We as Aspies should stop trying to make friends/relationship

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I get it. You agree, but dislike sexist comments.

While it may seem like there is no hope, it is still possible to form friendships/relationships while being an Aspie. Being an HFA female, I cannot entirely connect with what you are saying as an Aspie male, but I understand what you mean.

I may be younger than you, but I've experienced a lot too. Lots of rejection from people who I thought were friendly to me. I eventually met my two best friends through group therapy intended to help me become social. I personally have not experienced rejection from another person on the spectrum, but it must be even harder for you that Aspie women rejected you than it would be in the case of NT women.

I think the reason why people reject you is because they don't understand who you are. When people don't understand something, they tend to run away and hide from it. This should apply to anyone, including you and me. I learned that people like you and me often engage in such behaviors because they are trying to hide a vulnerability and protect themselves from perceived danger, as my psychologist would say. It is unhealthy to stay in this self-protective state for too long as it may cause problems such as depression and feelings of loneliness in the long run. The self-protectiveness offers a feeling of safety, but people, including you and me, should be willing to take risks occasionally. After all, taking risks is the only way to gain or regain social confidence.

I recommend you find someone who won't reject you and start taking social risks with them first.

The only time I ever stopped trying to make friends was during the two years after my divorce. That was a time when I saw evil and treachery in every woman's smile. Then I met some Filipinos for the first time -- friendly, hospitable, guileless, and sincerely nice. They showed me how to live in the moment, and not dwell on the past or worry about the future.

So, when someone says something stupid like, "We as Aspies should stop trying to make friends", I have to respond with, "What do you mean 'We', kano?"

Rick, here are some great resources for you

1. Daniel Wendler - Improve your social skills.com
2. You could also check out the Asperger Experts who have lots of great blogs and tips
3. Marie Debuque -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVFVFuRL8QI

However two things to keep in mind:
1. Learning social skills isn't going to just make you popular to everyone
2. You still will have people reject you while others will think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread

Try going to coffee houses. Sometimes you can meet some cool peeps.

Rick, you shouldn't let ASD define your every action; yes, it creates a lot of difficulties in socially-focused endeavors, but they can be overcome. I'm not exactly NT, but my neurodivergence isn't so severe that I haven't been able to overcome my periodically crippling fear and struggle to talk to, much less befriend people. Honestly, most of the friends I've made were purely on accident; a good majority of those times there were video games present or someone I knew in the area that would be conversing about a topic I'd reflexively chime in on. Anyway, my point is this, don't create a negative narrative for yourself and an echo chamber for everyone else, it'll just hinder progress.

We're still human beings, and human beings are social creatures. We may lack some of the same social instincts that our NT counterparts have, but that doesn't mean we should give up on social interaction. You can give up on it if you want, but I'm not going to. I've made many friends over the years and people tend to like me. I'm saying this as someone who has lived with autism their whole life and has been diagnosed twice.

The biggest reason why people are diagnosed AS/ASD is due to lack of social skills.The Main difficulties that most people with Autism/Aspergers have are the fact that we are simply lack capability to make friendships/romantic relationships due to our social difficulties. I have come to the realization that relationships are a NT (non AS/ASD) thing and are not meant for us Aspies.

Last edited by rick42 on 09 Jul 2018, 10:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

So YOU have decided that the rest of us should stop trying to have friends or be in relationships?

Who the hell put you in charge? You do NOT have any authority over anyone's life but your own! Just because YOU find it more difficult than I to make friends and maintain relationships does NOT mean that I have to give up those friends and relationships I have put so much time and effort into just to make YOU happy.

Get over yourself; you are NOT the King Jesus of Aspies!

Personally I don't want to give up on socializing with people,however,I know my limitations as someone with Aspergers Syndrome and have come to realize that friends and romantic relationships are simply not meant for us.It's just sad and harsh reality.I have tried to build friendships for over 25 years and that failed,as I still haven't experience a true friendship. I have tried to asked women on dates for the last 15 years and have been rejected each and every single time. Didn't matter if it was a Extroverted NT,Introverted NT,a NT with another Neurological disorder besides Aspergers/Autism,and even been rejected by Aspie females.I see no point into continuing to try to build friendships or try to find a girlfriend,knowing I'm going to be rejected anyway, and the fact that success rate for us Aspies when it comes to friendships/relationships are very low due to our social difficulties.

I agree with Fnord. Don't think that you represent every Aspie out there and therefore think that you should be the only one speaking for them. It's just plain illogical. Also, don't consider yourself a "special snowflake" of all Aspies just because you have poor social skills. You are equal to all other Aspies and those on the spectrum, nothing more, nothing less.

Rick, one of my best friends was diagnosed with AS when he was a child and he makes me look like a bumbling idiot when it comes to social situations; I treat conversations like a puzzle and have to move around conversation topics like puzzle pieces to keep them more predictable. Nate, on the other hand, just does his own thing and it works. He's witty and charming and doesn't put a second thought into it. I have to carefully analyze a person or group of people before I can come up with anything witty. It varies from person to person, Rick. You can't speak for everyone and everyone can't speak for you; how one chooses to deal with their neuroses is up to them. If you don't want to invest time and energy in social endeavors, that's your prerogative and I can't fault you for that. But just for a second, entertain the thought of occupying a venue that may cater to your interests, if only just to indulge in them. More often than not, you'll find yourself in the company of like-minded individuals, NT and ND.

So, are you saying that the real message here is to be absolutely lonely? Cutting off our bonds with our beloved companions for the rest of our lives? Who's going to care for us when we get old?

I was just reading this Rick:

https://www.wikihow.com/Accept-Social-I ... ndividuals

You know what I say? f**k that. I've had a number of good friends over the years, and I've even come close to romance on a couple of occasions. Just because you're at a disadvantage doesn't mean that you should give up or that certain things aren't meant for you. You may feel that way, but I can assure you that's not the case.

I think that we shouldn't force relationships (of any kind) as in we shouldn't chase after people who don't want us. But if someone wants to be friends we should try meet their needs too. If someone is being considerate to me it's only fair for me to act the same to them.