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zeichner
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23 Sep 2008, 6:04 am

Tahitiii wrote:
zeichner wrote:
But I have to say that when I make an effort to act NT, the people around me are more comfortable - even if I'm not. But when they are more comfortable, they tend to treat me better.
For a while. But it never lasts.

Hmmm - perhaps. I've been at my current job for 11 years & there have been some rough times - but, they (my employers) value my unconventional problem-solving skills, so that has helped a lot. Over the last couple years, I've made a conscious attempt to make other people comfortable around me (treat others the way they want to be treated) - and, in general, they treat me better in return. I don't carry it to extremes - but I do things like ask people about how they are, before I start talking about work.


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Tahitiii
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23 Sep 2008, 9:49 am

I tried all that. It never really worked.



zeichner
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23 Sep 2008, 10:51 am

Tahitiii wrote:
I tried all that. It never really worked.

I can totally respect that - we're all different (even for all the ways we're alike :D)


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So I will keep a deliberate pace - Let the damn breeze dry my face."
- Fiona Apple - "Better Version of Me"


ChristinaCSB
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23 Sep 2008, 12:12 pm

I wouldn't know how too.



AceOfSpades
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23 Sep 2008, 6:41 pm

Fact is, most of the people in this world are NT, so I have to adapt to it and learn how to communicate like em. It's just simpler.

Kinda like the English language. It's the most popular language, so people from countries that don't speak English should know some English. They don't need to forget everything they know about their own languages, but it's just simpler for everyone to know some English.



hale_bopp
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23 Sep 2008, 7:17 pm

I do it on a regular basis. It drains me though, and usually I have to sleep for a couple of hours.



elderwanda
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27 Nov 2008, 12:37 am

I've only recently come to believe that I have AS, and if I do, it's pretty mild, especially in the "how to act around people" realm. Then again, I have avoided social interactions for such a large chunk of my life at this point, that I really don't know. I think I come across as a quiet, 40 something woman. Who knows, though. Maybe I seem weirder than I think. That would explain why people treat me like I'm invisible a bit more often than necessary.


So, I never had any concrete feeling of trying to act a certain way (aside from high school when I tried to be Stevie Nicks). However, one incident does come to mind. About twenty years ago I had a best friend who was extremely social and outgoing. We became friends because she literally came to me when I was brand new in the area, and said, "Come with me. You and I are going to be friends." She was my safety net in the social world, and for her I was a kind of respite from all that stuff, and we were best buddies for years. Well, at one point, we worked at the same building, with the same people. She was so outgoing, and would walk into a room full of crusty old men, and say something like, "Howdy, boys! How'd y'all get so handsome?!" with a kind of southern charm. They loved that. Then one day, like an idiot, I attempted to say something similar. The room went quiet for a while, as everyone just looked at me, and then someone said, "What possessed you to say something like that?"

I guess I could name other incidents like that. I never thought of it as trying to be NT, but as trying to just be something I'm not.



Kaysea
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02 Dec 2008, 4:37 am

Every day. I've gotten to the point that I can usually pass for a NT who is too smart for his own good and who did way too many drugs when he was younger (the whole mad burn-out genious thing). Of course, to psych majors, I tend to stick out like a sore thumb.



protest_the_hero
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02 Dec 2008, 9:38 pm

Rowen wrote:
I've been trying to act NT my entire life and was always told by NT's I was ahem "different''. I realize that it's impossible, just like pounding a square peg into a round whole.
If the round hole is big enough...it can fit a peg of any shape. I really do think that applies to the acting NT thing, which I could never pull off.



1Oryx2
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07 Dec 2008, 9:29 pm

I've been trying this since I was 13 and I think I've gotten pretty good...at the same time I can only do it for so long.



AmberEyes
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19 Jan 2009, 6:04 pm

I've been told by my family to act "normal" and mix with other people just by "getting on with it". I can't just "get on with it" . If I could, I would.

The irony of this isn't completely lost on me. It's almost as if they expect me to correct all the socialising mistakes they made all those years ago.

I'm told to say that I've had a nice day even if I've felt suicidal.

Then I notice that they all act and put on chatty "masks" whenever they go out, so I thought that was what everybody did. They don't get all chatty at home at all. Some of their acting is painful for me to listen to and they don't even realise that they're acting. They call it being on their best behaviour.

I see nothing wrong with being polite and nice to people, but outright lying and denial, that's just taking it too far.



misswoofalot
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25 Jan 2009, 9:49 am

Quote:
Every day. I've gotten to the point that I can usually pass for a NT who is too smart for his own good and who did way too many drugs when he was younger


^ I can pass for an aloof bimbo ( even though I have a high IQ) but ppl sometimes ask if I used to do loads of drugs, or if I have been drinking alcohol, etc, usually if I have been speaking to them for a while ie over a few hours. lol



BellaDonna
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25 Jan 2009, 10:18 am

I've always thought I was NT. I don't think of myself as having AS. Alot of the times I have been the life of the party but confused because other times the loner walking down the street.

That what's always happened to me too. People take me as bimbo or like I'm a dumb blonde. I have been treated like that my whole life. Not that I tried to act that way but that is how people put me down. That has it advantages - playing dumb. People who know me well - think i do that deliberaletly and I'm being a little b***h - they can get fu**** :lol:



bookworm656
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26 Jan 2009, 1:48 am

I just found out that I have AS last year, and I'm a little confused: what exactly does acting aspie mean? I think I understand what acting NT means, although that doesn't mean that I can act NT. (I've tried basically my whole life, and I just never fit in and no matter how hard I try it seems like people can always tell that I'm different and decide that they shouldn't hang out with me or something)



misswoofalot
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26 Jan 2009, 4:13 pm

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That has it advantages - playing dumb


Yes I agree, people do tend to be nicer to you if they think you are a dumb blonde ....they can never believe it when I say I've got A'levels, have been to university etc.

They aren't horrible to me though, which is a plus.



Sallamandrina
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26 Jan 2009, 11:04 pm

I usually manage quite well - being polite and well mannered and smiling when you look at someone seems to work fine most of the time. So is pretending you're interested and hiding your boredom :twisted: . Small talk is also efficient if you can pull i through (it drives me insane).

In my experience, personal appearance is very important for NTs. If they find you attractive, you can get away with a lot (you're considered slightly eccentric or an artistic nature instead of a weirdo). Being successful in any area also brings some respect - at least you won't be seen as ret*d or inept.

But it can get quite tiresome and it doesn't work just as well if I'm stressed or I strongly dislike someone.


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