How come some aspies have friends and others can't make any

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Boo: It's not that nobody thought anything was "wrong" until I researched Aspergers. Everyone I've ever known has told me I was weird and somethign was wrong with me, and if I told them about the problems I had they had no idea what I was talking about... we couldn't relate. Even my "friends" couldn't... people who liked me would "tolerate" my behavior (for a while), but they misenterpretted it. I knew I was different (whether or not I thought something was "wrong" depended on how positive I was feeling about myself, which was usually not very, but I knew that something was differenet in that I couldn't get or figure out the things that other people seemed to be able to grasp about interaction, and when I figured out how to do some things manually that were like some great discovery, it was somethign other people did without even thinking about).

While my parents initially insisted I didn't have Asperger's (without knowing anything about it) when I first mentioned it, I hardly think this is any kind of indicator. Their immediate response to me saying somethign was wrong with me was to insist it was all in my head. I had the same response to both severe allergies and asthma growing up, which I didn't get any kind of treatment for until I was 12. Anything "wrong' could be overcome by willpower, or was some sort of self indulgence (as you seem to view Aspergers). This didn't prevent them from observing and complaining about numerous things that were "wrong" with me in terms of how I acted and treated other people, a frequent interpretation being that I didn't care about other people at all (I did) or was intentionally trying to be rude or drive people away (I wasn't). Since I did not go to school prior to college there wasn't any report given to my parents about this either, not that they probably would have believed it if it had been the case.

Since it wasn't related to the topic of the post, I didn't feel the need to list all the various things that set me apart growing up or were explained by Asperger's, though I've occasionally mentioned in other posts. I also don't feel the need to prove I am more or less "aspie" than anybody else... would you feel the need to do this with any other condition? Diabetes? Depression? Schizophrenia? Likewise I don't feel the need to get "certified" by a psychiatrist.
Most psychiatric and mental conditions are by definition not something you can just prove with a test. They are loosely grouped together based on observed characteristics or the patient's own responses and the doctor's interpretation. If you think about it, a large amount of conditions you would probably deem legitimate are diagnosed without a medical test as well. I go to the doctor for a rash, they give me a cream, it goes away. They don't sample my skin and put it under a microscope. Most of the times I've gone to the doctor and received treatment they didn't do some kind of test, they just observed and asked questions and identified it based on their knowledge of similar things. Obviously there are other conditions which required more stringent tests, especially because certain medicines might be harmful if you don't have the condition, or interact with other conditions or drugs... but it's not quite as cut and dried as you make it out.

Plus, while they are still making medical advances all the time, almost every week I read something new that they have linked to such-and-such gene or test that they didn't have that association before. Evidence points to the fact that Asperger's is linked to genetics as it seems to run in families. There has also been some evidence linking Austism in general to genetics, I was just reading about further discoveries in this in the past week. Just becuase they can see some physical changes though doesn't mean they can diagnose it that way... they're only scratching the surface. It was only comparatively recently that they discovered physical evidence of Alzheimer's in the brain, and that's not even fully proven. But it would be folly to have claimed beforehand that since there was no physical test, the condition did not exist. Know what you know and know what you don't know. There is still more that we don't know about medical science and the human body than we do know, and just becuase you don't know how something works doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Boo: I sure hope you revise this opinion of yours often. It doesn't seem very sound at all.

Reasons being:

AS is related to Autism. I know that I for one have always related more in thoughts and feelings to autistic people. It is how I suspected I had asperger's. Think about that for a moment. I, the relatively normal looking person, relates more to the person who sits rocking and babbling than, say, the supermarket clerk who says hello to me. Professionals are aware that AS is related to Autism. This concept of yours only works if you ignore that correlation, imo, as that link is quite significant.

If you are unable to comprehend the pattern between the two, and how meaningful that pattern is, I would suggest that perhaps you don't have AS. Being unable to follow a pattern beyond a couple or even just one step is a tell tale characteristic of a normal brain, to me. Neurotypical people are very much confined to the information immediately available to them.

Suggesting that SaNcheNuSS has avoidant personality disorder, while a justified question to ask oneself, most certainly reeks of poor investigation. Have you ever actually compared people with disorders like these to people with asperger's? There is a reason that one of the phrases used in psychology is "to rule out". Asperger's is something, like Schizophrenia, which needs to be ruled out so one can discover the more apt term for one's difference. I know NT people who would definitely rule out AS, but show signs of, or know that they have other disorders.

Like I know a NT with OCD. She's able to talk to people, without missing a beat, as those NT people do, but she also talks obsessively sometimes, and she engages in many repeated tasks. She keeps an obsessively clean home. She's able to look people in the eye, and have close relationships. She enjoys motherhood. Besides her OCD she is quite normal.

I know an NT with PTSD. She has symptoms which superficially seem very similar to AS - fear of going out, fear of human presence, and other poor reactions to humans. But she also engages very easily in eye contact, is capable of and desires close human relationships, and is clearly very congruent with her physical body. She just has to overcome the limitations posed by her PTSD to have the life which she, as a very normal person otherwise, desires. Even though she is so damaged she sometimes just sits in a corner away from everyone in the room, she has close friends, drives well, and is generally capable of focusing in the way that normal people do. She just had a really hard childhood.

The diagnosis of AS exists for a reason, and I think that the DSM's revision bringing it in with Autism not only shows that there is some sort of meaningful difference between people on the spectrum and others, but it shows that they had the opportunity to revise it into disappearing if they wanted to... and chose not to. Perhaps your only obvious AS trait here is your inability to accept authority and skill in other people.

I know making up your own rules for everything is tempting, but try to consider that you might be wrong.

Perhaps you even have such a low functioning form of autism that you can't reason very well if you're not careful, and make off topic posts in threads? Perhaps you are so locked inside yourself you can't imagine what it's like to be neurotypical, as I barely can from observation, and thus presume you are innately the same, with a different personality?

Try to understand the nature of a scale. We are called higher functioning for a reason. I don't think your argument really addresses that reality very well. It doesn't address MANY things very well.

I for one do not think there is such a gap in research that AS just doesn't exist. I've read some quite interesting research. Maybe you should read more. It would also improve your grammar.

I don't know. I'm one of those lucky aspies with plenty of friends. Most people don't know I have it unless I tell them. So I guess I'm a "stealth aspie." I can spy on NT's from the inside and then all their secrets will be ours! Mua ha ha ha ha!

I guess it's similar to why some NT's aren't as popular as others. Personality quirks, compatibility with others, agreeableness, etc.

I never was close with anyone except a select few.
my father, and my best friend lantz.

Ive had relationships, but as far as friendships go, I like having aquaintences. Not really anyone too close unless we are always sharing something.

in lantz's and my dad's case, they can relate to me, and inspire me, like I inspired them. symbiotic enough.

in relationships, we both were happy around each other.

im not really one for having a large group around me at any given moment.

From observing half-mainstreamed aspies and even non-mainstreamed auties in school, I can say that the following are factors:

1. Relative obscurity of the special interest - an intense though mainstream interest (such as video games) is more socially valuable than an offbeat one (such as renaissance women's clothing).
2. Sexual inclination - I have noticed that asexual and/or aromantic aspies have an easier time making friends than those who are more inclined to sexual attraction and crushes. This may be due to the fact that asexuals may find it easier to relate to both sexes without awkwardness, or because romantic/sexual aspies often obsess, make innapropriate advances, or even stalk the objects of their affection.
3. Parenting style - aspies with overprotective parents make fewer friends. Who wants to go to the house of a 15-year-old who is only allowed to watch Veggie Tales?
4. Attitude toward life - depressed, miserable, whiny, resentful aspies can't make friends. Happy aspies often attract people even if they're awkward.
5. Openness - aspies who disclose make more friends because their peers understand why they are different.
6. Willingness to touch - I knew a high-functioning girl who had trouble making friends because she asked people not to touch her on first meeting (she had severe sensory problems, but off-putting is off-putting). I also knew a near-nonverbal child with an IQ below 40 who had tons of friends because he would run up to people with a big grin on his face and ask for hugs.

There are probably more...I'll post them if I think of them.

I tend not to make friends very easily as, often I come across as being distant and mundane.Also, I don't always pick up on my errors of social communication or even written communication too though, I'm constantly trying to do better..