Trouble getting along with other Aspies

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I am only recently self diagnosed.

I asked an NT friend how he was able to 'put up with me' (the lack of eye contact, monologue, nuance blind spots......)

I was surprised to hear that 'putting up with me' is not what he has to do but that he thought I might find it hard to be sitting across the table from someone else like me.


Despite my avoidance of eye contact I find it quite uncomfortable if the person speaking with me is avoiding eye contact!

Given the relatively small number of Aspies in the general population and the tendency of some of us to undersocialize, I may not meet enough fellow aliens to allow me to get a picture of our spectrum that is remotely meaningful.

At least here we dont have to get stressed out over eye contact and if a post is rambling on we can just.................................

It has been quite a shock seeing myself, a forty something, in the mirror for the first time.

I hope that this gives me the good grace to be more accepting of everyone, including me.

Perfectly said, and I would pass this advice on to anybody who's newly diagnosed and wants to meet others aspies. I've found meeting other aspies to be a major disappointment- and I didn't even really have expectations! Either they're so insecure/weird that they won't even introduce themselves, or they're totally obnoxious and rude. Then there's the one in the room that always wears an enormous grin and never says anything or looks anybody in the eye.

I guess, it's better to look for folks you just click with. Or in my case, those who seem to show an interest.

Well, I've never found any to try with, but mom heard about this group that meets at White Spot in Victoria, like every wednesday night or something. She though maybe I should try to go to that, back when I had a car.

I was like, "No. I don't know these people. I don't know if they'll share my interests."

LOL so true! That's what an Aspie meeting I attended looked like. There's the one who monopolizes the conversation too, talking so much and so endlessly that I feel like subtly turning towards the window and puking out.

If you're the lucky Aspie who can find people to connect to for your mutual talents and not your mutual limitations, you've reached heaven.

I'd rather be alone than date a guy who'll never look me in the eye and who'll never have a clue of what I'm feeling or how to support me emotionally without me giving him a course each time. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. Emotional closeness is important to me and I'm not obligated to live with someone who can't provide it, just because I'm an Aspie. I take responsibility for my choice, I pay the price of being alone, and I prefer it. I don't consider myself obligated to like people with whom all I have in common is our weakest points. On the contrary, it may be easier to make it work with someone who can give an Aspie the much needed emotional support and have OTHER weak points that don't bother me. As an Aspie, I often like NTs that other NTs reject for what, to me, are silly reasons, such as he's not tall enough, he has a "weird" profession, he was raised in an orphanage, he's not on Facebook, etc. I believe in NT-AS relationships more than in AS-AS.

Hi Greentea,

I have read messages from a few members with similar view points to yours.

They seem to be what is loosely termed mild Aspie cases.

I would also group myself as mildly Aspie but none the less very much on the spectrum.

I can perform quite well socially (especially when it is business related) but I can also monopolize the converstaion for extended periods too and I too have to work on my eye contact (although less so in business situations)

The fact is that while some on our spectrum are less challenged than others we are all collectively 'different'/weird, which is why we generally dont have many friends and why we registered with this website.

I agree that our social preferences are likely be for those who are better able to communicate, whether on the spectrum or not.

If Aspie meetings are generally attended by those that you describe, it is probably sensible for you to find another forum for meeting; like here.

I have noticed a number messages by members who look to people like you (and perhaps me) to bring a different perspective to these boards.

I think I am lucky to be both intellecually gifted as well as a mild Aspie; some of our brothers and sisters are neither.

Life can be tough enough and has been unbearable for me at times.

I cant imagine what it must be like for some of those that you described.

I think they must be incredibly brave just to keep going.

Maybe we should celebrate our strengths and our diversity.

Blindspot, welcome aboard!

Mind you, I'm one of the most severely affected by AS in here. I'm almost 100% impaired in the ToM aspect of AS, a lot more than almost every other Aspie. I can't work, don't have contact with any kind of friend or family and haven't dated in many years. I'm one of the least functioning here.

Thanks for the welcome note.

It seems that you may be one of the Brave Ones that I was referring to in my earlier post!