I can't keep female neurotypical friends

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I would agree that people don’t always intentionally write sexist posts or engage in sexist rhetoric in general, but it doesn’t mean that those things shouldn’t be commented on or acknowledged as such. Sexist comments don’t typically occur in isolation but are part of a broader pattern of behavior that originates from specific beliefs and values. Also, sexist posts and threads are against the rules.

Most people probably have some degree of prejudice due to tribalism and environment. We need to stop demonizing the word “prejudice” because we are so horrified by the notion of having it that it makes it very difficult to examine our own views in key domains.

I have to agree with Twilight Princess. This is an example of a sexist generalization.

Thank you, I never mean any malice and when I speak of women I am talking about NTs (whom I have 55 years of experience with as a male NT). Really no need for girls/women on the spectrum to interpret my posts about them.

There are a lot of young autistic men who are looking to make friends and have relationships with NT women. They look to older men like myself for wisdom about dating. Like you said I am not a woman (no arguments there). But my perspective as a male who spent years hunting for a life partner has at least some value to single straight men on this forum (If you must know I do get a lot of support from male WP members who think I am being unfairly targeted).

I never claimed that your comments were directed at autistic women or me in particular. Sexism is sexism.

Nope, I’m not targeting anyone. My problem is with sexism in general. It’s harmful to female members, AND it’s explicitly against the rules. It’s harmful to male members as well. Sexist attitudes and beliefs are rooted in anecdotal evidence, confirmation bias, and viewpoints that are promoted by sexist communities (i.e. ignorance), and they could inhibit a person’s ability to form female friendships/relationships. This specific forum and thread is about social skills and friendship although sexist remarks aren’t allowed in L&D either.

People need to stop thinking and speaking of women as “the other” and, instead, consider them as people - true wisdom. There are designated sites to engage in sexist rhetoric/backwards thinking. WP isn’t one of them.

Thankfully, there are currently several male members on WP I like, respect, and admire who do not engage in this sort of behavior and who provide meaningful advice and support to everyone no matter their gender.

The males I am communicating to can't even get a female to speak back to them. If females choose to ignore them then how else do you expect them to think of women? Sure in an ideal world males like these shouldn't "other" women but let's be frank, beyond getting lectured here on WP they go back to real world and basically females are this mysterious creature that dwell in places they do not go.

Engaging in sexism would do nothing to improve one’s prospects with women. Women find sexist remarks and attitudes extremely off-putting (no matter if it’s directed at them or other women) which should surprise no one because, once again, we are people. People who uphold and encourage sexism may be inadvertently doing more harm than good.

Actually listening to women might be a good start for people who want to form relationships with them.

Most sexism is actually generated by men in power who have women at their beck and call. They basically take women for granted and "other them" because...they can (and have for generations). Any wonder that they are the role models for men who look up to them for guidance. So then when you have men who can't even have a conversation with a female their age (let alone ever dare think of going on a date) then is really all that surprising they develop seething resentment for what they perceive as being overlooked.

Sure, there's plenty of men (aspie or NT) who have healthy, happy relationships with women. But they aren't the ones who need help are they.

Sexism is so widespread it’s most often engaged in by normal people - people like you and me. Giving sexist advice is not helping.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 05 Mar 2024, 8:00 am, edited 4 times in total.

Ok I am sincerely curious where do you draw the line between dating advice and sexism?

I think you have it back to front. I think the othering happens first and that's why some men have difficulty in developing relationships with women. Their failure to connect just reaffirms a belief they already had.

I think often sex gets in the way. Some men are not approaching women with genuine interest in them, they are doing so because they understand that they can have sex with women and unfortunately that's a goal in itself.

Perhaps I was lucky in being raised with two sisters. Women were never mysterious or 'other' to me, they were just people. I had more long lasting friendships with women (and I'm talking about genuine friendships here, not me secretly want to have sex with them at the first opportunity and trying to get them to trust me) than I did with men.

Sometimes it seems like these men fail to notice the value of women outside their sexuality. That, right there, is the othering - not the fact that women don't respond well to them. They don't seem to value that women are interesting, funny, caring, loyal, intelligent - all the things that all humans can be. They just see the possibility of sex.

And if the woman doesn't respond to them in the only way they value, they start to see the woman as a gatekeeper preventing them getting what they want. And that's where resentment sets in.

So the solution isn't to tell these men that they're right, women are these strange alien beings that need to decoded and strategized around to get them to give up the goods. It's to try to encourage them to see women as 3-dimensional beings worth spending time on regardless of the prospect of sex, because if you approach a woman with genuine interest in them, the same as you would a man, you might make an amazing friend, you'll learn A LOT more about women than you will reading the thoughts of incels on the internet, and if a romantic interest develops then that's great too but it shouldn't be your end game.

Well said Duck! That’s what I think too. Your views are always spot on with this stuff.

Sexism towards women that I’ve seen on WP: sexist generalizations, derogatory remarks, mansplaining, belittling women’s struggles, experiences, and intelligence, rating women’s bodies, ignoring or dismissing female opinions regarding women, making sexist claims based on supposed biology or evolutionary biology, using PMS to dismiss a woman’s opinion, telling women what they want rather than listening to their opinions, sexually objectifying remarks/language, upholding the view that women are “the other”/“men are from Mars, women are from Venus,” harassing females members in various ways, claiming that women have it easier, Incel stuff, and probably other stuff that I can’t think of right now.

Whatever the needs of the person would be, advice should be rooted in respect for women as fellow humans - in general and on this forum.

I honestly find the bar pretty low in this thread for what can be considered sexism.

Sexism is discrimination or prejudice based on gender. There is a difference between making a generalisation that can be viewed as something part of one's own experience/observation and believing or stating that a particular idea is 100% true in all cases and for all people.

With regards to Cyberdad's comment, he simply stated his belief that more attractive women can be more narcissistic. I don't really see how that demeans the average woman, or insinuates a sexist belief that women are not people or that they aren't as intelligent as men or that they are in any way inferior.

Cyberdad could have said "men are more likely to be violent than women" in a different scenario or thread as something unrelated but which can be compared to what he actually said - and that wouldn't be a harmful stereotype or a sexist statement against men, since there is truth to that notion.

Similarly, some people would believe that attractive women often are conceited and/or narcissistic, based on experience.

Sexist beliefs/stereotypes are not uncommon but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t sexist. The problem here wasn’t a single sentence, but comments that were sprinkled throughout various posts. Cyberdad also said that his claim was a “fact of life,” that there was “no denying” another, and he stated what “actually” motivates women, so it seems more like he was promoting sexist viewpoints as fact rather than opinion. In any case, claiming that highly attractive women are narcissistic IS demeaning to women. Whether these opinions are personal or widespread, they are sexist and against WP’s rules and guidelines.

QFT:

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 05 Mar 2024, 8:54 am, edited 4 times in total.

Easily avoided - stop posting generalised sexist nonsense explaining what women do or feel, and especially don't be surprised when a woman puts you straight.