How Lonely are you? Try the UCLA Loneliness scale

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TenPencePiece
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18 May 2013, 10:51 am

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marshall
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18 May 2013, 12:57 pm

auntblabby wrote:

marshall wrote:

Thanks. I appreciate that.

prego

marshall wrote:

I just feel like I have to help myself better before I can really help others. I can try to do little things though. I think it's easier to meet people through a shared hobby than through aspergers meetup groups. I do better when I have something in common to discuss besides being a loner.

I helped myself by 1]being laid off from a VERY stressful civil service job that almost killed my health, 2]living out in the middle of nowhere amongst lots of trees and nature, and 3] joining wrong planet and finding others like myself. that last bit showed me that I wasn't the only one and therefore that I needed to love myself better, so I stopped eating bad foods, started exercising and taking better care of myself [regular hygiene, regular sleep hours, etc.]. when I looked better in the mirror I felt better about myself and I could smile at myself for the first time.
as for finding others to be with and share a common hobby, I wasn't so lucky- I have not found one person who is into digital audio restoration and organ music, so I continue to draw uncomprehending stares when I perseverate about my hobby/s at my aspie meetups. oh well. :oops:

Same here. That's why I think I need to cast a broader net to find people with similar hobbies. It seems like I have the easiest time talking to people who seem to be somewhere on the border between AS and NT. I know what you mean with the irregular sleep schedule. This is why I think I can't ever just live on SSI. I need some kind of part time job to force me to get up on time and maintain good hygiene but not something that's going to burn me out and leave me too exhausted to enjoy anything in the evening.

Colinn
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18 May 2013, 7:21 pm

32. I'm not even that lonely. Probably because of the making friends and understanding questions, that doesn't necessarily make you feel lonely. I'd like more people to enjoy spending time with, but it's not really a big grievance in my life.

auntblabby
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19 May 2013, 3:03 am

Mishra2012 wrote:

auntblabby
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19 May 2013, 3:05 am

marshall wrote:

This is why I think I can't ever just live on SSI. I need some kind of part time job to force me to get up on time and maintain good hygiene but not something that's going to burn me out and leave me too exhausted to enjoy anything in the evening.

if only we could think up of a way to make a living off of our respective hobbies. :idea:

auntblabby
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19 May 2013, 3:06 am

Nambo wrote:

Iam reading a book about loneliness at the moment, just read a part in which it mentions this test as if it is "THE" loneliness test. Has anybody read the article about loneliness and its dangers in the first post I posted?

yes, I read it and linked my email contacts to it. it resonated with me, for I had the exact health deficits described in the article attributable to chronically unrelieved loneliness [decades long].

marshall
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19 May 2013, 12:06 pm

auntblabby wrote:

marshall wrote:

if only we could think up of a way to make a living off of our respective hobbies. :idea:

I think the way our society functions is f****d up. If you only live on SSI you become stuck because on the bare minimum you don't have enough money to go out and do things to connect and impose more structure on your life.

hanyo
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19 May 2013, 12:14 pm

marshall wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

marshall wrote:

if only we could think up of a way to make a living off of our respective hobbies. :idea:

I think the way our society functions is f**** up. If you only live on SSI you become stuck because on the bare minimum you don't have enough money to go out and do things to connect and impose more structure on your life.

It's sad how many people I see that express the opinion that anyone on any kind of public assistance shouldn't have anything nice or be allowed to do anything fun.

For me nothing can make me regularly get up on time, have good hygiene, or leave the house regularly. If I were to even be able to get a job any job I got I'd quickly get tired of or no longer be able to handle and I'd just quit. I couldn't even manage to get to school regularly when I was a kid.

BN1111
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19 May 2013, 12:47 pm

36. Hmmm. :roll:

Just wrote a blog post yesterday titled: The Strange Impossibility of Making & Keeping Friends. Should have seen this quiz before then! If you'd like to read it, click the link below. :^)

Cheers~

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The Strange Impossibility of Making & Keeping Friends

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auntblabby
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19 May 2013, 4:34 pm

BN1111 wrote:

36. Hmmm.

Just wrote a blog post yesterday titled: The Strange Impossibility of Making & Keeping Friends. Should have seen this quiz before then! If you'd like to read it, click the link below. :^)

pardon moi, but I just read your blog and i'm wondering [in my typically clueless aspie way] how does one have a mate yet still be lonely?

BN1111
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19 May 2013, 5:06 pm

Very possible indeed. For one, the obvious - my hubby works in film and is often away on location (last year for 7 months straight. Right now, he'll be away until late August.) And then there is the less obvious - the fact that even though we were recently married, we differ on many things, don't share the same interests nor beliefs, and can't talk about anything I'm passionate about without it turning into some sort of argument. And I hate to argue, so what do I do but become mute, shut down, and become quiet. It's not easy. And though it would be easy for me to do and quite comfortable, I could make him my one and only friend, however that would be unfair to him and to me, dissatisfying, and create a lot of pressure. :^)

auntblabby
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19 May 2013, 5:11 pm

BN1111 wrote:

another dumb clueless aspie query from me- if you differ on key things to the point of contention, what is the basis [areas of mutual compatibility] of the marriage- animal magnetism? I believe that marriages [or partnerships in general] can be successful only if both partners are reading the same sheet music.

BN1111
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19 May 2013, 5:44 pm

Not a dumb query at all. And it's super complicated. We're working on it. But the one answer I can give with confidence is that we do truly love and care a great deal for each other. And when we're not discussing touchy subjects, we have a lot of fun and understanding. :^)

Who_Am_I
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19 May 2013, 7:06 pm

auntblabby wrote:

bored is a lot better than lonely. at least boring doesn't hurt.

For me it does, considering that if I get bored for long enough it tends to slip into depression.

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auntblabby
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19 May 2013, 8:38 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

bored is a lot better than lonely. at least boring doesn't hurt.

For me it does, considering that if I get bored for long enough it tends to slip into depression.

ok, my bad- I shoulda added "... as much."

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21 May 2013, 12:31 pm

I got 33 which feels about right. I often feel like I need someone to talk to or someone who would talk to me.
And I read the article, very interesting. Psychological states and reactions can lead to physical manifestations.

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