How many close friends do u have?

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i have quite a few close friends, about 4 i know in person, and 3 close online friends.

I have one very close friend, and that is all. I do not even know the names of many kids in my grade, and I go to a very small school, where everybody knows everybody else. I leave the world alone, and the world (mostly) leaves me alone, and I am totally fine with that.

I've always had just one close friend. That person is my husband now. But since I've become a mom, it's forced me to get involved with other moms and I've developed a handful of rather close relationships. It wouldn't have happened if my daughter wasn't so social. She has a group of friends that have to do everything together. And my daughter is teaching me all the proper social stuff so moms are treating me differently now. Stupid things like don't eat in the car (people might see you and get grossed out), always have clean hair and makeup on before you go out the door (otherwise people might see you and get grossed out), don't ask deep questions - EVER! Wear things that other moms wear (not my favorite 70's t-shirt), and basically don't stand out. Don't try to make jokes, and definitely don't laugh at your own jokes, etc. Don't say off the wall stuff. She's really helping me understand what other's expect. I used to resist it, but now I realize that it gets me what I've always wanted: anonymity.

NowIthinkIgetIt,

Nice to see that you're fitting in but sad to see that you're forced to change/hide in order to do so.

gbollard Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:29 pm Post subject:

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NowIthinkIgetIt,

Nice to see that you're fitting in but sad to see that you're forced to change/hide in order to do so.


Dear gbollard,

That's what's weird, I wanted to be invisible before, but I stuck out. Now, I am invisible so I feel safer. I'm not changing who I am, but I have changed how I appear to others. It's not like I'm joining their social groups, but at least I'm not targetted as someone to gossip about. Part of this desire to change came about because my daughter was getting harassed by other girls. Some of the moms were assisting their daughters in becoming "queen bees." Since I was one who ignored them, or didn't say anything when they did things, they would attack my daughter to improve their position in the clique. It got to the point where the elementary school principal got involved because he thought my daughter was into internet porn (in 3rd grade??) My daughter's response, "GROSS, I don't even want to look at myself!" When I heard that, I emailed him back with all the details about what was going on. He reprimanded the girl and her parents and made sure that that girl wasn't in my daughter's class the rest of her time in elementary school. That mom has never apologized, and she even called me to play "dumb", but I mentioned that character assassination could become a legal/financial issue so I encouraged "those involved" to stop attacking my daughter. Now they leave me alone and my daughter isn't treated poorly. But through that, I found a few moms who are genuinely nice that I don't mind talking to (although I probably wouldn't do anything with them if it wasn't a mother-daughter activity). I guess what I mean in a nutshell is that I've learned how to change some of the things that I've wanted to change about myself.

Oh, I think I can see where you're going....

Just be careful. It's very very draining trying to keep up appearances and, if truth be told, there are some really terrible people in the NT world.

It's so hard to sort out the real/genuine people from the pretenders - particularly if you're being a pretender (albeit for different reasons) yourself.

yeah, that's why I wouldn't consider them true friends. And I never would have even tried to make their acquaintance if it hadn't been something I felt cornered into. But, now they are something more than casual aquaintances. Gbollard, do you have kids?

Yes, I've got two boys;

One aged 7, so going into Year 2 at School - He's been diagnosed with Aspergers and is a bit quirky but really good fun too. He's got a few friends but at the moment they seem to need him more than he needs them.

The other is aged (4) and is in his last year of Preschool. He's been diagnosed with High Functioning Autism but I suspect that it's probably just Aspergers - we won't know until he gets older. He's terribly destructive but I think he's just very bored.

I'm aspie myself.

Nevermind Gavin, I just realized that your name is printed on your posts, and your hyperlink tells all about u. Sometimes it seems like I'm not an Aspie because most Aspies seem to be really quick-minded and notice everything. I'm so opposite. I'm trying to get diagnosed right now, but all the online tests I've taken say that I am very likely an Aspie.

Hi Gavin, Now I remember why I asked you about kids. I've really changed since becoming a parent. Things I wouldn't care about before, I do now because I don't want my daughter disadvantaged because of me. She's the first person I ever truly fell in love with. And that "mama bear" protection instinct has really changed me and made me want to change. I'm wondering if it's the same for you.


Michelle

Hi Michelle,

The parental instinct is amazing. You'd never think that a baby could make such a difference - but it does.

My kids are pretty much my life now.

The thing is, since my kids aren't Neurotypical, I'm changing in the opposite direction - I'm being more open about my differences in order to make them understand that they're a normal part of nature and that you don't necessarily have to fit in.

Gavin,

I can tell that ur a great dad.

I'm still learning....

You sound like an exceptional mum.

So, do you have some tips on how to determine pretenders?

Unfortunately not really - I wish I did.

My wife recently got caught. One person who was a good friend of hers moved house - only one suburb away from us - but enough to be in a "snobby" part of town.''

She suddenly cut off all ties with my wife and started being quite nasty to her for no reason.

I was completely fooled - she seemed so nice for so long.

I'm sorry to hear that happened. About the only thing that I've figured out about detecting 'pretenders' where I live, is to see if the friendly new person is selling something. So many women sell stuff out of their homes; they really want my ATM pin#, not my friendship. But as soon as they know I'm not interested, "Poof!" They're gone!