Please read (and maybe reply) if you have an NT friend!

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ghostofzoelund
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21 Mar 2008, 5:08 am

MissConstrue wrote:
There's sum other friends, I guess I would consider them acquaintances, who I don't feel comfortable telling. I don't think they'd understand or educate themselves about it. I also worry that they may put a subconscious label on me if it would deal with the word autistic.



That's a concern I have as well. I got diagnosed in my late twenties, so I'd known most of my NT friends for years before I got my diagnosis...it feels like opening a can of worms to talk about, go through the whole explanation of what it is, when all the time maybe all they're hearing is "autistic" and whatever associations they have with that word...I know they may not understand, or even deny I have it, it makes me tired just thinking about it, but I know I'll do it eventually, because I can't really keep things from my friends for too long, and I need to be able to talk to them openly when I have problems.

The closest I've gotten to telling someone is the guy I'm dating, he knows I have some kind of "issue", but he doesn't know what it is, he was trying to guess, and got to bi-polar before I made him stop. He did tell me, though, that he doesn't care what I have, it's not going to change the way he feels. So I'm not too worried about him not accepting me, just not looking forward to explaining everything to him.



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21 Mar 2008, 9:55 am

I just said it casually like it was nothing. I really didn't want to explain what it was when asked. I told her it was on the autism spectrum. She didn't believe me at first and it was a little complicated to explain. She's been I guess accepting about it. She still calls me over to hang out.



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21 Mar 2008, 10:14 am

I was recently chatting with a friend of mine from high school on myspace. I felt I could trust her enough to tell her what I had and what it was. That was back in January and she wasn't responded since , even when I sent her another message. I know she still gets on because her last login date stays up to date. She must not want to speak to me anymore because of what I am. Oh well, her loss. :roll:


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Puck_The_Trickster
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21 Mar 2008, 11:09 am

Most of my friends ae NT...Actually all of them =3

I have only told a very select few about me being Autistic, and I have been careful about who I chose to tell. I don't always tell my best friends, but the ones I know are understanding and good at keeping secrets. So far I have gotten three different reactions, One was instant shock and the person started treating me like a lesser person...I don;t hang out with him anymore. One person I told understood, and was caring and nice about, and another few people just denied I had it, and basically ignored it.



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21 Mar 2008, 12:56 pm

I was diagnosed when I was 5, but found out when I was 14. At first it was hard for me to accept, but now I'm okay with it. I've told a few of my close friends. Once I've explained it I've gotten many different reactions, such as "oh, I don't think you have that!" "I'm glad you told me, I wouldn't think you'd have that if you didn't say anything" or "wow, that makes so much sense!"

If you want to tell people, make sure they are understanding of it. Always tell people you are living with, bosses, etc. Good luck!

How does everyone explain it to people, by the way? I've tried a few things, but what do you do?



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24 Mar 2008, 7:34 am

Social_Fantom wrote:
I have an NT step-brother that I now kind of consider a friend. I told him one time that I had AS but he kept asking, "Why can't you just quit being that way and be normal?" He could not grasp the fact that I can't just "turn it off." Of course, I can't expect him to understand anyway. He once said that he didn't know what diagrams and schematics have to do with blueprints, and he is pursuing a career in engineering!!

That scares me.... :pale:


Oh sorry about that. He should learn way more about autism to understand you better. I don't know how you can cope with him if he's so mean to you about your AS.

You're right, it is worrying about the blueprint thing. I personally have no idea what you're talking about, but I have no intention of becoming an engineer. If I was I'd probably want to learn things like that.


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mightyzebra
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24 Mar 2008, 7:38 am

pinkbowtiepumps wrote:
I was diagnosed when I was 5, but found out when I was 14. At first it was hard for me to accept, but now I'm okay with it. I've told a few of my close friends. Once I've explained it I've gotten many different reactions, such as "oh, I don't think you have that!" "I'm glad you told me, I wouldn't think you'd have that if you didn't say anything" or "wow, that makes so much sense!"

If you want to tell people, make sure they are understanding of it. Always tell people you are living with, bosses, etc. Good luck!

How does everyone explain it to people, by the way? I've tried a few things, but what do you do?


I guess I just tell them I have something called Asperger's Syndrome that makes me different from other people. That way people can understand what I've just said even if they don't know about AS.

Thanks for your advice. :) Oh and thanks for everyone's advice too. :)


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weather1man
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26 Mar 2008, 11:07 pm

Nope. I'll just say I'm shy and a social clutz, NTs understand and relate to that better than saying you have "AS" and explaining what that is for a typical......"oh".... followed by an awkward silence.


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27 Mar 2008, 7:32 pm

I have, and although there are some rejections, the acceptions are so worth it. I feel so free that I'm not hiding it.



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29 Mar 2008, 8:30 pm

Since finding out I have it, I made the decision that I wasn't going to hide it from people I was close to. I first made sure to have information collected that wasn't too overwhelming but had basic info about what aspergers is. I made sure not to act like its a huge deal when I told them because I didn't want them to worry for no reason. First thing I did was mention that I have something called aspergers syndrome which is a high functioning form of autism. Then I explain some of the traits I have from it and that I have some information about it if they're interested. Usually they want to read the information I gathered and then afterwards I tell them if they have any questions feel free to ask anything.


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30 Mar 2008, 6:29 am

I eventually tell everyone I know... it just takes longer I suppose. I was dx'd at 12, but my parents didn't want to tell me because they were worried about how people would treat me. Even to this day my mom refuses to adnowledge she knows I have it, she just tells me I'm 'eccentric'. And she refuses to have my brother tested, and he's DEFINITLY on the spectrum.

I told one of my old bosses about 5 months after working there, and all she said was, 'oh, that explains so much.' Apparently they covered it in sensitivity training at her old job or something like that. I try not to tell bosses, I don't want them hearing, 'it's a form of autism' and firing me thinking I'm off my nut.

My ex never bothered to try and figure out what autism really was, so he never got why I get the way I do. New BF knew lots of spectrum kids though, cause he was in SpEd in school, so that works for me. And my last job, I never told them I had AS, but my boss knew right away cause his older bro is autistic. SO when I had a meltdown, he just showed me a game and walked off so I could play the whole shift away! *need more people like that*

Usually when I tell people, and explain the symptoms and such, they understand more, and they get curious and ask questions. I do have one friend though who no matter how hard I try keeps buying into that whole vaccine BS. Shes so scared of getting her kids shots... I don't get it. And she doesn't think I'm autistic cause I never got shots until I was about 6, but whatev. Most of my friends are cool with it, only one who thinks I'm nuts.



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30 Mar 2008, 9:39 pm

I've told a grand total of 4 people, maybe. Best friend, her sister, their mom and another friend. To them it explained my past oddities and helped them help me out a bit as I can't read people for jack and I don't pick up on hints very well so I asked my best friend to make it known when I don't take any hints she gives me.

I wouldn't dare tell anyone that I think would treat me differently afterwards such as my boss. My job already treats me as overflow for any jobs that come in (work for a computer place) that I don't need them treating me differently than any other employee. Although it would be nice to use whatever federal/state laws are on the books to my advantage if there are any.



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31 Mar 2008, 6:40 am

Have them read the Autism books.

Tell them you're a little absent minded.

Say you have a mild learning disorder.

Say you had a rough childhood.

Good luck to you.



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31 Mar 2008, 9:08 pm

I [used to] have an NT friend.

We had been friends since we were 4 years old. She put up with me when I got mad at her for no apparent reason...she put up with me when I didn't feel like going out...she put up with the fact that I didn't like things that "most children" do.
When I got my diagnosis and told her though, her reaction towards me totally changed. She started to visit me less and eventually we lost contact altogether.


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06 Apr 2008, 12:19 pm

ebec11 wrote:
I have, and although there are some rejections, the acceptions are so worth it. I feel so free that I'm not hiding it.


That's good, although it must be different to have that MF whatever thing instead of Aspergers. I myself have never heard of it.


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06 Apr 2008, 12:20 pm

chella wrote:
Since finding out I have it, I made the decision that I wasn't going to hide it from people I was close to. I first made sure to have information collected that wasn't too overwhelming but had basic info about what aspergers is. I made sure not to act like its a huge deal when I told them because I didn't want them to worry for no reason. First thing I did was mention that I have something called aspergers syndrome which is a high functioning form of autism. Then I explain some of the traits I have from it and that I have some information about it if they're interested. Usually they want to read the information I gathered and then afterwards I tell them if they have any questions feel free to ask anything.


That's good advice, thanks Chella.


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