Trouble getting along with other Aspies

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Most people annoy me, aspie or not.

I kind of feel the same way here. I'm definitely not on the same level as NTs, but I also tend to be higher functioning than others on the spectrum. I don't find others with AS to be generally annoying though.

I really understand where the OP is coming from because I feel the exact same way.

I do have a tendency to distance myself from and belittle Aspies who are more obvious and lower functioning than I am who also have gross, crass, insensitive or annoying behavior. Sometimes it's petty insecurity and desperation to prove that I'm more socially capable than them, and I end up being needlessly cruel, but it's also to put them in their place and bluntly make them aware of their behavior's effect on other people, so in a backasswards way I'm trying to help them. But it partly stems from my resentment for my severely AS father. He's high functioning but his lack of comprehension, mental disorganization, rigidity and insensitivity make me feel like I'm living in some f****d up version of I Am Sam whenever I'm around him. At least I don't have to live with him. I have a very low tolerance level for that kind of behavior because I had to live with it for the first two decades of my life.

It's not like I hate all AS people though. I had a favorite teacher in high school and he definitely struck me as an undiagnosed Aspie, and one of his daughters also sounded like she had traits from what he told me about them. Many of my close friends also seem to have clusters of AS traits here and there but never very severely.

I do also find myself in the interesting situation of being half NT and half AS. I sometimes join my NT mom for a women's support group for moms of kids with AS and autism, and everyone seems to appreciate my ability to "translate" AS thought and reasoning patterns into language that NTs can understand.

I get along better with intelligent, kind NTs and milder Aspies like myself. I tend to choose friends who are maybe a little bizarre or offbeat but are generally kind, funny human beings and for the most part have their s**t together.

I'm ISTP on Meyers-Briggs, by the way.

not sure if i can identify with that or not. i'm pretty much the only aspie i know of around where i live. though i suspect my younger sisters are too. Erin is 8 and definitely meets the antisocial or "oddness" & obsessions criteria. and katie is 17 and she just seems a little off. and distant though not in such a significant way as to have warranted getting any kind of diagnosis. as far as i know though my little brother (12) seems pretty neurotypical. lucky

pretty sure we all get it from my dad. maybe a little from my mom too, but really i'm not too certain on that one. but my dad is definitely a little odd. and he really annoys me sometimes with his seeming irrational behavior and tendencies to bottle things up and explode.

As for relationships, she was expecting a relationship with absolutely no burdens or inconveniences, and I told her that it was unrealistic, but she wouldn't listen. She said that if Mr. Perfect didn't exist, she would be content with being a crazy cat lady.

wait, wha?...

Not did it only render me an ineffective negotiator, it shattered the belief that I had for the past 10 years that Aspies don't lie or cheat.

(I started limiting myself to other Aspies because my first girlfriend, who was an NT, cheated on me. The infidelity was discovered in 1999, hence the 10 years reference).

I find it unfortunate that there appears to be a "class system" of aspies. There's gonna be a stratification of personalities, co-morbidities, and circumstances within any population of aspies, but I feel uncomfortable with the self-absorbed significance of me vs. them "gamesmanship" that comes with perceiving a "stepladder heirarchy" among aspies. Yes, we may frustrate one another, but notions of "better than" or "less than" only encourage narcissistic marginalization.

I've noticed that, too.

It almost sounds like an unfortunate pecking order. Like someone's saying:

"I'm a first-class social ret*d. No worries, because you're a first-class queer."

I see a very similar thing in the Aspie group I attend at university. There are 5-6 people attending on average: almost all show some Aspie characteristics.

Yet there are two members of the group that I am in total disbelief that they are diagnosed AS: they present well and if you met them you wouldn't get a vibe that "something was up" with them, like the others.

However, a few present very obviously as AS. They keep to themselves before group (no small talk, social niceties etc.), stim, have an odd presentation and are reluctant to talk about anything other than their interests/points of view. It's not a bad thing at all, if anything I just leave them be and try not to 'pop their bubbles'

The girl I'm closest to is interesting. She has great social skills but has interests and values that are quite different from people her age. She looks and acts like she's 50 in a 25 year olds body, which I find fascinating. Her tone of voice is also a bit different, she always sounds like she's about to cry. But she is highly intelligent, mature and steadfast, and I have come to admire her a great deal.

Another girl is sort of the opposite: she comes across as a little immature: outgoing, but awkwardly outgoing. She reminds me of me when I was 12 or so, rather than a university student.

AS isn't a 'one size fits all' disorder by any means. You're going to get a variety of ways in which it manifests in people, and this will be influenced by their personality. I enjoy the Aspie group but find it interesting when the members all congregate together: the differences in functioning are evident then. I try not to rank myself against any of them though, and feel that each of them has something to share or to be admired by.

I've only known 2 kids with Aspergers in school. One was a boy who I never got along with. He was into the whole Rocker thing and he always acted like he was superior to me. Plus we both went to the same Special Ed School and then went back to the High School. In Special Ed I'm pretty sure he knew me well because we were in the same class for years, but once we got to High School and I tried to talk to him he always pretended like he had no idea who I was.

And then there was this girl with Aspergers who I became friends with at first. She seemed pretty nice to me and I would sit with her and her friends at lunch, but after awhile they would get on my nerves. Like they seemed to think that just because I was a guy I was stupid didn't understand the things girls talked about, and they were always causing drama at the table and trying to drag me into it. Plus the girl had this thing where she thought she could joke about me all she wanted, but if I ever joked about her she would get angry and hit me. So I just quit having anything to do with her.

AMEN to THAT!

I share those sentiments, but struggle with exactly the feeling described by the OP. A few years back, I vaguely knew a guy who I strongly suspected of having AS. There was a (credible) rumour that he liked me - he never made any advances towards me, flirted with me or really asked me to be his friend, but other not particularly subtle remarks and actions aroused my suspicions. I wasn't nasty to him and as I'm quite reserved by most accounts, I don't think he twigged that I felt the way I did. I just never went out of my way to get to know him better, basically.

I don't think I felt as bad about it at the time as I do now. This is a guilty admission, but my overriding feeling was one of superiority to this person who was lower functioning than myself, but the real cause of the unease I felt around him came from the knowledge that I wasn't really that different to him. Who feels that rejecting someone on these grounds is wrong?

And I have experienced that adulation of higher functioning Aspies myself when admiring the writing and analysis of certain posters. I suppose it's comforting when you see a postitive representation of any condition that affects you.

The said friend, apparently, is the type who will bail out of a relationship when things get even remotely difficult.

It really depends on the type of Aspie and our common interests..

I tend to get along very well with other Aspies who are into computer gaming, Anime, or investing..

Then again, I also get along fairly well with NTs having those same common interests as well..

I usually find very little common ground with Aspies who are mainly into Science (physics, biology, chemistry, etc.) or those into Sci-Fi.

I'm about as social as the more introverted NTs.. however, when it comes to judging what other people are thinking/feeling/planning by their actions and body language without verbalization, I'm probably even worse than most other AS's. This often leads to awkward social situations..