Thinking people like you....finding out they don't?

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people generally do not like me and i could not care less.
their brains are in their heads and they have no control over the universe.
i can not be hurt by what a brain inside a skull thinks about me.

i provide very little information to others about who i am because i can not be bothered, and there maybe spot fires that erupt due to people's paranoia's about me, but they should know that if they did not exist, i would still be exactly the way i am.

life is like walking through a yard full of sheep who are all bleating away happily, and i am walking to a place beyond the stock yard, and i have no intentions of influencing what goes on in the yard, but the sheep all go beserk and injure themselves by running into fences and their eyes roll back and they believe fully that they are in danger when they have nothing to fear.

paranoia is like a fire in the mind that spreads wildly, and it can be set off with the mildest spark of suspicion in those who only trust what they have seen to be benign everyday in the past, and when they see something uncommon they can not adjust and they become almost superstitious.

when something out of the ordinary happens, people with livestock mentalities panic and get injured, and their injuries assuage their belief that the "oddity" was responsible.

i stay home. not because i do not want to cause problems, but because there is nothing that interests me outside of shopping.

Autisitics are generally disliked so why fight it ?

Why work on it, do you realise how draining that would be ?

If the question were asked 10 years ago, I would of said something like 'i have many friends and i am hardly ever alone'. People may have asked 'how i was?' and in return i too 'would ask something about what is going on in their life?' (from when we last spoke), but i now realized that this does not mean they were friends, it means they are 'people who were around me'. I was alone then, as i am now.

The situation broke around 10 years ago, when I walked away from everyone due to being in a long depression (authority took away my only hobby). Afterwards, not a single person came or rang me to ask 'if i was OK?' Since then i have spoke to a few people superficially, but only because they were walking by me or added me on Facebook. It has never been the same, even with the people i would of classed as my 'best of friends'.

I am nearly 40 now, and have just realized that most NT do have decent ethics, most will talk behind your back, most will know something about you and not tell you (even if its false) and most will not miss you if you never contacted them again (unless you had something they wanted). On the other hand, i do care about other people, i feel terrible if i am not honest, i will stick up for you behind your back, i will reach out if they has been no contact and i feel abused when people do not treat me the same as i would treat them.

Thus i have learned that this 'small talk', such as how are you? is superficial and NT do not mean anything by it. It is a way of greasing the parts to make the conversation go easier. Nevertheless, while this small talk is easy for most NT, it is difficult and energy consuming for me (as an aspie), as it means keeping up, remembering certain details (to ask them next time), reflecting on back and future social events, in addition to getting through the actual social event. Due to this, the amount of energy i expand is far greater then they would ever imagine.

I never think people like me, unless they give me a clear proof. The minimum necessary would be if that person were to talk to me and say something like: "I was thinking about what you said, and ..." Generally, there must be a proof that I exist to them even when I am not within their sight.

I would soooo like friendship contracts, sometimes!