Truths about socializing that no one tells you

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Oh I don't like gossip either, but she's summed them up well.

If someone gossips about someone else to me, I stop telling them anything about me or my family. Those who gossip to you gossip about you.

I don't hang around with gossips. You don't have to accept it. There are good people out there. Better people. Ditch the gossips OP. They are not real friends. You don't have to accept that in friendship.

But I like the attitude that you accept such pigs exist and it's better not to get riled up at them to the point where it disturbs your own peace.

I must say though. If someone does start talking badly or nastily about someone in front of me I shut them down by changing the subject and not engaging them in that subject or by saying directly that I don't want to talk about X person like that. People know not to gossip to me.

I'm not that pragmatic, I wouldn't not be friends with someone just because they gossipped, and gossip isn't always a bad thing.

I have a good friend at work and we often gossip about others, but not in a bad way. Gossip is part of life. Even my own family gossips about each other, and we're all very close and loving to each other. We just do it without realising.

This I agree with 100%.

I also agree that gossip is one of those things that exist whether I like it or not. I also think it’s perfectly understandable to feel insecure. I don’t think I’m better than anybody else because gossip isn’t for me. I just express my insecurities differently. It’s okay to disagree. I’m no expert on the matter.

But you're never mean-spirited and with some of the people and stresses in your life I can't imagine not needing to share.

Gossip is probably the very first sort of conversation archaic hominids ever had. It's as 'normal' as using physical affection to form and reinforce social bonds.

I thought you were talking about the special ed system, that's why I was discussing it in terms of systems.

Gossip
also makes it easy for those given to malice, to slander (lie)... and have it be accepted.

It is surely considered a sin?

I gossip a lot

An observation that seems to be unaccounted for; it's about psyching people out -- good and bad.

My own social truth and motto is this;

Body language? Empathy? They're as basic as literacy and writing in terms of learning social skills.
Cultural knowledge and attitude? Social dynamics and contexts?
Heck, even statuses between parties, respective habits and value systems.

They're all just a means to an end, just like how words themselves are tools to the readers and writters.
At least that's how I see it. The rest are just bonus to me to honor and appreciate.





1. Is true depending in the occassion.
Especially for certain positions where one had to be a bit intimidating and a bit more approachable than the other.
How to be approachable, yet guarded enough not to mess with you.
Then there's a matter of allegiance.

2. Yes. They're a decent source of info if you get lost or trying to find something. It's better than nothing.
Still, it requires discernment. The longer the gossip chain, the more distorted the tale from the original.

3. Ah, yes. First impressions.
It can still be broken though if you know what you're doing and if there are those around you who can back it up to the contrary.

4. It depends.
It's like asking yourself if you should waste your energy over some stranger's flight, joy or slight that had nothing to do with you.
It's also like asking yourself if you want to give away your power to someone you don't even want in your life.

5. A matured person knew that one can never please everyone and appease everything.
To say 'don't let others judge you' is more of a matter of emotional regulation to make it, or a psych play to play tug or war in your head with -- see #4.


How I wish I can wield words well enough, to put everything I've learned and sensed into words anyone can read.

Overall, the observations' good. Just keep it up. There are more long way still.

I gossip a lot but asPepe Said to 'compare notes' or share things by example which cannot do another way.
Because intricacies (details) are the real place where we can fall short n mess up (as humans not just ASD type) and patterns from accumulated stories/anecdotes over time help paint a clear picture.

There is usually a fine line between gossiping and backbiting (sometimes a very bold obvious line) and gossiping makes it seem easier to slip into backbiting. Telling the truth but in a way that you would never want the person u talk about to hear is what is called backbiting in my religion and considered wrong. However I KNOW much of what I say I wouldn't want to say in front of that person.


Gossip
also makes it easy for those given to malice, to slander (lie)... and have it be accepted.

It is surely considered a sin?

Sighes.....? Thinks some hominids in society still seen somewhat archaic , in moderntime. But their gossip is not always in a good way . Inspite of it being normal ?

You may have answered your own question you posed

I have a few things I've realized over the years about social skills, that people tend not to tell you when speaking didactically.

1.) Being a good person has less to do with being well-liked than one would think. Charisma, conversational skills, and self-confidence go much further. Make no mistake, being selfish, petty, or cruel will only serve to make you a lot of enemies and has no benefit in and of itself. Don't sacrifice your moral compass because it "doesn't matter". But bear in mind that being half-decent some of the time coupled with good social skills and high charisma goes way, way further than keeping to a solid moral code but being socially awkward. Most people will deny that they like charismatic but slightly sh***y people better than kind, socially awkward people. Most people, I think, are in denial.

2.) Gossip isn't necessarily malicious. It hurts like Hell to know that others are talking s**t about you. The fact of the matter is that even though it's sh***y behavior, it's also near ubiquitous behavior. I don't approve of it, but people mocking something stupid you did the other day doesn't necessarily automatically mean that they hate you; it means that people like to gossip and they likely don't think that what they're saying will get back to you. It's thoughtless, petty behavior, but bear in mind that it's frequently behavior borne out of indifference and carelessness rather than intentional malice.

3.) Social inertia is a thing. First impressions matter because they frame the way we see people later on. Someone who has a reputation for being confident and charismatic can get away with much more outrageous behavior, and it will be seen as self-aware humor rather than a sign that they're weird. For example (this is graphic, so steer clear if you get grossed out easily) once in my Spanish class, a gregarious and outgoing girl gave a graphic recollection of getting her fingernail dislocated and having to have it re-embedded in her finger. Then she offered to show us pictures. This was taken as a hilarious joke. If I had done something like that, the response would have been different.

4.) Most people like to think that if they don't actively hate anyone else, that's fine. They're not being harmful. All I can say is that there's a reason why "the opposite of love is indifference" is an aphorism.

5.) No one is really good at understanding others. There is no "universal human code of behavior". Social boundaries and practices vary from person to person and group to group. Because of that, rote training in social skills can only go so far. Most people can generally tap into the boundaries and atmosphere of the group or situation they're in. We typically cannot, and very little "book reading" about socializing can necessarily solve that. Humans are also prone to misunderstandings. Don't let others judge you and take their word about you over yours, period.