Anyone else afraid of being "found out"?

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Personally I wish I didn't even find out.

I'm not diagnosed, but can tell it fits. But I really think I could've understood my own flaws well enough without a diagnostic label. If you think about it having AS we're better with details. "AS" is a general description, since no two people with it are the same. I don't want to be stereotyped.

Also, I don't mind if people laugh at me if I do something weird and wouldn't want people to hold back because "it's AS". Studies show that even the smallest cognitive variations or differences in personality are represented in brain chemistry. If it's wrong to laugh at me for being weird it's wrong to laugh at anybody for being weird.

I would've been fine had I been born a century earlier where the most I would have to worry about is being seen as "eccentric".

If someone else has AS that's the only time I'm OK with sharing that. Otherwise forget it.

I really don't want "he has AS" to ever enter into the equation in other people's thoughts about me or how they interact with me. I do NOT want it to be taken into consideration. I do NOT want to be treated differently. I just want to be treated as an individual. And that's what I'm afraid of losing. I don't know what I would do if somebody who doesn't have AS asked me about it.

I think having a label just gives people an excuse to blame everything on it. Like guys saying "oh it's just that time of the month" when a woman gets mad about anything (even if it's legit) or is having some other problem, but on a grander scale. It's not always the AS -sometimes I just don't like you, or your stupid club lol. Even normal things will be framed like "wow, I'm surprised they can do that with AS." One of my sister-in-laws cousins has AS, and her well-meaning folks feel the need to explain his "condition" discreetly to new folks before meeting him. So the poor kid gets treated with kid gloves, spoken to like a small temperamental child, or ignored. Whereas my own relatives would normally push and prod a "shy" child to join in activities, they see him upstairs on the computer by himself and don't do anything because of his "condition". They play games right by him and assume he doesn't want to play even though he does and just doesn't want to intrude, just leaving him feeling more left out.

People don't need to be told you're "off"; they know. They used to think I was aloof and too good for them; now that I work with people of higher rank and academic achievement than me they realize I am shy and awkward. Whereas I used to compensate myself by being an overachiever and people resented me, now a lot of people are really nice and invite me along on things. I think if you are the type of person that offends people without meaning to or is much more skilled/ prettier than others maybe you should tell. Otherwise I wouldn't and personally haven't because even nice people don't know how to behave towards someone who has a disability/ disorder and it will scare them off. Or they don't believe it's a real thing and you're just a whiny @#@% that needs to grow up, which let's be honest guys is exactly what it sounds like until you actually get to know someone with AS in person.

I think Ive told the majority of my friends that I have aspergers. As for acquintances, most of them dont know, that I know of. I am aware that it might have gotten out a little bit however Im unsure how much its gotten out. Cause my friend who I told recently already knew from someone else. I suspect 1 of my friends mighta told her bf which In really hope she didnt but oh well. Its not something that bothers me cause my schools relatively accepting. Most people probably dont really think about it.

Yet I do get a little concerned here and there. I told my RL friend over fb chat most recently. It was quite nerve wreaking not know quite how he took it cause I couldnt see his reaction. I think knowing my aspergers mighta helped him understand me, Im not quite sure.

In general most people are surprised by my diagnosis

Honestly I'm glad I didn't have a label until I was older because I would used AS as an excuse for everything myself like other people do. I have tried talking with people dxd as a young child and they like to blame everything on the AS, even stuff all people have problems with. Most everyone has had a boss that's a jerk and a job they hated, gotten made fun of, hates some random annoying stuff that people do, gets blown off by friends sometimes, etc.

I am however, thankful that my mother told me in high school. I was very angry at first because the pamphlet she gave me seemed to indicate she thought I was just a heartless ##@tch incapable of empathy--like wow, mom, thanks. However, when I decided to accept it I a) finally felt relieved to know why I had always felt "broken" and b) used online descriptions and forums to look at myself critically and improve. I didn't realize how bad some of my behavior was and important "in-style" dress was. I didn't accept that all my friends had birthday parties and spent all summer together out of school and just didn't invite me (thought they were too poor/ parents wouldn't let them). I learned that roommates stew silently over stuff and get angry at me for being a bad roommate, thus why they kept moving out when I thought things were fine. So I make an effort to communicate more for their sake.

I used to complain bout everything that bothered me (and others) in a bad attempt to socialize and it made everyone really not like me. My parent's friends did that all the time, but of course that was good friends talking in private or someone using me as a therapist when they didn't care who they talked to. Not good "making friends" or coworker conversation. Now I do my best to be amicable and positive. I have learned from online how make a point of asking people questions in convo to get them talking about their interests, and end all my replies with questions to keep a convo going. Even though I don't really care, NTs usually don't really care about what your dog can do either--that is just how socializing works. While I don't really have good friends I have people who are nice and talk to me or invite me along to things when they run into me,don't get made fun of anymore, and have done things like get my own place instead of moving constantly in hopes of better "luck."

No I am not afraid of being found out. I keep my label a secret but if people figure it out I could have it, they have figured it out. But I doubt they are going to confront me about AS so they will never find out I was diagnosed.

No, I don't anyone because I don't think it is relevant. If someone were to ask then I would have no problem telling them that I am an aspie.