People Finding Out We're Just Like That

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KitLily
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15 May 2023, 10:56 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:

In my experience, it's even more true for romantic relationships. At first they think I'm smart and funny and cute and quirky... and then they realize just how deep and pervasive that quirkiness is, and suddenly it's not so attractive anymore.

I'm so lucky now to have a partner who really appreciates me, even after 4 years together. Maybe it helps that she's ADHD herself.

I'm glad you are in a happy relationship!

I agree with what you said about partners realising the truth. I was really lucky that I met my husband really young and he appreciates me, for some reason. I'm not sure how we got married, because I never pick up on flirting or if anyone is interested in me romantically! I suppose because he made it very clear that we were going on a date, he was courting me, he didn't say vague things like, 'let's hang out together.' He was very definite that he was interested in me romantically.

My previous boyfriend was the other type- he thought I was funny, cute, quirky etc. Then realised how anxious, unsociable, inflexible, literal I am, and he didn't like that so much. Good riddance to him though.

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KitLily
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15 May 2023, 11:01 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

Has anyone been told their Neurodivergence makes them so captivating and otherwise amazing it makes the other person feel badly about themselves because they don’t have the same fortitude, or is that just a FML thing for me alone?

No, that sounds like something a narcissist would say to you. When they want you to say 'oh no, you're much better than me' so they can preen.

I've had people saying I'm perfect and amazing but the MINUTE I have any sort of negative problem, they switch to 'you're evil'. So I think it's some kind of problem such people have got if they go to extremes like that. :roll:

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Summer_Twilight
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15 May 2023, 2:02 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:

I had a crush on an autistic man who carried an attitude like that. In the begging, he thought I was cute and smart too but as he started connecting with me, I wasn't the deep ultra geek that he longed for.

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15 May 2023, 2:43 pm

KitLily wrote:

IsabellaLinton wrote:

It's not exactly this ^ but yes I've experienced that too.

This person wasn't just talking about my Neurodivergence. It was kind of everything - my resilience, my strength dealing with trauma, single parenting, being independent, even the way I think, feel, forgive, and love unconditionally. They meant it as a compliment, but also said it makes them aware of their own shortcomings. They don't view themselves as having the strength or will to persevere the same way they think I do.

The person is suffering from depression and wasn't looking for props. It was heartfelt and said with reverence. They think the world of me and they weren't having a pity party or invalidating my trauma / hardships. They just wish they could have some of what I'm having, so to speak.

I was left feeling like I have magic pixie dust in my brain, but I know for a fact that's not what they meant. It wasn't meant to be patronising or gaslighting, but an honest expression of their own feelings.

I just wondered if anyone else has been told similar, or how they replied.

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KitLily
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16 May 2023, 2:43 am

Ah right, I see, Isabella.

Well you are pretty amazing to deal with everything you deal with! :heart:

What happened with that person, did you stay friends with them?

Yes I seem to be a Marmite person- people either really love me or really hate me.

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Edna3362
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17 May 2023, 3:14 am

I'd rather be weird and not taken seriously right after a while, than deal with my own emotional fluctuations all the sudden, and so do people ended up with me unintentionally suddenly 'become rude' whenever I'm not feeling well. :roll:

And I'm sick of the stupid reactive self.
I wish I was alexithymic and actually be one of those up to the point people.
I wish I have no stupid hormonal crap that most women seem to be able to emotionally cope with.

I can afford a lot of hung ups.
But not emotional hung ups. I hate being 'emotional'.

I'm way "happier" not being reactive and simply not being emotional in general because I'm more in control and more aware of the outside, along with my own actions and words.

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KitLily
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17 May 2023, 5:59 am

What do you do with your emotions, Edna?

I turned a corner when I learned that if I ask myself 'how do I feel?' every day, it helps. And niche it down as much as I can.

e.g. I feel bad--> I feel sad--> I feel disappointed--> I feel broken.

It helps me know myself better somehow.

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Edna3362
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17 May 2023, 6:26 am

KitLily wrote:

I have no issues identifying. No issues with self inquiry.
Writing all about didn't seem enough -- and that itself is disappointing. I wish I could just be able to do it alone so no one else had to.

Ignoring in real life seems the safest option I got.

Because most of said emotions are actually inappropriate -- wrong, petty, immature... Or worse.

Expressing it is either awkward, deceptive, subconscious manipulation, violent or ends up with trouble and consequences.

Yes, even with positive emotions.
I don't want it not because it's fleeing or false hope, but because it also gives me future headaches.

I just keep acting upon my feelings.
I wish I can stop. Or being able and having the real choice to not having to.
Or never have to deal with it in the first place.

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KitLily
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17 May 2023, 9:57 am

Edna. That does sound very difficult. I wish I could think of a way to help you...

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AprilR
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19 May 2023, 4:04 am

I don't let anyone see my weird side so idk what would happen if they do.. Probably a pitiful look and the but you can talk? You are so normal! Speech.

KitLily
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19 May 2023, 5:08 am

AprilR wrote:

I don't let anyone see my weird side so idk what would happen if they do.. Probably a pitiful look and the but you can talk? You are so normal! Speech.

How do you hide it? I just can't. I am just weird for some reason and can't hide it.

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PhosphorusDecree
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19 May 2023, 5:52 am

I sometimes get accused of being "pretentious", like me dressing and acting the way I do and being interested in what I am is all some cynical act to win popularity. When a) I really am just like that and b) all those things are part of what makes me unpopular.

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KitLily
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19 May 2023, 9:31 am

PhosphorusDecree wrote:

I've never had that accusation but how annoying for you! People think it's all about themselves, don't they :roll:

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IsabellaLinton
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19 May 2023, 9:43 am

KitLily wrote:

What happened with that person, did you stay friends with them?

It's a work in progress. They're getting mental health support now for their depression.

They know we can't be codependent and I can't be their saviour, but nor can they be mine.

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KitLily
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19 May 2023, 9:48 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

KitLily wrote:

What happened with that person, did you stay friends with them?

It's a work in progress. They're getting mental health support now for their depression.

They know we can't be codependent and I can't be their saviour, but nor can they be mine.

You make a good point. I think a lot of people these days/online want saviours. When I was first online, a lot of people told me I was perfect and wonderful but the minute I couldn't help them or had a bad day, I was suddenly evil and wrong.

I didn't understand it at the time but now I think it was just them wanting someone perfect who would save them. Obviously that isn't me or anyone!

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PhosphorusDecree
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19 May 2023, 2:17 pm

KitLily wrote:

PhosphorusDecree wrote:

I've never had that accusation but how annoying for you! People think it's all about themselves, don't they :roll:

I still remember how during a particularly bad time mental-health-wise, I was shuffling down the street looking even more tramp-like than usual and wearing dark glasses in an effort to stop my head from screaming, when someone screamed "Poser!" at me. Really, dude, if you think that's supposed to be a fashion statement you've got problems yourself.

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