Are we really missing out on much?

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i really do feel like im missing out. for close to 17 years if never had the fun of all these things and I'm scared to death of not being able to say I took part in "typical" things 13 or 30 years from now

Yes, I'm missing out.

I'm missing out on all the "drama" that my friends always seem to be dealing with. I'm missing out on ignorance - if I had more of a social life I'd be out drinking all the time instead of at home learning about topics that fascinate me. I'm missing out on pouring money down the tubes seeing movies that bore me and buying clothes that aren't "me", just to fit in. I'm missing out on sleeping around and getting STDs (I could never be intimate with someone I didn't have a LOT of trust in, and I like it that way.) I'm missing out on the fabulous opportunity to snub interesting, unique people because they're different from me. I'm missing out on having no connection to my non-NT mother. I'm missing out on such a fast-paced life that I forget to take joy in small pleasures.

I like missing out.

EDIT: Didn't notice when I wrote this that someone had already written a similar rant. Either way, I made different points, and they were mostly based on some NT "friends" I have.

"Finally, one of them has understood." -- Raiden, Mortal Kombat I

Yeah, I'm missing out. I so wish I could I could date the girls at my school. I so wish I could be listening to them go on and on about her half-retarded friends and American Idol and shoes every day. I so wish I could ask a girl what she thinks about Nietchzian philosophy or Socialism or Ultraverse Theory only to see her look at me like I'm crazy.

Yeah right. I want as little contact as possible with those white trash pieces of crap. NTs are the ones missing out.

I miss ou a whole load, HIV, drugs, smoking, spending money on cloth, worry over zits and pimples, using my braincells for stupid TV, commiting suicide because of not getting that boy/girl.
yeah right, instead I travel, see the world, I study on my own.
Who is missing out

Yes and No. Yes I'm missing out on some experiences, but many of the experience aren't things that I would enjoy anyway. What I enjoy I already indulge in - although most (no all) of the things I enjoy are solitary.

No, I pretended long enough in school to experience all that I thought I was missing out on, only to learn that it was all very boring, annoying, pointless, childish and a huge waste of time. I want all of those hours of my life back. Sure, I still crave friendship, but it's hard for me to make friends because I just don't like most people.

Its hard to say if we´re missing out, because we naturally are compelled to enjoy different things. So, we really truly say that we´re missing out, because we don´t like most of that stuff anyway. It´s like asking the person who is a die-hard fan of football if he´s "missing out" on loving baseball.

On another note, possibly contradicting what I just said, I do think that at first we are missing out. Missing out on friendships, relationships, experiences. But, in the end we gain more. A lot more than others can imagine once we figure everything out, and actually gain those friendships and relationships. Its hard to appreciate something that you´ve always had.

I remember reading an article once about a boy who escaped the genocide in Africa many years ago and came to America. They asked him something along the lines of, "aren´t you sad right now because of everything that you´ve been through?". And, he gave a reply which I don´t think that I´ll ever forget, which went something like, "sad? how could I possibly be sad? I have a roof over my head, I am out of a war zone, and I have three square meals every day. I could not be happier." This made me realize that here is a person who will always appreciate that which I have had for my whole life, infinitely more than I can ever imagine. I will never be able to appreciate three meals a day like him, nor a roof over my head like him. I can "appreciate" them, but never appreciate them like he will.

This is what I think that relationships and friendships for us is like later in life. Other people will never appreciate them as much as we will, nor will it ever be possible for them to understand how much we appreciate such things. Because these are things they have always had, and you just can´t appreciate something you´ve always had like the person who has never had them. Yes, its hard at first, almost impossible. Some of us don´t make it to see the day. But, maybe, just maybe, if you can hold on long enough to make it, you can find happiness that others can never imagine.

That was lovely.

I don't think I'm missing out on anything.

Last edited by Eller on 07 May 2007, 12:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

To be honest, all that most people do is hug each other, dry hump or something like that, and act immature.
Turns me off all the time.

Hell no! Any gratification that might be gained from being able to empathize and relate to others gets blown away by the sheer annoyance factor of it all. I have absolutely no desire to be like that. I want to see a therapist for some behavioral training so that I can act more natural around other people, but I sure as hell do not want to be "cured."

I do not think NT's have as much social abilitys and mind-reading skills as I had previously thought.
If I were better at expressing myself verbally I do not think I'd be missing out on much.

Actually, NTs don't have ANY mind-reading skills at all, and if you observe them carefully, you'll notice just how much of their conversations and social interactions go horribly wrong...

People say

"But it is wonderful being AS - because I'm a great system thinker."

I believe you can still be a great system thinker whichever tools you use in managing social and other aspects of your life.
The good thing is to use the right tool for the job; a jackhammer is a great tool for rock-breaking, but it is simply the wrong tool for oil painting.


"But it is wonderful being AS - because that is what I am."

I disagree. You are not AS. That does not define you. AS and NT are channels people use in relating to the world. Neil Young is Neil Young whether he's using a heavy electric band or a solo acoustic guitar to relate to his audience.

I find it sad that so many people bind up their identity in their AS - and thus trap themeselves in it. People don't say 'I am a stammerer', they work to get rid of the stammering tendency.


"But it is wonderful being AS - because we have better lives than NT's."

I think this is a defensive posture you don't really, way down, believe.

I think AS systemising is a bad thing when used for socialising; it causes difficulty and hurt to us and our loved ones; it makes life harder, more lonely, and more hurting. Can anyone really argue that AS tendency people have better relationships, more empathy, more sharing, more joy, more support, than NT's?

"I just really don't want to change - I'm satisfied with where I am."

Absolutely understand - you may have been on a long journey to find the relatively satisfactory place where you now are - but there may be a better way, if/when you find a positive moment (see e.g. site below).

Very, very best wishes

Not better - but not worse, either. You make it sound like the only way of being happy is to behave like a NT person, but I haven't heard ONE good reason as to WHY. There is no reason to assume that all Aspies are lonely, sad people, and all NTs are happy with a healthy social life - that sort of categorizing is very "Aspie" in itself, so I doubt you found some sort of "cure"...