a statement which feels uncomfortable they are welcome to say.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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24 Oct 2017, 4:22 pm

hurtloam wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Ragnahawk wrote:
Give me one second. I got one up for you.


Just so you know, wishing harm on other people is really crappy. Apparently your parents didn't teach you that, so I thought I should mention it. This forum is about learning social skills after all, so you might want to remember that in future to improve your social interactions.


I am not familiar with this expression. Is it wishing harm?


He wished me harm in a previous comment, I just quoted this one because I didn't want to navigate back to the previous page to find that comment. I'm not sure what he was trying to say with this particular comment.



Marknis
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24 Oct 2017, 4:24 pm

Temeraire wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
Temeraire wrote:
I find it difficult to read all of these comments as it is so painful to watch people who could be supporting each other having a dig at each other.

The written word does not show the intention behind it and can be misconstrued just as much as emotions make us react in a heated way. We are all human, none of us perfect regardless of gender and we all have different perceptions.

I so wish people would be careful with their words when making a potential sensitive statement and say it is just some people who does this or that. I have been drawn in myself by reading general sweeping statements only to realise the poster didn't really pay attention to their words and didn't mean any offence.

So I am learning to be more tolerant and think before I reply - I can at least get confirmation from the poster whether they meant to make such a sweeping statement before I get all worked up.

Lets try to learn from these things instead of going on the rampage with each other.

Tolerance works both ways.


Same goes for you.


Absolutely the same goes for me. I would be happy to get feedback as long as it wasn't a personal attack.
If someone feels I have made a statement which feels uncomfortable they are welcome to say.


Here's the issue with him (Zach), though. He has no business judging anyone. He claimed I use "Evangelion hipster" just because of my avatar and that I fanboy about it when I never use the terms from the franchise in my posts and I've only talked about it once because someone asked me about it. :roll:

Tim_Tex wrote:
What’s redpill?


A sick mentality trumped by Bible Belters.



Last edited by Marknis on 24 Oct 2017, 4:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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24 Oct 2017, 4:27 pm

As I hope people can see from the news cycle lately, sexism is on the way out and men who perpetrate it are starting to be held accountable for their behaviour. The world is changing, for the better. I am doing my part by calling it out when I see it, to make communities like this one safer for women to participate in.



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24 Oct 2017, 4:40 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
As I hope people can see from the news cycle lately, sexism is on the way out and men who perpetrate it are starting to be held accountable for their behaviour. The world is changing, for the better. I am doing my part by calling it out when I see it, to make communities like this one safer for women to participate in.
It's on the rise in America because the person in charge belives It's perfectly acceptable to grab women by the p#ssies & brag about it & point at his daughter's boobs like he's wanting to play with them.


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ZachGoodwin
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24 Oct 2017, 4:40 pm

Marknis wrote:
Temeraire wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
Temeraire wrote:
I find it difficult to read all of these comments as it is so painful to watch people who could be supporting each other having a dig at each other.

The written word does not show the intention behind it and can be misconstrued just as much as emotions make us react in a heated way. We are all human, none of us perfect regardless of gender and we all have different perceptions.

I so wish people would be careful with their words when making a potential sensitive statement and say it is just some people who does this or that. I have been drawn in myself by reading general sweeping statements only to realise the poster didn't really pay attention to their words and didn't mean any offence.

So I am learning to be more tolerant and think before I reply - I can at least get confirmation from the poster whether they meant to make such a sweeping statement before I get all worked up.

Lets try to learn from these things instead of going on the rampage with each other.

Tolerance works both ways.


Same goes for you.


Absolutely the same goes for me. I would be happy to get feedback as long as it wasn't a personal attack.
If someone feels I have made a statement which feels uncomfortable they are welcome to say.


Here's the issue with him (Zach), though. He has no business judging anyone. He claimed I use "Evangelion hipster" just because of my avatar and that I fanboy about it when I never use the terms from the franchise in my posts and I've only talked about it once because someone asked me about it. :roll:

Tim_Tex wrote:
What’s redpill?


A sick mentality trumped by Bible Belters.


Well you have no business judging the people in your state and your family just as much as me Mark.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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24 Oct 2017, 4:43 pm

nick007 wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
As I hope people can see from the news cycle lately, sexism is on the way out and men who perpetrate it are starting to be held accountable for their behaviour. The world is changing, for the better. I am doing my part by calling it out when I see it, to make communities like this one safer for women to participate in.
It's on the rise in America because the person in charge belives It's perfectly acceptable to grab women by the p#ssies & brag about it & point at his daughter's boobs like he's wanting to play with them.


I think who the president is and how he behaves definitely sets a bad example, but I have hope because of what's happening right now to men like Harvey Weinstein and Terry Richardson. Women have had enough and are starting to speak out, and the more they see other women speaking out the more they are encouraged to stand up for themselves and name what is being done to them and shame who is doing it.



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24 Oct 2017, 7:48 pm

Quote:
I'll work on being stronger so people won't attack me, and I'll start by telling you to piss off and what you wrote here is BS.

Quite enlightening.
Had no idea that NT dramaqueenism extended into the spectrum until I found this site.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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24 Oct 2017, 8:28 pm

The Abdominal Snowman wrote:
Quote:
I'll work on being stronger so people won't attack me, and I'll start by telling you to piss off and what you wrote here is BS.

Quite enlightening.
Had no idea that NT dramaqueenism extended into the spectrum until I found this site.


:roll:

Can you interpret that facial expression, or is it too NT for you?



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24 Oct 2017, 11:33 pm

Ok so has this thread answered the OPs question?



ZachGoodwin
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24 Oct 2017, 11:39 pm

hurtloam wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

None of that really applies when talking about men on the internet making sexist generalizations about women and accusing all women of lying and not understanding their own experiences. I think he meant if I were "stronger" then men being sexist towards me wouldn't bother me, which is both incorrect and also takes the responsibility off of men to stop being sexist and puts it on women to just put up with their sexism. Because I am a strong person I am not willing to put up with sexist men, that's what really bothers guys like him.


I agree that the worst thing is guys constantly devaluing our experiences and telling us we don't understand how we really feel or what we really want. They think women are idiots. You can't reason with those types so just end up walking away. That's why aspie women give up on the socialising with aspie males.

They treat us like our opinions don't matter. They treat us like deluded idiots.

#notallmen but the bad ones are vehement enough to make us leave.

I don't think the strength bothers these guys. They couldn't care less. They just really believe their view and can't be shifted. It's an aspie forum. It's a theory of mind issue. I don't know if they are able to understand a woman's perspective.


Men were taught to forget about thinking what's behind them and focus on what's ahead of them. Anything that is behind a man is seen as a distraction, and so to focus on what's ahead is more important because it may hurt a man more than what the man has faced in the past.

Example when Bambi's dad tries to get Bambi to get up to get out of the fire:



(I know I already talked about Bambi, but it's the best example I can think of).