Has anyone else felt like social outcast/misfit?

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late bloomer, social outcast, severe social anxiety, few friends, takes a LONG time for me to warm up to someone, etc. I don't remember going out with friends not even once during high school... well, there were these couple of times right before i graduated, but still. yeah, i was the weird kid that either freaked people out or that, for one reason or another, people just avoided. i suppose i could be more of a "self-made" social outcast on some levels. not to mention ADHD to top it all off...maybe we should all just colonize the moon together. be a heck of a lot less stress.

I was going to write a post in here but it turned out to be long enough for a blog entry. I pretty much went through the same experience as everyone else. The difference for me was that I was usually the biggest guy in my classes, and was also extremely athletic as well. I played sports, and was usually picked first which meant that people used me when it would benefit them to do so, not because they liked me. I got bullied more on the emotional level by a few girls, but mostly other boys. It was hard for some people to bully me physically because I was ready to stand up for myself in that regard. There were occasions where I was able to isolate ring leaders in the bullying game I was in, and everything would stop for a while until a new leader emerged.

I've been told that O.C.D., which is no doubt associated with certain varieties of Autism, leads to anger management problems.

For me, I'd get into angry "fits" and have fights with my folks often.

Being also raised in a conservative Christian home(I'm not actually out of the house yet), I tend to gravitate towards atheism or agnosticism due to my situation.

I preoccupy my time by reading philosophy(to give me a purpose in life) and musing about the injustices in the world. There's a hole in my heart, and I seek to feel it by helping others and attempting to better this world.

Same feeling. And each day it seems to me that I'm even more alien than I thought. The list of my peculiarities has lengthened since I've decided to study myself through introspection and to compare the results with other humans... Aspergian (with maybe some more HFA-reminiscent traits) with schizoid characteristics, probably asexual, aromantic, with no real true friend, I feel like an observer rather than an actor of the world (hum, even the Observers in Fringe seem too much active in comparison with the state of sole observation and contemplation I would like to experience).
Eventually, it's that kind of "metaphysical" or profound difference with the other people, rather than its social implications themselves that kind of trouble me. Maybe it would be easier for me to be a real social outcast.
I ponder sometimes about all these things that are intrinsically embedded in the lives of the "normal" Humans and that I don't experience, or in a different or remote way ; it's really strange, eventually.
What troubles me is that if the things got not so bad for myself, because I have a good family and have had a safe childhood, I imagine that in different contexts it could have been horrible. I've not many memories of my first years at school, because I was apparently "bullied" or actively despised by some, for my peculiarities and my weirdness - I'm only sure of one thing, that it managed to bring my self-esteem even below its naturally low point -, but I deeply sympathize with those who have not had the same chance as me.

I've read thousands of Internet messages, dozens of books about each of my beforehand called "peculiarities", etc., and I have yet to find a testimony from someone that would be really like me... The other people fascinate me as well as they trouble me. For me, so many things are awkward - even my way of walking -, while they externally seem to be to "be in the world" with a kind of gracious ease !

Social phobia plus Asperger's? You bet.

Last edited by IndieSoul on 01 Aug 2012, 2:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

Exactly how I feel. I've never fit in properly anywhere I've ended up throughout my life, and I don't expect that to change anytime soon.

I know how you feel. I try to be "normal" but it seems like all my life, I've been the "odd" one out. I didn't have a whole lot of friends growing up and all my life, I just wanted to be accepted. And dating... don't get me started about how awkward that can be. LOL What made it more difficult was I didn't even know about A.S until about a few months back and I realized that it fit me to a tee. So believe, I know what you're going through.

Yeah, ... I was pretty much always picked last - if at all. Generally not invited to anything.
And ... years - decades -later - that's still about the same.

Yes, it's as though I'm on the wrong planet.

Sir yes sir.

I have always been an outcast, but because I'm friendly and polite to people I make friends relatively easy. The problem is that i'm a complete introvert and prefer to be alone most of the time studying or whatnot.

I'm sure most of the member here have at least felt like an outcast at one point. i've accepted being something of an outsider and having said perspective. Which many have found valuable at times. Over time you'll meet people that'll accept you warts and all. Those who won't aren't worth your time.

To some extent, yes I am. I mean during elementary and junior high I was an outcast with few friends. But it appeared to have turned around sometime during high school. It's then I noticed that there were people that had similar interests to me and at that point; the only thing differing from myself and them were the bouts of anger that would overcome me.

I have never been a person who fit in well.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that my presence seems to inspire hateful and barbaric acts in seemingly normal humans. I don't think there has been a single time in where I tried to get involved with a group of people where it didn't end with people joining forces to humiliate me in anyway possible and then the entire group deciding I was the problem and throwing me out. I have honestly given up on trying to find a place where I belong, and it's now gotten to the point where people are stalking me just to add to the humiliation.

This kind of stuff started in elementary school and has persisted throughout my life, I wish I could understand why people grow to hate me so much. I know I'm an opinionated person, but that's not a crime is it? It's not like I'm spouting hatemongering KKK stuff. I just don't understand. It's like there's some cryptic hidden rule I keep breaking that's equivalent to cardinal sin and no one will tell me what it is.

I've already tried to kill myself once because people keep doing mean and horrible things to me...I don't think anyone cared.

I've felt like that for the past 30 years

Absolutely. Got the teasing and ignoring. etc. I came up on a group of girls once at school and asked what they were talking about. I was informed that I wasn't "cool enough" to know. Don't know how they made that determination, but I bought it because I walked away without any more questions.

I've never felt like I fit in anywhere. I live in Texas, but was born and still have family in New England. When I'm here, I don't feel like I'm Texan/Southern enough. But when I'm in New Hampshire I feel TOO Southern. I live in a rural, isolated cultural void. I try to talk about some of my interests in art, music and film, and all anyone understands here is hunting and fishing. I'm a liberal agnostic, and I'm surrounded by fundamentalist Christian conservatives. I'm a baseball fan in a sea of NFL freaks. I could move to somewhere more friendly to my lifestyle and interests, but then I'm sure I'd just be held back by something else.