Does it help to tell people?

Post Reply New Topic

I have never in my life told anybody about me having AS (the only people who know are my closest family but I didn't tell them, they already knew obviously because I was only a child when I was diagnosed).

For one thing I feel ashamed of having it. I have always felt embarrassed about it and just cannot bring myself to tell people.
Another thing is I'd rather people to take me as they find me. I want them to see me as me and not as a label. I may come off as quirky or odd, but I've met people who are quirky or odd, and my quirkiness doesn't make my AS obvious at all. People usually see me as a person with mild learning difficulties.

Most of the time, I don't think it's helpful. It could hurt.

There are some cases where telling people I'm close with has been mostly helpful. The ones who are very practically part of my life... Like my husband, my mom and my longtime friend and neighbour.

I have told many people where I have seen no benefit. I tend to want to make reality outside match my reality inside. But the problem is people's concepts. It messes the whole thing up. Some relationships have become unnecessarily awkward or even have crashed.

I was with two acquaintances that I really like the other day. They don't know. I think they do find me weird and awkward and a bit puzzling... BUT they kind of assume a commonality with me on most levels. I realised that if I told them that might go away. I like that feeling so I won't tell them.

That experience and some other experiences have defeated what is basically a compulsion to tell everyone I meet. I'm okay not always having a label that could be misinterpreted.

I'm not ashamed of being autistic at all. But I think I choose to avoid the baggage of other people's wrong concepts.

My family obviously knows I have autism. For the most part, I only tell people who seem trustworthy about my ASD. The main reason I don’t tell people initially is I feel like I can pass for NT and want people to like me. I just view my ASD as a super personal matter. I did tell this girl who I dated for a short time about my autism. But that was mainly because she was inspired to be a teacher by her brother who was on the spectrum.

No, it doesn’t help; I don’t even tell it to girlfriends and long term dates anymore.

I told to one ex before and she didn’t care about the topic at all; she forgot it next day. People just find the subject boring. lol

It's probably obvious to most people that something's up with me, so I'd rather they know what it is than come to their own conclusions. The problem is figuring out when/how to mention it without it being any more awkward than it has to be - I usually have only told people who have asked.

It depends on who you tell

Sometimes it will "hurt" you to tell someone

Sometimes it will "help" you to tell someone

Sometimes no impact

Who are you "helping" and what are you "helping" then do?

Mussolini was "helping" the Gestapo



And how you tell them

Context

Choice of words

Type of relationship

Actions

In my experience

Pros to self-disclosure (aka "coming out" if you like that phrasing):

* People may be more openly communicative with you
* People may be more forgiving
* People may be less likely to assume that your behaviors are the result of mental illness and may give you the benefit of the doubt, so to speak
* You can discuss Autism and raise awareness

Cons:

* The above rarely actually happens. People will be slightly kinder, but if you're looking for close relationships, people will like you if they do and not like you if they don't...the dx may be less important than you think.
* They may start to infantilize you (if they were not already doing so...)
* Your behaviors may be judged: are you really autistic? How can you have autism?
* They may see you as defective or "other"
* Negative stereotypes

Yada yada... in my experience, ASD self-disclosure has minimal effect. My friends don't care, and neither do my not friends!

I typically only do so for intellectual reasons when discussing Autism issues or if I feel like I need to, to avoid being labeled worse (creepy, mentally ill, rude...etc. Keep in mind though that people may still perceive this about you even if they're aware of the dx, if they're not too familiar with ASD/your version of ASD).

Probably not *at a job interview*. Unless you only want to work at autism friendly companies, and you're screening for that.
Other than that, you do you.