I don't drink, and I never have been drunk in my life. Sometimes knowing this makes me feel isolated though, especially when middle-agers and old people talk about when they were young and got themselves drunk stupid at parties. Then they say about what being drunk made them do, like crawling down an alleyway completely wasted. I just sit there feeling disconnected, because of being the only one in the room who has never been drunk before.
But, despite that...I don't want to get drunk, but the way it alienates me makes me feel guilty that I don't want to drink, if that makes sense. Like the OP, I am afraid of losing my self-control, and I'm also afraid of the possible hangover that comes the next morning. I have a phobia of vomiting.
Also, once I had a glass of gin and tonic, and after that I felt bloated and nauseas, and didn't fancy any more. So I don't know how people can drink pint after pint, when I feel bloated after 1 pint.
Also like the OP, I make up some BS story to get me out of drinking, like saying I suffer a lot of migraines, or saying that I've been drunk once and didn't like it.
But not drinking does make social situations harder to endure. When you drink, time goes by quickly, and you are also more louder and it just seems fun. But when you don't drink, and you're introverted too, time just stands still and you just sit there watching the people around you getting louder.
And, lastly, how does it feel to be drunk? When you're in that state where you are saying and doing things that aren't you, then the next day you don't remember any of it? Are you conscious of yourself at the time you are drunk, or are you temporarily in a dementia-type state? How do some drunk people manage to find their way home but don't know what they are doing when they get home?
_________________
Female