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Having only same sex friends

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Spiderpig
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22 Jul 2018, 12:28 pm

Mapofsteel wrote:
I don’t want any opposite sex friends and I don’t want any same sex friends that have opposite sex friends either.


What about same-sex friends who have same-sex friends who have opposite-sex friends? And same-sex friends who have same-sex friends who have same-sex friends who have opposite-sex friends? Where do you draw the line? Eventually, it's not worth the effort to have any friends at all.

Mapofsteel wrote:
I need to know that there are many others just like me, AS and NT alike, that feel the same way. And I will not honor or tolerate any of my friends choices to have opposite sex friends.


I'd like to know that, too, if only to know whom to steer clear of.

Mapofsteel wrote:
It’s a combination of the way I was brought up along with my Asperger’s black and white way of thinking. I was raised in a conservative Christian home, and I also went on spiritual retreats where they emphasized the difference between boys and girls, men and women and the importantance if waiting until marriage for sex. And I interpreted all this to mean that it is wrong to have friends of the opposite sex, and it also made me uncomfortable dealing with anyone that has friends of the opposite sex.


I wasn't raised in a conservative Christian home, but I made similar interpretations, because my parents couldn't be bothered to make the rules very clear. When in doubt, if you don't want to get in trouble, you have no choice but to abide by the most restrictive possible version. It was pretty obvious my parents didn't want me to have sex. Therefore, it stood to reason that I shouldn't date or have a girlfriend, since the whole point of both is to have sex. But then, if they allowed me to have female friends, how could they tell I wasn't disguising a girlfriend as one? Besides, being completely ignorant about the difference between those kinds of relationships, I could easily fall in love with a girl, but still call her a friend. So the wise thing to do was to stay away from my female peers, no matter how much I craved their company, even considering that sometimes my parents seemed, paradoxically, to encourage me to make friends of both sexes. Of course, I never made any of either.


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Mapofsteel
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27 Jun 2019, 8:04 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
Mapofsteel wrote:
I don’t want any opposite sex friends and I don’t want any same sex friends that have opposite sex friends either.


What about same-sex friends who have same-sex friends who have opposite-sex friends? And same-sex friends who have same-sex friends who have same-sex friends who have opposite-sex friends? Where do you draw the line? Eventually, it's not worth the effort to have any friends at all.

Mapofsteel wrote:
I need to know that there are many others just like me, AS and NT alike, that feel the same way. And I will not honor or tolerate any of my friends choices to have opposite sex friends.


I'd like to know that, too, if only to know whom to steer clear of.

Mapofsteel wrote:
It’s a combination of the way I was brought up along with my Asperger’s black and white way of thinking. I was raised in a conservative Christian home, and I also went on spiritual retreats where they emphasized the difference between boys and girls, men and women and the importantance if waiting until marriage for sex. And I interpreted all this to mean that it is wrong to have friends of the opposite sex, and it also made me uncomfortable dealing with anyone that has friends of the opposite sex.


I wasn't raised in a conservative Christian home, but I made similar interpretations, because my parents couldn't be bothered to make the rules very clear. When in doubt, if you don't want to get in trouble, you have no choice but to abide by the most restrictive possible version. It was pretty obvious my parents didn't want me to have sex. Therefore, it stood to reason that I shouldn't date or have a girlfriend, since the whole point of both is to have sex. But then, if they allowed me to have female friends, how could they tell I wasn't disguising a girlfriend as one? Besides, being completely ignorant about the difference between those kinds of relationships, I could easily fall in love with a girl, but still call her a friend. So the wise thing to do was to stay away from my female peers, no matter how much I craved their company, even considering that sometimes my parents seemed, paradoxically, to encourage me to make friends of both sexes. Of course, I never made any of either.

With regards to same sex friends that have same sex friends that have opposite sex friends, I expect all my friends to be within the same circle of friends with me, and that none of us will have nor want nor need any friends outside of our own circle. Thus, the problem of same sex friends that have same sex friends that have opposite sex friends and so on and so for will be completely eliminated. The thing is, I DON'T understand why people have friends of the opposite sex, and I NEVER WILL. Why on earth would someone want to have a friend of the opposite sex when they can't understand each other at all and they have so much more in common and always relate better to members of their own sex so much better?



TwilightPrincess
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27 Jun 2019, 8:10 pm

Mapofsteel wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Mapofsteel wrote:
I don’t want any opposite sex friends and I don’t want any same sex friends that have opposite sex friends either.


What about same-sex friends who have same-sex friends who have opposite-sex friends? And same-sex friends who have same-sex friends who have same-sex friends who have opposite-sex friends? Where do you draw the line? Eventually, it's not worth the effort to have any friends at all.

Mapofsteel wrote:
I need to know that there are many others just like me, AS and NT alike, that feel the same way. And I will not honor or tolerate any of my friends choices to have opposite sex friends.


I'd like to know that, too, if only to know whom to steer clear of.

Mapofsteel wrote:
It’s a combination of the way I was brought up along with my Asperger’s black and white way of thinking. I was raised in a conservative Christian home, and I also went on spiritual retreats where they emphasized the difference between boys and girls, men and women and the importantance if waiting until marriage for sex. And I interpreted all this to mean that it is wrong to have friends of the opposite sex, and it also made me uncomfortable dealing with anyone that has friends of the opposite sex.


I wasn't raised in a conservative Christian home, but I made similar interpretations, because my parents couldn't be bothered to make the rules very clear. When in doubt, if you don't want to get in trouble, you have no choice but to abide by the most restrictive possible version. It was pretty obvious my parents didn't want me to have sex. Therefore, it stood to reason that I shouldn't date or have a girlfriend, since the whole point of both is to have sex. But then, if they allowed me to have female friends, how could they tell I wasn't disguising a girlfriend as one? Besides, being completely ignorant about the difference between those kinds of relationships, I could easily fall in love with a girl, but still call her a friend. So the wise thing to do was to stay away from my female peers, no matter how much I craved their company, even considering that sometimes my parents seemed, paradoxically, to encourage me to make friends of both sexes. Of course, I never made any of either.

With regards to same sex friends that have same sex friends that have opposite sex friends, I expect all my friends to be within the same circle of friends with me, and that none of us will have nor want nor need any friends outside of our own circle. Thus, the problem of same sex friends that have same sex friends that have opposite sex friends and so on and so for will be completely eliminated. The thing is, I DON'T understand why people have friends of the opposite sex, and I NEVER WILL. Why on earth would someone want to have a friend of the opposite sex when they can't understand each other at all and they have so much more in common and always relate better to members of their own sex so much better?


If you’re interested in having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, it’s a good idea to have friends who are female.

Men and women aren’t as different as you think we are. We are certainly capable of understanding each other.

One shouldn’t want to stick to such a small group of friends. Relationships come, people move, and the dynamics get switched around. It’s good to try to be more inclusive now because things aren’t going to remain static.



shortfatbalduglyman
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27 Jun 2019, 10:14 pm

Your social circle is not subject to a sex quota

You can be friends with anyone that consents

Seriously though I don't fancy it matters if someone is a man or woman

But whatever

That is not "discrimination"

If you were hiring manager and you only hire one sex, that is "discrimination"



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01 Jul 2019, 1:35 am

Mapofsteel wrote:
I expect all my friends to be within the same circle of friends with me, and that none of us will have nor want nor need any friends outside of our own circle.

Why do you expect this? Why on Earth would you want to close off yourself, and your friends, to the possibility of making more friends and expanding your circle?

Mapofsteel wrote:
The thing is, I DON'T understand why people have friends of the opposite sex, and I NEVER WILL. Why on earth would someone want to have a friend of the opposite sex when they can't understand each other at all and they have so much more in common and always relate better to members of their own sex so much better?

Because gender is insignificant compared to all the other things that set me apart from the vast majority of people. I seek fellow weirdos who share my interests, regardless of gender.


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01 Jul 2019, 1:44 am

I have more male friends than female. I don't choose friends by gender, but I often find men easier to talk to.


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Mona Pereth
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01 Jul 2019, 1:46 am

Mapofsteel wrote:
It’s a combination of the way I was brought up along with my Asperger’s black and white way of thinking. I was raised in a conservative Christian home, and I also went on spiritual retreats where they emphasized the difference between boys and girls, men and women and the importantance if waiting until marriage for sex. And I interpreted all this to mean that it is wrong to have friends of the opposite sex, and it also made me uncomfortable dealing with anyone that has friends of the opposite sex.

Are you still a conservative Christian? Or have you moved away from conservative Christianity but still retain the social attitudes you were brought up with? In the latter case, are you open to learning about and at least trying to understand (even if you are still uneasy about them) other, more modern value systems that may currently puzzle you?


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Mapofsteel
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01 Jul 2019, 7:11 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Mapofsteel wrote:
It’s a combination of the way I was brought up along with my Asperger’s black and white way of thinking. I was raised in a conservative Christian home, and I also went on spiritual retreats where they emphasized the difference between boys and girls, men and women and the importantance if waiting until marriage for sex. And I interpreted all this to mean that it is wrong to have friends of the opposite sex, and it also made me uncomfortable dealing with anyone that has friends of the opposite sex.

Are you still a conservative Christian? Or have you moved away from conservative Christianity but still retain the social attitudes you were brought up with? In the latter case, are you open to learning about and at least trying to understand (even if you are still uneasy about them) other, more modern value systems that may currently puzzle you?

I am still a conservative Christian and always will be.



Mapofsteel
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01 Jul 2019, 7:13 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Mapofsteel wrote:
I expect all my friends to be within the same circle of friends with me, and that none of us will have nor want nor need any friends outside of our own circle.

Why do you expect this? Why on Earth would you want to close off yourself, and your friends, to the possibility of making more friends and expanding your circle?
This is because if I open the door to us expanding our circle, then it also opens the door to people that do not want to be friends with all of us, and vice versa. And if they are rejecting some of us, then they are rejecting us all:
Mapofsteel wrote:
The thing is, I DON'T understand why people have friends of the opposite sex, and I NEVER WILL. Why on earth would someone want to have a friend of the opposite sex when they can't understand each other at all and they have so much more in common and always relate better to members of their own sex so much better?

Because gender is insignificant compared to all the other things that set me apart from the vast majority of people. I seek fellow weirdos who share my interests, regardless of gender.

I have interests that I feel no one else has.



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02 Jul 2019, 8:34 am

Mapofsteel wrote:
I have interests that I feel no one else has.

How do you know that no one else has them? Have you ever made a point of looking for people who might share your interests? These days, thanks to the Internet, it's possible to find people interested in just about anything conceivable.


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02 Jul 2019, 1:44 pm

Mapofsteel wrote:
jrjones9933 wrote:
Out of curiosity, could you make friends with trans men?


No, because I believe that transgender is immoral and unnatural, and I believe that gender is determined at birth and cannot be changed.

Are you assuming, by the way, that there are only two genders "determined at birth"?

Are you aware of the existence of people who are born intersex? (See Intersex Society of America and the relevant Wikipedia page.) Many, though by no means all, transgender people were actually born intersex.


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Mapofsteel
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02 Jul 2019, 7:24 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Mapofsteel wrote:
jrjones9933 wrote:
Out of curiosity, could you make friends with trans men?


No, because I believe that transgender is immoral and unnatural, and I believe that gender is determined at birth and cannot be changed.

Are you assuming, by the way, that there are only two genders "determined at birth"?

Are you aware of the existence of people who are born intersex? (See Intersex Society of America and the relevant Wikipedia page.) Many, though by no means all, transgender people were actually born intersex.

Yes, this is what I am saying. Also, those born intersex are actually only one sex, they just were born with the birth defect of having the genitals of both sexes. This can be easily corrected by surgery once the correct sex has been determined. Also, this is one of the consequences of the fall of mankind into sin. Finally, I know that there are only two sexes determined at birth because scripture says, "And God created man in His own image, male and female He created them." (Genesis 1:27)



Mona Pereth
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03 Jul 2019, 12:36 am

Mapofsteel wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Are you assuming, by the way, that there are only two genders "determined at birth"?

Are you aware of the existence of people who are born intersex? (See Intersex Society of America and the relevant Wikipedia page.) Many, though by no means all, transgender people were actually born intersex.

Yes, this is what I am saying. Also, those born intersex are actually only one sex, they just were born with the birth defect of having the genitals of both sexes.

Not so simple. How do you decide what their actual "one sex" is? By genes? Some intersex people have "mosaic genetics" -- some cells containing XY and other cells containing XX.

Mapofsteel wrote:
This can be easily corrected by surgery once the correct sex has been determined.

Not so easy, not so simple. Many intersex people, upon growing up, feel that they were assigned the wrong sex via said surgery. Also, some intersex people already, at birth, appear to have external sex organs of just one sex, but have internal sex organs of the opposite sex, which doesn't become known until later in life.


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Mapofsteel
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03 Jul 2019, 6:53 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Mapofsteel wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Are you assuming, by the way, that there are only two genders "determined at birth"?

Are you aware of the existence of people who are born intersex? (See Intersex Society of America and the relevant Wikipedia page.) Many, though by no means all, transgender people were actually born intersex.

Yes, this is what I am saying. Also, those born intersex are actually only one sex, they just were born with the birth defect of having the genitals of both sexes.

Not so simple. How do you decide what their actual "one sex" is? By genes? Some intersex people have "mosaic genetics" -- some cells containing XY and other cells containing XX.

Mapofsteel wrote:
This can be easily corrected by surgery once the correct sex has been determined.

Not so easy, not so simple. Many intersex people, upon growing up, feel that they were assigned the wrong sex via said surgery. Also, some intersex people already, at birth, appear to have external sex organs of just one sex, but have internal sex organs of the opposite sex, which doesn't become known until later in life.

Feelings do not matter. Only the scientific work to determine biological sex during infancy by doctors does. Ditto with transgender people. They are still the same sex they are when they were born, and nothing can change that.



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03 Jul 2019, 11:27 pm

Mapofsteel wrote:
I don’t want any opposite sex friends and I don’t want any same sex friends that have opposite sex friends either. I need to know that there are many others just like me, AS and NT alike, that feel the same way. And I will not honor or tolerate any of my friends choices to have opposite sex friends.


You're going to have to realize that no, there actually aren't many like you. Even other people who might not prefer the company of the opposite sex themselves don't usually insist that none of their friends can have friends of the opposite gender.

Get used to be alone in the world, because you are choosing a path that will ensure you remain that way.


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03 Jul 2019, 11:29 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Mapofsteel wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Are you assuming, by the way, that there are only two genders "determined at birth"?

Are you aware of the existence of people who are born intersex? (See Intersex Society of America and the relevant Wikipedia page.) Many, though by no means all, transgender people were actually born intersex.

Yes, this is what I am saying. Also, those born intersex are actually only one sex, they just were born with the birth defect of having the genitals of both sexes.

Not so simple. How do you decide what their actual "one sex" is? By genes? Some intersex people have "mosaic genetics" -- some cells containing XY and other cells containing XX.

Mapofsteel wrote:
This can be easily corrected by surgery once the correct sex has been determined.

Not so easy, not so simple. Many intersex people, upon growing up, feel that they were assigned the wrong sex via said surgery. Also, some intersex people already, at birth, appear to have external sex organs of just one sex, but have internal sex organs of the opposite sex, which doesn't become known until later in life.


You're arguing with someone who's made it clear he thinks he understands what gender people are better than they themselves do if they disregard his opinion. You can't correct someone who's absolutely dedicated to being incorrect.


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