Why aren't you smiling???! !

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Thank you 314159. NT's response brought up an ire in me that I could not quite get a fix on and you put it perfectly in the slug. I really hate being told how simple things are, like the cure for being depressed is "cheer up!"
I'm told I'm intimidating when first met but now at this job for 3 years they are used to me so I am sort of able to 'act normal' at work, I'll even joke once and a while but if there's a bad whiff in the air, I go poker face and they don't come to my office all day. I am sooo not anxiety ridden, for me it's mostly that I have a hair trigger that I try to hide. The best I can do is keep a poker face and verbalize in the affirmative.

Now back to Chainsawswinger;
The difference between lies and tact I get (some hard lessons learned there)
I do understand that you are trying to be helpful but here's at least my thinking when I hear the superfluous verbage you advocate. (and I do know that it is considered 'just being polite' to NTs but to me it's a waste of energy.

Example -
Retail Sales Associate: "Hi, how are you?"
You: "Good." (Lie 1) Right! we all know that and we keep doing it. I do it under duress, mumbling.

Example -
You're with a date. You really, really want to eat at Sushi Bar.
Date: "So what place did you have in mind?"
You: "Well, I was thinking of this new sushi place - the food's supposed to be incredible. But I'm open to suggestions. What are you in the mood for?" (Lie 2)
Yeah, and you just told the guy that if he's a wife beater, you're up for it because you have no opinions of your own. Well, I'll get right on that wishy washy crud.

Example -
Your kid shows you a messy crayon drawing.
Kid: "mommy/daddy!! Look at my ART!"
You: "ooooh, that's *beautiful*" (lie 3)
It's a KID give them a break, never ask 'what is it', Say "I like the colors!"
Kid: "do you think I could ever be famous one day?"
You: "Of course, doll!" (lie 4 & 5 ... one lie for the "yes", one lie for calling a human a "doll" )
Lie 4 is not a lie, I was told I would never amount to anything, you could at least say nothing, fact is, they actually COULD if THEY wanted to.[b]
Lie 5? I never figured out that names thing but I have to admit it does sound welcoming and in that it does appear friendlier than most although I could never do it.
See what I mean?
I get what you're trying to say, it's just that my brain reacts with logic before anything else.

I'm going to elaborate a little more on this. I do not worry about the facial expressions I show & I do not notice others expressions. I know other people notice things like that & from opinions based on em but if a smile is something that people can easily fake; why do people from opinions based on it sense there's a chance that the person is faking & so those opinions could be wrong Even if I did bother to fake an Innocent smile; it would only be a matter of time before I slipped up & when that happens I would run into the same problems I'm already having. I rather not worry about smiling at all & hopefully after people know me a bit; it won't be an issue instead of having it become an issue latter when I cant/won't fake it.

The info about the eyes being related to smiling could be of the things people notice with me. I have a very rare vision disorder(I''m very nearsighted, have some color blindness & light sensitivity) so it seems likely that my eyes may have an odd look about em at times like I may be squinting or looking out the corner of my eye or looking down with em when walking ect. If that is one of the things that people think is off about me; there is not much I can do about it unless I want to wear dark sunglasses's & walk with a cane or something but my vision is not THAT bad

I just don't see the point in why this is even an argument. I think that NT's are looking for encouragement or appreciation of some sort when talking or cracking jokes, and a smile or a laugh is their cue that they are appreciated or able to feel comfortable... which to Aspies it usually is unnoticeable and unimportant. But for an NT thats a welcoming sign. I agree with the fact that Aspies are minorities, but why is it that we Aspi's are the ones that have to relearn everything and attempt to fit in with the NT's. I think they should have psychs who teach NT's how to have a better social life with us.

thats just my view, Im tired of being called different or weird or akward... I am not, its everyone else

POSTED TWICE DANG!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpT8ic_wxm0[/youtube]

Figured the above video was relevant lol. Anyway Every time I'd go to take a picture they'd always say "Smile!... No smile. Smile bigger!" And I feel like a complete idiot so I goof around and do a ridiculous ear to ear grin. I honestly could never take pictures right. And my mom would always ask me "Hun are you feeling ok?" or "You look depressed. Is there something wrong?" etc. and I will reply "But I feel fine." or "I'm ok, really." Because I really am feeling fine. Sometimes even I'm having a great day. I only seem to smile when I find something funny or when I'm exceptionally happy.

The other day I was standing in the kitchen thinking about something and my mum started asking me what I was so p*ssed off about. I'm still not sure what she meant, I wasn't even angry about anything... until she asked that question. Ended in an arguement. It happens all the time. My face feels weird when I smile yet the people around me are always expecting me to do so.

The whole "Why Aren't You Smiling?" thing annoys me MORE than, "Why Are You So Quiet?"

I mean PEOPLE...MIND...YOUR...OWN...FRIGGIN'...BUSINESS

My favourite: "Cheer up, it might not happen!"

Once said to me by a complete stranger as I waited (by myself) for a concert to start that I'd been looking forward to for months, and was really excited about. I was SO happy until he said that. I shot daggers at him and snapped, "Maybe it f*cking already has!" so harshly he recoiled and skittled away sharpish. Ruined my whole night, the bastard.

I get that a lot, like what I am actually feeling does not match my facial expression so people are always wondering if I'm okay or if I am upset when in reality, I am just fine!

Yes, this means faking it, if for example the person's talking about something good that happened only to HER, or if you really don't find the person that funny. We NTs do a lot of acting.

what are you doing on this site ? acting like you have autism ???

I only smile when something makes me laugh or if I am very happy...otherwise I just see no reason to have a facial expression. Luckily most people leave me alone about it. COuld be that my sense of humor is well known and appreciated by some and hated by others.

As far as acting I find no damn use for it...I do fine socially, the otheres are at fault for making bold assumptions when nothing is wrong. If I need help I ask for it.

Yeah, I get that sometimes as well. I'll get "are you okay?" Me: Yes "Are you sure?" Yes, I'm sure. (Fake smile) I also get told that I looked peed off when I'm not smiling which I find quite true but hey, I'm not about to fake my life away. If I want to smile, I'll smile. I'm not going to paste a fake smile on my face and walk around like that all day like a crazy woman. haha One thing I am trying to do though is smile more when people approach me or say hi to me so I look more approachable and friendly.

Someone asked me this once and I told him to do something funny so I actually had a reason to smile.

When he asked me what I had in mind and I told him to get hit by a bus. Since that would make me smile... and perhaps laugh out loud as well.

Obviously the conversation didn't go that well afterwards, but if you're going to mind my business, be prepared to get a snarky comment back, since I'm not that charmed by someone minding my business. That said; I sometimes quite like some schadenfreude in my life... so my request wasn't all that unjustified IMO. I just needed some good entertainment.