aspies and empathy

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I would have to agree with you both on that.
When my Dad died my Mom though I was in shock because it didn't bother me as much as she thought it should.

I think I have waaay more true empathy for animals than I do for humans.
It seems more like I have to force myself to sympathize with humans and don't really empathize with them at all even though I try.

Most people don't know what empathy is. I feel sympathy, but I'm not able to "read" the social clues expressed by the other person--thus I don't (technicaly) feel empathy. Nonsympathetic aspies wouldn't be more sympathetic if they were NTs.

I don't really get what empathy is. Does it mean to know what others are feeling, to actually feel something about what others are feeling or just to care about the feelings of others?

Seems to me like everyone interprets the word differently. Does anyone know the real definition?

I have empathy!
I'm getting sick and tired of people telling me that I don't!
If anyone has no empathy, it's the rest of my family.. they didn't cry when one of my cats was put down, didn't cry when my grandma died, didn't cry when my other grandma died recently, didn't cry when my uncle died of cancer... and I did!
In fact, I don't think they ARE capable of crying.. if they do have empathy, they keep it locked up somewhere.. I want to see it.. come on family members, let me see you cry next time something goes wrong in your lives...

It's not normal...

I do.
It's ALL of those.
Even though empathy means different things to different people, it's all of those things.




PS - sorry for double post, didn't notice the post above when i replied

If it does, then I'm highly empathetic (I just have a f*****g hard time expressing it...)

Then do you have to be able to fill only one of the requirements, or all three? Because I do care about what people feel a lot. If someone is sad or depressed or anything then I want to help the person, though I never know what to do. And I can’t even imagine deliberately hurting anyone. Bu t then there's the matter of knowing what others feel. It’s hard unless they actually tell me. And I can't actually FEEL sad just because I know that someone else is.

it's odd that i can feel if an animal is in pain or discomforted like my pet cats and dogs, i can't stand them being in any sort of pain but when it comes to people i don't feel as much although i do get emotional with sappy movies, i hear people say i'm cold

I have no problem empathizing but I do get confused at times on how a person feels if they're not being directful or just giving off hints. Sometimes I miss the cues on the hints. I think I do better with people being a little more upfront. This is just something I've noticed lately. Also I'm pretty good at surmizing facial expressions as opposed to the obscure wording. Anyway wording makes it harder.

I have empathy, but it kicks in at really weird times - it's easy for me to have empathy for fictional people, like characters in books or movies, and I remember having really strong empathy for some of my stuffed animals when I was younger, but then something really major will happen to people I know in real life and I can't make myself empathize. Sometimes I'll randomly remember things like that years later, though, and then I'll have empathy.

OMG, I do this a lot. I'm not big on crying at the movies but it's easier for me to feel and know what's going on with the character than in real life. Must be because of all the theatrics in acting that are potrayed more clearly as opposed to real life.



I used to have this and felt bad about it. I still do when I compare an animal to a person in trouble. I don't know if that's related to AS or not.

I CONCURR!! !! !! !! !! !
TO THE MAX

I think Tog's note i closest to mine. If I hear something aweful, I rationalize, but if I can see it in reality, it will hit me like a landslide. I did not know what empathy was, or how it is different from sympathy, so I looked it up in dictionaries. Sympathy is the ability to recognize what feelings others experience. Empathy is to be the other person for a while so that you copy his/her emotions.

I do not feel any empathy what so ever. I may feel sympathy strongly, even though I am uncapable of acts of compassion. When a friend of mine was literally crying due to true hardship in her life, I felt that she would need some help. She should not be left in that state even for a second. Helplessness overwhelmed me and I could not do anything, yet alone watch her suffering. Luckily, my brother was also there, so he was able to comfort her. I could not understand why she was crying (no empathy), but I recognized that this was more that just a few tears (sympathy). I have no ability to act on the knowledge, so I am not compassionate (able to perform acts of compassion).

I have empathy when I am explicitly told what another person
is experiencing. I have to be told, "She is very hurt," to
understand what is going on. Then I feel the empathy kick
in, strong, like a knife in the gut. PLUS the guilt that I didn't
"get it" right away.

I don't feel empathy, but I have a close substitute. That substitute is an inborn instinct to fix things that are broken. Often people come to me with problems like: Bill collectors are bothering me (solution: compose a cease & desist letter), My car died in traffic and won't start (solution: grab a new battery at Wal-mart and limp home to avoid a tow bill) , The neighbor's dog won't let me sleep (solution: mail a formal complaint to animal control), Someone wrote me a bad check (solution: have the DA file an arrest warrant), My son was killed (solution: attend the funeral or at least send flowers)

If someone just wants to whine, I come off as a cold scumbag. If there's something that can be fixed, I come off as a good guy. It is what it is.

God I am the same way.

I wish people would just understand what "we" go through...