Saying someone's name, or mentioning it.

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RoisinDubh
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27 May 2009, 9:46 am

HOLY. CRAP.

People have pointed out for years that I don't address people by name....EVER. The only person who never considered it odd is my mother (who was raised with an Aspie father, in a family FULL of Aspies) because she rarely if ever uses people's names, either.

I've tried over the years to force myself to call people by name, but it feels awkward, unnatural, and often confrontational. In fact, regarding the confrontational aspect, the ONLY time I am comfortable calling people by their (FULL) names, is when I'm telling them off for something.


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asplanet
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27 May 2009, 6:35 pm

I never use names or remember them until really get to know someone, partly this is because one of my other neurological differences is that I am also dyslexic and if I do not visualize, see the persons name I just do not remember, even if ask a few times... also have problems with even recognizing new people for a while..

The times I say you know... Read more that person, or other statements to get around saying names that I just do not remember.... but people who know me know it the way I am, and I do now at least have the confidence now to say I simply can not process names straight off, but after asking most people 3 or 4 times they don't really understand...


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greenturtle74
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27 May 2009, 7:42 pm

I can call people by their name over the phone, but not to their face.



Landon
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27 May 2009, 8:24 pm

I also have trouble addressing people by their names to their face, especially if they have a nickname, or I don't know exactly what to call them.

I have a good friend named Matt, who I've been friends with for like 4 years. I don't think I've ever called him by his name, because his other close friends call him Matty, and I don't know if I should call him Matt or Matty. I'm weird like that.

I don't have a problem calling people my their name if I'm talking about them and they're not there. It's only when I'm actually talking to them that I can't bring myself to use their names. Actually, I think the only people I call by their names are my mom and dad.



MrKnott
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27 May 2009, 10:32 pm

I have a tough time using the appropriate tone of voice when saying a person's name (except with familiy). Since I am a teacher this can cause a lot of problems. Too often I do not address students by name. Some have thought I had forgotten their names--this not completely true, but names seem to slip my mind when I am thinking about something. I also have trouble connecting names with faces. If I feel just a bit of doubt, I won't say the name. Frequently, I call people, even family, by different names. Some people read too much into this I think, and apply some half-digested Freud (or is Fraud?). Something else: if I see a person out of context (a co-worker at the mall, for example) I have trouble remembering the person's name.



elderwanda
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28 May 2009, 4:30 pm

Nothing like bringing back a four year old thread. :D

I'm like this too. In fact, it reminds me of something I had long forgotten. When I was a little kid, I called my mother "Mommy". At some point, I realized that most other kids I knew called their mothers "Mom", and that "Mommy" was just for babies. I could NOT bring myself to address her as "Mom" because I was self-conscious that she would notice that change. So, for years, I didn't call her anything at all.

I still rarely call anyone by their name, and I NEVER just sprinkle their name in a conversation. You know, like, "Well, I was thinking, Mary, that you ought to plant some lavender by that fence." There's always this little part of me (big part, sometimes) that worried that I'll get the name wrong. And it just feels weird to say it. Then again, people rarely call me by name, either.

I still remember saying, "Hey!" to get my first grade teacher's attention. She said, "My name is not HEY", and that made me feel so scared and nervous inside for some reason. In fact...this is weird....but I just ran into her last year. My first grade teacher was teaching at my sons' school, thirty years later, and was getting ready to retire. They had a picture of her, looking like she did 30 years ago, and a description of her career, so I knew it was her. I went up to her and introduced myself. That turned out to be one of those instances where I get all shaky and nervous while talking to someone, for no good reason. Hopefully she didn't notice. Ha ha!



SweetEvilCindy
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28 May 2009, 5:07 pm

I feel like I can't address people by their name, for some reason. Now, I realize, it is in fact the same thing that everyone else is talking about.


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Last edited by SweetEvilCindy on 28 May 2009, 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hummys
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28 May 2009, 6:04 pm

Wow I thought I was the only one with this problem. I have never been able to say people's names when addressing them or talking about them. I dont know why. It's nice to know Im not alone with this one, though.



SweetEvilCindy
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28 May 2009, 6:13 pm

Is this an Aspie trait? I've had this for as long as I can remember.


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SweetEvilCindy
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28 May 2009, 6:15 pm

When I want get someone's attention, I usually walk up to them and say um ....... and once I get their attention, say what I want to say. I really thought I was the only one that ever did this.


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