Do Aspies actually care about people?

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This is basically a question of whether people are by nature altruistic, or if they generally act out of self-interest. It is such a broad question, that I think the AS/NT issue is beside the point.

Mark Twain discussed it brilliantly in his essay "What is Man?"

I don't think that AS makes it more likely that a person will act out of self-interest, since I think it's unlikely that anyone really acts out of altruism. Everyone acts out of self-interest, if you look deeply enough into their motives.

This is not necessarily a bad thing - if a person is kind to you, why should you care if they are doing it because it makes you fell better, or because it makes them feel better? And does it matter if they feel better because you feel better, or if they feel better because they made you feel better? (Or do you want them to get no pleasure at all from being kind to you?)

I disagree; genuine altruism does exist. There are documented cases of selfless behavior amongst animals, especially Chimpanzees (ie: going to the defence of the young of his/her species even when there is no blood relation).
I agree that AS has very little do with it though, only the expression of it.

I don't know.
Maybe we should take a closer look at what's really meant by "caring"?

I do care about others, I really do.
So do other members of my family.

I can offer comfort to people and care in a practical way.

All this "how did it make you feel?" thing has me and my family confused. It does seem a bit wishy-washy, blubbering and not very helpful to us.

We focus on "So what can be done about it?" and then have a joke to cheer them up afterwards.
I've often found that dwelling on a situation emotionally often makes me feel more upset about it.
I've found that doing something productive that I enjoy is the best cure and distraction from problems.
Taking steps to actively solve a problem also helps too.

My family have always offered me practical, but not overtly emotional support. We love and care in a practical way. We do feel love and we do care about others.
It's just a different approach.

It's definitely a different style of caring, from the "cry on the shoulder" approach.
Practical advice does work and definitely isn't wrong.
I have actually been praised for giving others practical advice and guidance over the years. I've helped lots of people and been thanked for it.


I believe that there are in fact two styles of caring:

-Practical caring (the kind I'm best at)

-Overtly emotional caring (the "cry on the shoulder" approach)


The first approach seems to be going out of fashion in the current cultural climate, which is a shame.

Really well said, Amber.

What kind of a question is this? Of course we care about people. We're just highly selective about who we care about, and sincere, instead of being fakey-caring about people we hardly know like NTs are.

Practical caring, in other words offering solutions to one's pain? I think I do this. I'm no good at providing emotional comfort. When my friend's boyfriend broke up with her over the phone I could not console her. When my ex-boyfriend cut his thumb I did not help him, I think I did kiss it better a bit later. And when a classmate's daughter was in a terrible accident I forced a look of shock on my face but couldn't say much.

Actually come to think of it I'm no better at practical caring too *sigh*
When people are hurt for emotional or physical reasons I just sit there motionless.

Not sure if I'm Aspie or not, but....

I care when I see people who have been good to me are upset, but the problem is finding a way to express that I care or help them out. I usually just leave them alone and wait for them to 'get over it'.

Empathy is not something I can muster up but I do agree with the question about 'wanting to care' and I think that's good enough. If you want to care then you do care but in your own way and by whatever name you want to give the feeling.

It's not so much that we don't care, it's just that we have trouble actually feeling the experiences of other people; especially when we don't understand what they're going through. We can be sorry for what you're going through and understand that something sucks. We can have Sympathy and Compassion. We can understand that you feel emotional pain and we can feel sorry for you, but we cannot feel what you feel unless we have experienced it ourself.

I wonder, though, is there any reason to believe that NT's can feel the experiences of other people? Nothing in my experience suggests that NTs can feel what I feel, or what others feel.

I care about aspies. I care about environment and the cosmos.

I do not care about NT persons like you.

I would say more in terms of practical advice or simply just listening quietly to what someone has to say. People have said that they have really appreciated me just listening and being there for them in the past. The method doesn't have to be elaborate to be effective.

Also practical caring as in helping people with the techniques required to finish an assignment. I don't do the assignment for them though! lol

Showing people the right places to go in the library, checking that equipment is calibrated properly and isn't going to explode in people's faces. That kind of thing.

If someone is crying, I offer them a seat, a glass of water and some tissues.
I do feel others emotional pain very acutely.
I always try and do something.
I am not a robotic monster, I really do care and feel deeply about others: I take other people's emotional pain very seriously.
I do hug people to comfort them (if they want to be hugged).
I do simple things to help people.
I don't flail my arms around and say: "Oh my gawd! Really?!" like some other girls do: it's just not my style.

My style of caring is not like some of the very chatty "Agony Aunt" style caring I've seen some of my friends do: that's really emotionally charged.

That's why I couldn't really handle it if someone split up with a significant other and asked me to comfort them. I'm not experienced in dealing with things like that. However, I would point the person in the direction of someone/help service I knew who would be better equipped to help him or her with relationship issues. I have actually been warned against trying to help people with really complex relationship issues because they would be out of my depth. If you want a job doing, look for someone who's "qualified" to do it!

There are people of course who are born to be marriage and relationship counselors: I'm not one of them. Overtly emotional caring does have it's place and I have benefitted from it in moderation. But too much for me really is too much. It depends on people's personalities and what they find most helpful. One solution probably isn't going to work for everybody.

Sometimes I find I care too much about how people feel. However it took years for me to understand that

Growing up, whenever I got into a situation where I started wondering if something I had done might have upset someone I would feel a physical pain. My head and chest would hurt and I would feel terrible, but it wasn't until I was a teenager that I linked this physical pain to being worried about a person's feelings.

I have empathy, a hell of a lot of it, I just have trouble interpreting it, as well as noticing what people are feeling and expressing what I am feeling. Which generally makes that moment when its occurs to me that I might have hurt someone's feelings so much more painful because I hadn't as usual picked up any hints.

Those cringe-worthy moments on the tv when someone sets another person up and they get their feelings crushed I can't physically even watch. Even as a child and not understanding why I would cover my ears as tight as I could, squeeze my eyes shut and hum to make sure I couldn't hear anything.

I'm an aspie, and I don't know about the rest of you, but I most certainly experience empathy for those I care about.

The question:

"Can they feel empathy? If something bad happens to you, do they actually care about your welfare, or do they only care about how it'll influence your treatment of them? If they are kind to you, is it actually because they want you to feel better, or do they just want you to see them as a better person?"

In my case I think socially I am ruled by a kind of true LOVING 'empathy'.....the whole ground of my empathy is not wanting to make waves inside of others, not wanting to upset them in anyway, treating them ALWAYS as I would expect to be treated, with respect and allowing them 'space'.....When it comes to those I love I can give my all into trying to feel what they feel when put my focus and attention to it.........but I will need to emphasize this stated fact......Many Neurotypicals have a SELF SERVING kind of empathy, it seems to me. Being able to 'show empathy' in no way reveals TRUE EMPATHY, ......the empathy of TRULY being able to try to feel as the other one would feel. If neurotypicals, as opposed to aspies, were *lovingly empathetic* they would would not be so caught up in selfish social games where SELFISHNESS and LIES and SNAP JUDGEMENTALISM rules.....the kind of empathy which is a fake empathy *PROJECTS* one's *own* way of being, rather than UNDERSTANDS what the other person actually feels. Social empathy does NOT go very deep, and isn't really that connected. It is somewhat of a staged phenomenon.

this may comes as a dumb answer but for me, it's hard to care about somebody because i've hardly felt loved or appreciated. i guess it depends on your emotional state at how life and how people have been treating you, which happens to be my case.